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Forum topic by degoose posted 10-13-2009 11:53 PM 1551 views 0 times favorited 11 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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7245 posts in 3592 days

10-13-2009 11:53 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Why do we love children?

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents .’

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’


-- Don't drink and use power tools @

11 replies so far

View missionworks's profile


64 posts in 3469 days

#1 posted 10-14-2009 12:45 AM

Thanks. I needed that.

-- MW |

View Hix's profile


161 posts in 3516 days

#2 posted 10-14-2009 12:57 AM

#9… it. I want to use it too.

-- ---call me---- Mark

View papadan's profile


3584 posts in 3606 days

#3 posted 10-14-2009 01:22 AM

#6 is priceless!

View rrdesigns's profile


532 posts in 3423 days

#4 posted 10-14-2009 02:01 AM

These are great Larry. I’m waiting breathlessly for your encore.

-- Beth, Oklahoma, Rambling Road Designs

View a1Jim's profile


117417 posts in 3815 days

#5 posted 10-14-2009 02:51 AM

Larry your wild and crazy list crack me up

-- wood crafting & woodworking classes

View woodworm's profile


14470 posts in 3828 days

#6 posted 10-14-2009 03:00 AM

Ha ha ha..
the kids are always being the scapegoats in many jokes.

I remember a joke I read (can’t recall the book, could be RD) While watching combat series, the kid asked his father –
“why people go to war when one can stay at home and watch it on TV?”

-- masrol, kuala lumpur, MY.

View stefang's profile


16209 posts in 3572 days

#7 posted 10-14-2009 12:18 PM

A good laugh. Thanks Larry.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View lew's profile


12500 posts in 3993 days

#8 posted 10-14-2009 05:15 PM

It’s the first day of kindergarden and the teacher is asking the childrens’ names. The last little girl replies, “my name is Happy Butt”. The teacher is not amused and asks her again. The little girl replies “Happy Butt”. At this point the teacher decides to call the girls’ mother. After a short conversation, the teacher hangs up and says to the girl, “your name is Gladys” to which the little girl replies “Glad Ass- Happy Butt what’s the difference?”

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View scrappy's profile


3507 posts in 3668 days

#9 posted 10-15-2009 08:32 AM

Fantaastic collection Larry. Keep them comeing.


-- Scrap Wood's the best...the projects are smaller, and so is the mess!

View robbi's profile


176 posts in 4193 days

#10 posted 10-15-2009 04:31 PM

True one here….my youngest daughter, when asked what her dad’s name was always replied “Edmond Joseph Landscape Incorporated”....she heard him answer the phone that way so much, she assumed that was his full name.

-- Robin, California

View king's profile


71 posts in 4185 days

#11 posted 10-15-2009 05:00 PM

I had agood laugh, thank you.


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