I received a couple of emails yesterday regarding my post of Saturday. They expressed concern that I may be giving up designing scroll saw patterns and looking into something else. I just want to come out and say for certain that it is not my intention at all to do so, and if I led some of you to think that I was heading in that direction, rest assured I am not.
This past month or so has been somewhat tedious for both Keith and myself. As when anyone loses trust in someone that they had once considered worthy, it was quite a blow to us to find out what was really going on with our work. I must admit that there were fleeting moments when I considered just calling it a day and just wanted to pack it in, but those thoughts were just a flash in my mind. The reality of things is that I truly love what I do and I don’t want to have to give it up just because of one bad apple.
To me, this was a valuable learning experience. Even though I have been doing this for over fifteen years, I maintain that there is still so much more that I need to figure out. Especially if I hope to advance and grow the business.
I feel a lot wiser than I did a month ago. While part of me felt betrayed, there was another part of me that felt quite foolish for being so trusting in the first place.
I think that most people try to look for the good in others. I know I have made mistakes in the past, and I try not to judge others by the mistakes that they have made. I like to think that others look beyond the errors that I may have made in judgment and try to look at the the person that I am now. Not perfect, but as someone who tries to do the right thing.
I admit that I do get discouraged when I see greed, disregard for others feelings and those who deliberately inflict pain on those around them. This world and its circumstances are cruel enough without those who willingly try to hurt others, many times for their own selfish gain. But what I found is among the bad, there are many, many good people who are just like me – trying to make their way.
While sometimes it is evident which side people are on, there are others that are in a grey area somewhere between the two, and that is where I get muddled up. I tend to judge people on face value, and while that works when someone is being honest to me, it leaves me quite vulnerable to those who are not. I think they use the term “gullible”.
But as I grow and as I learn, I seem to have developed a little harder skin. Sometimes when I am lounging on my ‘pink cloud’ a tad of cynicism creeps in, and I have to catch myself and not make blanket judgments about things. But sometimes it is difficult to not rush into things when we are upset. Our first reaction when wronged is usually to ‘react.’ And as I get older, I find that while holding your breath and taking some time to think first may be the best answer, it usually requires far more effort.
However, I have rarely regretted doing so. While taking the time to think before I acted wasn’t quite as satisfying as acting out immediately, the lasting effects of making decisions with a cool head were far preferred than burning bridges and hot accusations that cause irreparable damage. So I try.
I have decided to miss a few days writing during these past few weeks. While that seems to many that I am winding things down here, it actually indicates quite the contrary. I am not avoiding writing because I have nothing to say, but rather because I don’t think it is the right time to say everything just yet. While I don’t mind putting myself out here each day when I write, so that others who are wanting to be in a similar business can possibly learn from what I encounter, there are still some things that I prefer to keep close to my chest and are better yet unsaid.
While silence may be construed as a sign of defeat, I want you all to know that for myself, it is quite the opposite. I am a tough cookie. I grew up in the inner city-south side of Chicago. My family was far from perfect and much of what I learned about life I learned from my friends and on the streets. I came from a broken home in the mid-60’s at a time when divorce wasn’t fashionable or socially accepted (I had one friend who’s mom wouldn’t let her play with me because my parents were divorced – we used to sneak and hang out anyway) and I had to live with that stigma as a young girl.
What does that have to do with anything here?
I have said before that I never liked or felt comfortable in the role of the victim, and I maintain that attitude now. We all make our own choices and I like to take responsibility for mine. Whether they turned out well or not, it is up to me to decide whether to continue with them or move on.
I am very excited about the new avenues that I am on right now. It is difficult for me not to talk about them. But until I feel a bit more secure in my decisions and directions, I just don’t feel the need to put everything out here just yet. It will come in time, when I am ready.
Yes, there was one bad apple in my business plan. Maybe there are more. I still have to wait and see. But in the end, I do like apples so I am not planning to throw the entire basket of them away just because one has rotted. That would be foolish on my part. I have no plans for ‘retirement’ as long as there is breath in my body.
Besides, weeding out the bad apples is probably the best thing that I could have done. Once I am finished, things will be better than ever.
Photo courtesy of Free HD Wallpapers
Have a wonderful Monday! Happy Thanksgiving Canada! Happy Columbus Day USA!
-- Designer/Artist/Teacher. Owner of Sheila Landry Designs (http://www.sheilalandrydesigns.com) Scroll saw, wood working and painting patterns and surfaces. "Knowledge is Power"