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Heres another.. "Because I'm a Man!"

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Forum topic by Mark posted 10-05-2009 11:11 PM 1211 views 0 times favorited 12 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Mark

1801 posts in 2740 days


10-05-2009 11:11 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
> >
> >fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
> >
> >Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man , when the car isn’t running very well,
> >
> >I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
> >
> >I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
> >
> >to the other, ‘I used to be able to fix these things, but now
> >
> >with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know
> >
> >where to start.’ We will then drink a couple of beers and
> >
> >break wind, as a form of holy communion.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
> >
> >to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
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> >moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
> >
> >for you, this is no problem.
> >
> >

> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
> >
> >groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
> >
> >expected to find exotic items like ‘cumin’ or ‘tofu.’ For all I
> >
> >know, these are the same thing.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops
> >
> >working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
> >
> >this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
> >
> >gets here and has to put it back together.
> >
> >

> >
> >Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote
> >
> >control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
> >
> >misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it…..though
> >
> >one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator…..
> >
> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m
> >
> >thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
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> >sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
> >
> >you ask, so don’t ask.
> >
> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
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> >have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
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> >calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
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> >you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it..
> >
> >And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
> >
> >

> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the
> >
> >movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t
> >
> >...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards..then I will
> >
> >certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
> >
> >others.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I
> >
> >thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
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> >too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
> >
> >looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
> >
> >now?
> >
> >

> >
> >Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I
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> >will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
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> >the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
> >
> >and I’ll do the rest…... Like wandering around in the garden
> >
> >with a beer wondering what to do.
> >
> >
> >This has been a public service message for women to
> >
> >better understand men.

-- M.K.


12 replies so far

View SCOTSMAN's profile

SCOTSMAN

5839 posts in 3051 days


#1 posted 10-05-2009 11:16 PM

They’ll never achieve such an understanding their only women after all.Just kidding ladies I love you all. LOL Alistair

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View patron's profile

patron

13538 posts in 2807 days


#2 posted 10-05-2009 11:20 PM

because i am a man ,
i am king in my own home !

i wonder if being the only one here ,
has anything to do with that ?

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View GMman's profile

GMman

3902 posts in 3163 days


#3 posted 10-05-2009 11:44 PM

Because I am a man I would like to be the king of my home.

View papadan's profile

papadan

1179 posts in 2834 days


#4 posted 10-06-2009 12:46 AM

because I am a man, I am the king of my house! I have my wifes permission to say so, too! Because I am an LJ man, I read all this BS that gets posted!

-- Carpenter assembles with hands, Designer builds with brains, Artist creates with heart!

View  annie 's profile

annie

12 posts in 2758 days


#5 posted 10-06-2009 01:07 AM

Whoever wrote this MUST be single or else he’d be either really hurt or dead! Oh, wait…just kidding, guys. I love you all.. Wait, or not..no, I do..!!(cough)

-- annie

View Innovator's profile

Innovator

3584 posts in 2879 days


#6 posted 10-06-2009 03:13 AM

Because I am a man….

Uh never mind

-- Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can't, YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

View Mark's profile

Mark

1801 posts in 2740 days


#7 posted 10-06-2009 03:29 AM

because i’m a man…

im ashamed of what i did for a klondike bar :(

-- M.K.

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

16243 posts in 3684 days


#8 posted 10-06-2009 03:33 AM

Because I am a REAL man, my wife and I have a give and take relationship.

She gives the orders and I take them.

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View degoose's profile

degoose

7196 posts in 2820 days


#9 posted 10-06-2009 12:02 PM

Where is Huff, his wife wont let him play here anymore today, after I posted THE rules.

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

View degoose's profile

degoose

7196 posts in 2820 days


#10 posted 10-06-2009 12:05 PM

Because I am a Man I can leave the seat up.
I can eat the last Tim Tam
I get to hold the remote
I get to cook on the BBQ
I get to leave the top off the toothpaste.
I get to say I am sorry for saying all the above. LOL

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...

View jockmike2's profile

jockmike2

10635 posts in 3712 days


#11 posted 10-06-2009 05:03 PM

Because I’m a man I can do anything she let’s me do. Unless she’s not around.

-- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan -

View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2718 posts in 2752 days


#12 posted 10-06-2009 05:05 PM

I refuse to answer on the grounds it may tend to incriminate me!

My lovely wife reads this stuff too often

-- http://shepherdtoolandsupply.com/

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