Has anyone heard a good woodworking joke lately [in memory of the walnut dealer]

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Blog entry by Dave posted 02-13-2011 08:32 AM 2908 reads 2 times favorited 17 comments Add to Favorites Watch

Did you here about the guy at the sawmill who had the whole left side of his body cut off?

Don’t worry, he’s all right.

Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish? It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish

Not a joke you tell, but rather, one you play.

You look wistfully into the blue sky and say “hey! dad will be on the plane by now”
Your companion will invariably ask “where’s he going?”
You respond “nowhere – he’s taking half an inch off the bottom of the door”

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.

One of the men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.

He returned and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.”

“All right. How long do you need them?” asked the clerk,

The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

Thats all I got ;)

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are."

17 comments so far

View Eagle1's profile


2066 posts in 3086 days

#1 posted 02-13-2011 10:49 AM

Thanks for the laugh this morning.

-- Tim, Missouri ....Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened

View BigTiny's profile


1676 posts in 2910 days

#2 posted 02-13-2011 11:50 AM


-- The nicer the nice, the higher the price!

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10880 posts in 3137 days

#3 posted 02-13-2011 01:46 PM

:-) not bad with a smile to the first coffee

here is one ( if I can tranlate it )

a man in a bar streched his arm and ordred a handfull beers to the table
the waitress came down with two beers
he worked at the local sawmill and missing three fingers

take care

View stefang's profile


15881 posts in 3356 days

#4 posted 02-13-2011 01:56 PM

Thanks for the laugh Dave and Dennis. I especially liked the beautiful finish.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View cdbridge39's profile


165 posts in 2946 days

#5 posted 02-13-2011 02:25 PM

Thanks, I needed a laugh.

-- If it ain't broke don't fix it, if you fix it make it better than it has to be.

View jeepturner's profile


939 posts in 2814 days

#6 posted 02-13-2011 02:28 PM

Thanks for the laugh in the morning. Nice to start off the day with a chuckle.
Who is the walnut dealer?

-- Mel,

View 1978's profile


167 posts in 3631 days

#7 posted 02-13-2011 02:34 PM

Bob goes to see his supervisor at the millwork shop.

“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed, Bob,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks boss,” says Bob, “I knew I could count on you!”

View RussInMichigan's profile


600 posts in 2803 days

#8 posted 02-13-2011 03:41 PM

Wow! Nice punchlines. You really nailed those. It wood have been easy to screw them up. They were so funny you really cracked up the joint. I myself like a warped sense of humor. Did you hear the one about the chef who was great at seasoning his lumber? Did you hear about the lathe operator who liked to barter for sausage?: he took a turn for the wurst. What’s the woodworker’s favorite fruit? Raspberries. Since losing his thumb on the table saw, the woodworker could still dance the jig, but he felt like he was knot hole.

View NoLongerHere's profile


893 posts in 2698 days

#9 posted 02-13-2011 03:43 PM

The new apprentice usually gets the business in the beginning as a right of passage.

The other day, we had to install about 4 rolls of kraft paper backed insulation and he got the job.
When he finished, I came in to check it out and started yelling: “What did you do? Half of them are upside down!
(The writing on the batts) How is the air supposed to flow upwards when it’s upside down?
This is an old joke on my job sites so the other guys play along and razz him until he starts to take one down.
Too funny.

Send em to the lumber yard to ask for some hammer mold.

View Dave's profile


11429 posts in 2862 days

#10 posted 02-13-2011 04:40 PM

Ok the walnut dealer.
You gata click a link to read this one
My name is Chip, and I'm a walnut addict......

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are."

View ksSlim's profile


1276 posts in 2912 days

#11 posted 02-13-2011 07:07 PM

Thanks for the chuckles!

Remember, to mark with a broken pencil is pointless.

-- Sawdust and shavings are therapeutic

View woody57's profile


650 posts in 3449 days

#12 posted 02-13-2011 07:10 PM

thanks for the laughs everybody

-- Emmett, from Georgia

View JJohnston's profile


1622 posts in 3313 days

#13 posted 02-13-2011 07:18 PM

Did you hear about the sawyer who backed into his saw?

He got a little behind in his shipments.

-- "A man may conduct himself well in both adversity and good fortune, but if you want to test his character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

View lew's profile


12100 posts in 3777 days

#14 posted 02-13-2011 07:34 PM

Then there was the fellow hired to put up plywood sheathing on exterior walls. He would pound a couple of nails, then throw the next nail or so over his shoulder, pound a couple more and throw away a few. The foreman watched for a while then finally yelled at the guy. “What the heck are you doing throwing good nails away?” The new guy replies- “the heads are on the wrong end of the nails!” To which the foreman responds- “Dummy, those nails are for the other side of the house!”

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View NoLongerHere's profile


893 posts in 2698 days

#15 posted 02-13-2011 09:49 PM

Hey Mo!! nyuk yuk yuk….

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