THE Rules.

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Forum topic by degoose posted 10-05-2009 09:51 PM 1284 views 1 time favorited 14 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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7244 posts in 3553 days

10-05-2009 09:51 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor traditional

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys’ side of the story.
(must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear ” the rules “from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ”

1.Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are..
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or
motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them a bigger laugh

I apologise in advance to any man who finds this offensive.,. lol

-- Don't drink and use power tools @

14 replies so far

View pommy's profile


1697 posts in 3889 days

#1 posted 10-05-2009 10:07 PM


-- cut it saw it scrap it SKPE: ANDREW.CARTER69

View CharlieM1958's profile


16280 posts in 4416 days

#2 posted 10-05-2009 10:11 PM

Now if only THEY would obey the rules!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View patron's profile


13640 posts in 3539 days

#3 posted 10-05-2009 10:15 PM

that about sums us up ,
now we just need to translate it into
womanese .

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View webwood's profile


626 posts in 3448 days

#4 posted 10-05-2009 10:18 PM

what about hockey and heavy metal ? vikings play tonight and christy will be loyally at my side – whew

-- -erik & christy-

View Loucarb's profile


2388 posts in 3643 days

#5 posted 10-05-2009 10:29 PM

I’m printing this out. Fantastic.

View stefang's profile


16123 posts in 3532 days

#6 posted 10-05-2009 10:51 PM

The truth is never offensive! That is, unless my wife says it is. It’s a good thing we are so different. If we were the same, we would have to share our shops and our tools. Therefore be thankful that things are the way they are. You female LJ’rs please disregard these comments. We love you and your work, and of course we love our wives too. My kids call this pandering in case your looking for the appropriate word.

Thanks Larry for writing what we already are aware of. I wonder if you will be building a rather large dog house soon?

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27250 posts in 4020 days

#7 posted 10-05-2009 10:59 PM

Thanks, Larry. I am sure that most of the males on-board here can relate to these.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View Mark's profile


1809 posts in 3472 days

#8 posted 10-05-2009 11:13 PM

kudos degoose….i just posted anothe rone i think you’d like titled because i’m a man check it out!

-- M.K.

View a1Jim's profile


117328 posts in 3775 days

#9 posted 10-06-2009 02:41 AM

Yo Larry you got it down Man.

-- wood crafting & woodworking classes

View Innovator's profile


3584 posts in 3611 days

#10 posted 10-06-2009 03:11 AM

Interesting, very interesting!

-- Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can't, YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

View huff's profile


2828 posts in 3483 days

#11 posted 10-06-2009 03:39 AM

Sorry John isn’t allowed on LJ’s anymore tonight! LOL

Tracy@myrtle beach

-- John @

View Napaman's profile


5530 posts in 4275 days

#12 posted 10-06-2009 06:19 AM

ANd they think WE ARE DIFFICULT…we only have 1 rule…

-- Matt--Proud LJ since 2007

View Dusty56's profile


11822 posts in 3886 days

#13 posted 10-06-2009 06:40 AM

This is almost as perfect as your woodworking skills , Mate : ) Thanks for the laughter !

-- I'm absolutely positive that I couldn't be more uncertain!

View Lee A. Jesberger's profile

Lee A. Jesberger

6866 posts in 4178 days

#14 posted 10-06-2009 11:30 PM

Hey Larry;

Finally, some common sense rules, actually written down.

Why didn’t somebody do this before?

Very funny. And sadly, so true.

You will be pleased to know, I sat my 16 year old son down, and we memorized all 1 of them together.

Thank you Larry for bringing such an important list to our attention.

Please disregard everything written above… turns out I’m not allowed to read this list. Ha.


-- by Lee A. Jesberger

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