LumberJocks

THE Rules.

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by degoose posted 10-05-2009 09:51 PM 868 views 1 time favorited 14 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View degoose's profile

degoose

7052 posts in 2108 days


10-05-2009 09:51 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor traditional

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys’ side of the story.
(must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear ” the rules “from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ”
ON PURPOSE

1.Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are..
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or
motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them a bigger laugh

I apologise in advance to any man who finds this offensive.,. lol

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ lazylarrywoodworks.com.au For lovers of all things timber...


14 replies so far

View pommy's profile

pommy

1697 posts in 2444 days


#1 posted 10-05-2009 10:07 PM

AT LAST THANK YOU MATE

-- cut it saw it scrap it SKPE: ANDREW.CARTER69

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

15817 posts in 2971 days


#2 posted 10-05-2009 10:11 PM

Now if only THEY would obey the rules!

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View patron's profile

patron

13182 posts in 2094 days


#3 posted 10-05-2009 10:15 PM

that about sums us up ,
now we just need to translate it into
womanese .

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View webwood's profile

webwood

619 posts in 2003 days


#4 posted 10-05-2009 10:18 PM

what about hockey and heavy metal ? vikings play tonight and christy will be loyally at my side – whew

-- -erik & christy-

View Loucarb's profile

Loucarb

2388 posts in 2198 days


#5 posted 10-05-2009 10:29 PM

I’m printing this out. Fantastic.

View stefang's profile

stefang

13633 posts in 2087 days


#6 posted 10-05-2009 10:51 PM

The truth is never offensive! That is, unless my wife says it is. It’s a good thing we are so different. If we were the same, we would have to share our shops and our tools. Therefore be thankful that things are the way they are. You female LJ’rs please disregard these comments. We love you and your work, and of course we love our wives too. My kids call this pandering in case your looking for the appropriate word.

Thanks Larry for writing what we already are aware of. I wonder if you will be building a rather large dog house soon?

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27251 posts in 2575 days


#7 posted 10-05-2009 10:59 PM

Thanks, Larry. I am sure that most of the males on-board here can relate to these.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View Mark's profile

Mark

1788 posts in 2027 days


#8 posted 10-05-2009 11:13 PM

kudos degoose….i just posted anothe rone i think you’d like titled because i’m a man check it out!

-- My purpose in life: Making sawdust

View a1Jim's profile

a1Jim

112936 posts in 2330 days


#9 posted 10-06-2009 02:41 AM

Yo Larry you got it down Man.

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View Innovator's profile

Innovator

3584 posts in 2166 days


#10 posted 10-06-2009 03:11 AM

Interesting, very interesting!

-- Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can't, YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

View huff's profile

huff

2810 posts in 2038 days


#11 posted 10-06-2009 03:39 AM

Sorry John isn’t allowed on LJ’s anymore tonight! LOL

Tracy@myrtle beach

-- John @ http://www.thehuffordfurnituregroup.com

View Napaman's profile

Napaman

5365 posts in 2830 days


#12 posted 10-06-2009 06:19 AM

ANd they think WE ARE DIFFICULT…we only have 1 rule…

-- Matt--Proud LJ since 2007

View Dusty56's profile

Dusty56

11688 posts in 2441 days


#13 posted 10-06-2009 06:40 AM

This is almost as perfect as your woodworking skills , Mate : ) Thanks for the laughter !

-- I'm absolutely positive that I couldn't be more uncertain!

View Lee A. Jesberger's profile

Lee A. Jesberger

6704 posts in 2732 days


#14 posted 10-06-2009 11:30 PM

Hey Larry;

Finally, some common sense rules, actually written down.

Why didn’t somebody do this before?

Very funny. And sadly, so true.

You will be pleased to know, I sat my 16 year old son down, and we memorized all 1 of them together.

Thank you Larry for bringing such an important list to our attention.

Please disregard everything written above… turns out I’m not allowed to read this list. Ha.

Lee

-- by Lee A. Jesberger http://www.prowoodworkingtips.com http://www.ezee-feed.com

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase