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Forum topic by degoose posted 10-22-2009 11:32 AM 1076 views 0 times favorited 10 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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7193 posts in 2778 days

10-22-2009 11:32 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor


Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.

He replied in disgust “I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!”

Paddy handed his drink back and said “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!”

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks “How many people are flying with you ?”

Paddy replies “I don’t know! Its your f*ing plane!”

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy “I’m gonna have the day off, I’m gonna pretend I’m mad!”

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts “I’M A LIGHTBULB!

I’M A LIGHTBULB!” Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts “Paddy you’re mad, go home” So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

“Where the hell are you going?” asks the Foreman.

“I can’t work in the friggin’ dark!” says Murphy.

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says “I wonder how the girls are getting on”

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.

She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says “You know what I want don’t you ?”

“Yeah,” says Paddy. “The whole friggin’ bed by the looks of it!”

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Q. What’s a Catholic priest and a pint of Guiness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you’ve got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not

servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said “I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!”

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours’ dog is barking like

mad in the garden. Paddy says “To hell with this!” and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks “What did you do ?”

Paddy replies “I’ve put the dog in our garden. Let’s see how they like it!”

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

“Be Jeysus!” he said, “I didn’t even know they had mobile phones!”

——————————-————oOo-————-————-————- -

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say “Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!”

Paddy says “What’s his name ?”

Mick replies “Miles, from London!”

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ For lovers of all things timber...

10 replies so far

View patron's profile


13524 posts in 2764 days

#1 posted 10-22-2009 12:10 PM

thanks again !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View Lip's profile


158 posts in 3473 days

#2 posted 10-22-2009 01:07 PM

lol … damn, was in a bar in Thailand once … must have been 20 different Miles all burried in one spot … Miles from Sidney, Miles from New York, Miles from London … who would have thought there would have been so many guys named Miles in Thailand …

-- Lip's Dysfuncational Firewood Farm, South Bend, IN

View mtkate's profile


2049 posts in 2748 days

#3 posted 10-22-2009 02:17 PM

I got this on my BB this morning. It killed me. I want to pass this onto my staff for a laugh… but then HR might be knocking on my door!

View MedicKen's profile


1610 posts in 2885 days

#4 posted 10-22-2009 02:36 PM

Paddy, is driving home after downing a few pints at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a Christmas tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another Christmas tree directly in his path.
He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the Christmas trees!
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his truck to a stop.
The officer approaches Paddy’s truck and asks him what on Earth he was doing! Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, ‘Fer goodness sakes Paddy! That’s yer dang’ air freshener!’

-- My job is to give my kids things to discuss with their

View a1Jim's profile


115177 posts in 3000 days

#5 posted 10-22-2009 05:43 PM

Larry your becoming comedy central,funny stuff thanks.

-- Custom furniture

View Bovine's profile


114 posts in 2751 days

#6 posted 10-22-2009 06:05 PM

I needed this today! Thanks for the smile.

-- Kansas City, KS "Nothing is as permanent as a temporary solution"

View SnowyRiver's profile


51452 posts in 2904 days

#7 posted 10-22-2009 08:21 PM

Very funny !!

-- Wayne - Plymouth MN

View webwood's profile


626 posts in 2673 days

#8 posted 10-22-2009 09:02 PM

good stuff larry

-- -erik & christy-

View Innovator's profile


3584 posts in 2837 days

#9 posted 10-24-2009 01:19 PM

Good ol Paddy, he is interesting.


-- Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can't, YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

View RetiredCoastie's profile


999 posts in 2606 days

#10 posted 10-24-2009 05:07 PM

Very funny. Thanks!

-- Proud Supporter of Homes For Our Troops

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