LumberJocks

heartbreaking split with my girl of ten years, help!!!!

  • Advertise with us

« back to Coffee Lounge forum

Forum topic by Christopher posted 1776 days ago 1520 views 0 times favorited 42 replies Add to Favorites Watch
View Christopher's profile

Christopher

573 posts in 2518 days


1776 days ago

Me and my girl of ten years are splitting up and it is tearing me up. We never married and never had kids. This is harder than my divorce and sometimes I feel like I am gonna lose my mind with the pain. Today she was leaving to go to her friends and she wouldn’t even hug me. We still live together until she moves out and she swears there is no one else, which I believe, but it is still heartbreaking. I don’t know what to do or how to move on we have been together so long. I am so torn up right now I wish I could just die sometimes. I haven’t slept more than a few hours for two days,I can’t seem to eat a thing and after 9 months of not smoking I am back at it again. All I do is pace the floor and ball my eyes out, I am crying as I write this. I hope I don’t sound like a sissy in this, it’s just how I feel. I really need some advice and insight guys and gals. Maybe I shouldn’t post this on here but seeing as this site is mostly older males I am sure a few of you will know what I am going through and be able to help me. At least I hope.


42 replies so far

View JerryL's profile

JerryL

45 posts in 2646 days


#1 posted 1776 days ago

Christopher,

That really sucks. Take Rob’s advise as well as go find some other folks to hang out with for a while. Sitting at home will only make it worse. Find some folks you can tell all about it but also find some new people. I’ve been through a divorce myself and the only thing that will help is time and time passes quicker if your busy.

And whatever you do stay away from dangerous tools unless you can stay focused.

jerry

-- Jerry L.

View Christopher's profile

Christopher

573 posts in 2518 days


#2 posted 1776 days ago

I know I should be around other people now but all I want to do is be alone.

View rwyoung's profile

rwyoung

369 posts in 2070 days


#3 posted 1776 days ago

Coming up on a year since the “end” for me of a 9 year relationship. Still hurts me too. It will get better. And staying busy does seem to help but the demons still creep in late at night. Don’t think that ever stops. Just tell them to stay on their side of the room, and not to drink straight from the milk carton.

At the very least, go be alone with other people around. Seriously, it does help to see (ie with your eyes, not the other way) people doing everyday, other-people things.

-- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

View jussdandy's profile

jussdandy

157 posts in 1805 days


#4 posted 1776 days ago

Christopher, Sorry to hear about your situation, been divorced twice and broke up with a long time girlfriend myself Jerry is giving the only solution I know, just takes time. I did do serious damage to a finger with a router, just as Jerry says, I wasn’t focused, so be careful, let time do its job.

-- Randy I have the right to remain silent, just not the ability ; )

View Christopher's profile

Christopher

573 posts in 2518 days


#5 posted 1776 days ago

OK, I will go be with other people. I know only time can heal the pain, but right now it gets overwhelming. I have lost two of my greatest loves now and I am feeling like there is something about me women don’t like. You know how you question everything about yourself when you go through this stuff.

View kolwdwrkr's profile

kolwdwrkr

2821 posts in 2188 days


#6 posted 1776 days ago

Hit her with a board so this is woodworking related and you’ll have answers out the wazoo. LOL. Nah, when my wife left me I cried for a few months, lost my business, house, etc. What did I learn? Nothing. I learned that if I would have shrugged I’d still have all my shit with less problems. But instead I thought it was the end of the world and curled up in a ball. You have to realize that life is in the now. We live for this very moment. Not the future, not the past. All the energy in the world is focused on this very second. The previous second is over, the next second doesn’t exist. You may not make it to the next second. What exists in the future is a guess, and the past is over. So you have to live for this very moment. Crying doesn’t bring happiness (the most important thing in the world is your own personal happiness above and beyond everything) so you have to do what makes you happiest. And that my friend is woodworking. Build something and give it to a new girl.

-- ~ Inspiring those who inspire me ~

View Christopher's profile

Christopher

573 posts in 2518 days


#7 posted 1776 days ago

Thank you Kolwdwrkr, Socalwood, Jussdandy, Jerry and RWYoung. I knew I would get advice from you guys. I am going to get up tomorrow and do what I know best; woodworking and cleaning house. All I can do is make sure that I am taking care of me and doing what is best for me. I can’t worryt about what she is doing or who she is with. I have to quit thinking about what I am going to miss and try to remember how I was unhappy too. Try to remember how she used to b1tch about everything and how I could never do anything right. Try to remember how I would feel relieved when she would go to work because I knew that I could do what I want without her crabbing about how I am doing it wrong or how she would do it a different way. The fact is I was unhappy too but I would have put up with it for years because I tend to focus on the good and forget about the bad.

