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Forum topic by degoose posted 10-22-2009 11:06 AM 1086 views 0 times favorited 9 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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7193 posts in 2778 days

10-22-2009 11:06 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

This is not the same as being blonde Is It????

: Being blonde…....

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?”

The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?


A blonde goes over to her friend’s house wearing a T.G.I.F.. Tee-shirt.

‘Why are you wearing a ‘Thank God It’s Friday’ tee-shirt on Monday?’

‘Oh crap!’ the blonde says. ‘I didn’t realize it was a religious t-shirt I thought it meant ‘Tits Go In Front.’‘


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, “What’s the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”

She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”


There’s this blonde out for a walk.. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;

Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”

“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“HELLLOOOOOOO…....,” answered the blond.. “They’re watch dogs!”

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ For lovers of all things timber...

9 replies so far

View patron's profile


13524 posts in 2765 days

#1 posted 10-22-2009 11:33 AM

thanks larry ,
it’s good to have you back .

sounds like you loaded up at the show !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View woodworm's profile


14164 posts in 3014 days

#2 posted 10-22-2009 02:21 PM

Nice jokes!
I got one for you Larry, I c&p this joke Why Chewing Gum is Banned in Singapore

A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia ..He was having his coffee, croissant, bread, butter & jam at the hotel’s coffee house.
A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a casual conversation.
Malaysian : “You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?”
Singaporean : “Of course.”
Malaysian : “We don’t. In Malaysia , we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore .”
The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence.
Malaysian : “Do you eat the jam with the bread?”
Singaporean : “Of course.”
Malaysian (chuckling): “We don’t. In Malaysia , we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-over in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam, before we sell it across to Singapore .”
This time, the Singaporean retorted : “Do you have sex in Malaysia ?”
Malaysian : “Why, of course we do”
Singaporean : “Do you wear protection”
Malaysian : “Of course! We wear condoms.”
Singaporean : “And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?”
Malaysian : “Stupid question ! Of course we throw them away.”
Singaporean : “We don’t. In Singapore , the government secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell them across to Malaysia ,... & that’s the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore .”

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

View a1Jim's profile


115177 posts in 3001 days

#3 posted 10-22-2009 05:55 PM

Funny stuff Larry thanks alot

-- Custom furniture

View SnowyRiver's profile


51452 posts in 2904 days

#4 posted 10-22-2009 08:19 PM

Those are great.

-- Wayne - Plymouth MN

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2715 posts in 2710 days

#5 posted 10-22-2009 09:41 PM

My daughter is blonde—nuff said! Of course she doesn’t believe a word I say anymore.
(although she does like blonde jokes as much as anyone)

Thanks Larry


View CharlieM1958's profile


16229 posts in 3642 days

#6 posted 10-22-2009 10:09 PM

I suppose being fair-haired is better than being not-there-haired.

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View blackcherry's profile


3292 posts in 3247 days

#7 posted 10-23-2009 03:18 AM

My wife a blond and I had her read them all and that when the fight started…LOL thanks Larry

View Innovator's profile


3584 posts in 2837 days

#8 posted 10-24-2009 01:17 PM

Thanks Larry, I needed that today


-- Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can't, YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

View dustyal's profile


1275 posts in 2899 days

#9 posted 10-26-2009 05:15 AM

My daughter is a redhead, unfortunately with blond roots. She had a temper but she can’t remember why.

I usually just change the joke from “blond” to “redhead” and send to her.

-- Al H. - small shop, small projects...

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