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Funny answers to driving exam AND what it means to be an AUSSIE!!!

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Forum topic by degoose posted 10-13-2009 12:16 PM 1051 views 0 times favorited 14 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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degoose

7196 posts in 2819 days


10-13-2009 12:16 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Answers purportedly received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school.

1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? What for? He can’t see my licence plate.

2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? Always wear a condom.

4. When driving through fog, what should you use? Your car.

5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.

8. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? The colour.

9. How do you deal with heavy traffic? Heavy psychedelics.

10. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? Carry loaded weapons.
.
.
.
Being Australian
is about driving in a German car
to an Irish pub
for A Belgian beer,
then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry
or A Turkish kebab,
to sit on Swedish furniture and
watch American shows
on a Japanese TV.
Oh and….
Only in Australia …
can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.

Only in Australia …
do supermarkets make
sick people walk all the way
to the back of the shop
to get their prescriptions
while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia …
do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries and
a DIET coke.

Only in Australia …
do banks leave both doors wide open
and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Australia …
do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and
lock our junk and cheap lawn mower
in the garage.

NOT TO MENTION….

3 Aussies die each year
testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

58 Aussies are injured each year
by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996
by watering their Christmas tree
while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000
trying on a new jumper
with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Aussies
were admitted to Emergency
in the last two years
after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

and finally…......

In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull
whilst throwing up into the toilet.

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...


14 replies so far

View PineInTheAsh's profile

PineInTheAsh

404 posts in 2733 days


#1 posted 10-13-2009 12:26 PM

You are absolutely correct.

No more need be said.

View hooky's profile

hooky

364 posts in 2783 days


#2 posted 10-13-2009 12:37 PM

you gotta love being an aussie

Hooky

-- Happiness is a way of travel , not a destination (Roy Goodman)

View Sawdust2's profile

Sawdust2

1467 posts in 3552 days


#3 posted 10-13-2009 12:47 PM

“trying on a jumper”
What’s a jumper? Up here is it a skirt or short dress.

Lee

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

View degoose's profile

degoose

7196 posts in 2819 days


#4 posted 10-13-2009 12:55 PM

Ya gotta love the Americans.. a JUMPER is kinda like a PULLOVER…
the police man sees a woman driving on the freeway Knitting… he come along side and yells “Pullover” and she say ” NO its a scarf”

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

View Scott 's profile

Scott

103 posts in 2824 days


#5 posted 10-13-2009 12:58 PM

Sounds just like the U.S.

-- Scott, South Carolina

View woodsmithshop's profile

woodsmithshop

1253 posts in 3010 days


#6 posted 10-13-2009 03:03 PM

Larry, are you sure that Australia is not part of the USA?

-- Smitty!!!

View firecaster's profile

firecaster

570 posts in 2883 days


#7 posted 10-13-2009 03:07 PM

Those were great. The second Aussie one made me roll.

-- Father of two sons. Both Eagle Scouts.

View Innovator's profile

Innovator

3584 posts in 2878 days


#8 posted 10-13-2009 03:24 PM

They were great!

Pretty much the same in the US

Thanks

-- Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can't, YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

View PurpLev's profile

PurpLev

8523 posts in 3113 days


#9 posted 10-13-2009 03:26 PM

lol. sounds like you Aussies are becoming American mate ;o)

-- ㊍ When in doubt - There is no doubt - Go the safer route.

View blackcherry's profile

blackcherry

3313 posts in 3288 days


#10 posted 10-13-2009 03:35 PM

Great humor my sides hurt, thank to the comic down under…Blkcherry

View matt garcia's profile

matt garcia

1877 posts in 3137 days


#11 posted 10-14-2009 01:46 AM

How many aussies die from driving on the wrong side of the road, while video taping a leaky dust collector???

-- Matt Garcia Wannabe Period Furniture Maker, Houston TX

View a1Jim's profile

a1Jim

115202 posts in 3042 days


#12 posted 10-14-2009 02:52 AM

Hmmm

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View scrappy's profile

scrappy

3506 posts in 2895 days


#13 posted 10-14-2009 08:39 AM

Only in america ….”the drive up teller machine at the bank has braile lettering for the blind

Scrappy

-- Scrap Wood's the best...the projects are smaller, and so is the mess!

View Dusty56's profile

Dusty56

11806 posts in 3153 days


#14 posted 10-14-2009 09:08 PM

Scrappy is 100% correct ! Thanks for all of the laughs , Larry : ) I guess some things in life are Universal ! I love the Pharmacy vs. Cigarette equation…LMAO

-- I'm absolutely positive that I couldn't be more uncertain!

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