View king's profile

king

71 posts in 2545 days


#8 posted 1776 days ago

Been though a messy divorce,Pick your self up and keep on keeping on,when somthing dies somthing else is born.TIME HEALS ALL.

-- franklinalbert@sbcglobal.net

View davidroberts's profile

davidroberts

1002 posts in 2084 days


#9 posted 1776 days ago

I was a young pup and fell in love with and idolized a women I still thing about today, 30 years later. We were engaged but I think the pressure was just to much. It was one of two of the most painful experiences in my life. I felt completely demoralized. How could she love me one day, and kick me to the curb the next. I was out of town at the time and received a dear john letter. It was out of the blue. I think the shock of it all is what debilitates you. For years I dated and compared those women to her. True love is hard to find. Some never really find it. Now is not the time to do anything drastic, but as others have said, you can get through this by taking care of yourself. Draw a line in the sand, write the final chapter of this part of your life and be at peace with yourself. That is the hardest thing to do is to find peace. If you don’t, it will eat your insides out. Peace brother.

-- God is great, wood is good. Let us thank Him for wood......and old hand tools.

View Innovator's profile

Innovator

3584 posts in 2011 days


#10 posted 1776 days ago

Christopher, I know the pain can seem unbearable right now but keep something in mind. The Lord never gives us more than we can handle every day.

-- Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can't, YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

View mmh's profile

mmh

3322 posts in 2320 days


#11 posted 1776 days ago

I’m sorry to hear the relationship is ending, but it’s better to have a bad one end than to live with someone who doesn’t love or appreciate you.

As a female, I’m quite impressed as to how sensitive you guys are. Love, or falling out of love can hurt both sides. Unfortunately one side may get hurt harder than the other.

The advice of doing something for yourself is priceless. Be creative, do something new and different. It doesn’t have to be death defying, just do something new and learn while you do it. (Get into a new exercise routine and stop smoking, you don’t need to let this sabatage your non-smoking efforts; Take a class; Learn a new craft, trade, cook something different; Start a new type of wood working project, go to a gallery or museum or type of entertainment you normaly would not try.) You will start to feel better once you have a sense of adventure in your life and you will enjoy being by yourself rather than sulking and feeling worthless. You are important, and you are worthy of being treated well, so you don’t need to be around someone who doesn’t appreciate you and constantly picks on or nags you.

Being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. Learn to be good to yourself, as this will elevate your self esteem and when you do this, others will see how whole you are and want to be a part of your life. Be careful not to jump into a new relationship head first. Meeting new people is wonderful, but you need to stand on your own two feet before you want to lean on anyone else, the same goes for them too. Your partner should not lean on you and become overwhelming with burden or in need of constant attention. They need to learn to be their own person, so that the two of you can share, learn and love in a healthy way.

Good luck! Do something for yourself and move forward. You’re worth it!

-- "They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." ~ Edgar Allan Poe

View bruc101's profile

bruc101

555 posts in 2140 days


#12 posted 1776 days ago

Christopher
Sorry to hear about this and you’ve been given some good advice. Time heals and it will for you also but you got to keep that mind busy. When I divorced my wife I took some time off for “me” and cleared the fuzzies in my mind. Once I had that done I met a lady in Russia, went to visit her and her young daughter and never looked back. That was 5 years ago and the relationship just gets stronger.
Don’t beat me up in here girls…did not meet her in the internet and and she’s 5 years younger than me…not 20 lol.

bruc

-- Bruce http://plans.sawmillvalley.org http://www.sawmillgirls.com

View GMman's profile

GMman

3902 posts in 2295 days


#13 posted 1776 days ago

Get another one lots of them around,and maybe your better off all alone.

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

15661 posts in 2816 days


#14 posted 1776 days ago

When I was younger, I thought love was some magical thing that happened with the right person, and that if you lost that person you might never find that feeling again. Today, at 50, I can see that love is a decision more than anything else, and that there are are countless “perfect” matches for all of us.

The pain of losing a relationship is very real, and, as others have said, only time will heal that hurt. But you will come out on the other side and find love again in due time. And you will be a better and stronger man for having lived through all this. Trust me on that one.

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View Woodwrecker's profile

Woodwrecker

3560 posts in 2174 days


#15 posted 1776 days ago

Lots of good advise from rob, kolwdwrkr, Charlie and others.
Obviously some very cool people who have nothing but your best interests at heart my friend.

I have heard that we are never given a cross bigger then we can bear, so hang in there and take it one day at a time and you’ll come through this OK.

-- Having fun...Eric

showing 1 through 15 of 42 replies

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase