There are times when I plan to accomplish things and everything just seems to fall into place. I make a time table and I actually stick to it and achieve everything that I put on my list. Things are on schedule.
One would think that I would be happy when this occurs. I suppose I am, but it also makes me a bit uneasy.
Did I miss anything? Did I do enough? Maybe I am not pushing myself hard enough? Perhaps I should go and look in the mirror and see if it is really ME looking back at myself. Or is it some stranger that had invaded my skin?
It is funny (odd) that actually reaching a goal would make me feel that way. I used to tease my children and tell them “if you reach your goals, you are setting them too low.” How’s that for a self-defeating attitude? (By the way – I was sure that they knew it was said it jest!) I just wonder sometimes why I feel so weird when everything goes as planned and I am on top of things.
I suppose that I am just a ‘goal-oriented’ person. I live from deadline to deadline of one sort or another and I have learned to make it work for me in a positive way. It seems the only time I really seem to get overwhelmed is when I don’t have a list of things to do in front of me and I don’t have a clear direction of what I need to do in order to keep on top of things and feel as if I am producing.
I realize that living like this isn’t for everyone. There are people that don’t do as well with pressure and others like me who thrive on it. I think I am one of the “thrivers” myself (is that even a word?), as I need to be accountable to someone – even if it is only to myself. Actually I believe that our “self” should be the most important one we should be accountable to.
With that said, I am taking a breath today and reorganizing. Yesterday I not only finished putting together all of the new pattern packets, but also we got them all posted on the site. I would have thought that we would have needed another couple of days for that or at least one more, but it all went smoothly and fell into place. I am very happy to be in this position, especially after being down a bit last week. Could it be that I am actually figuring all this stuff out? That would be incredible.
I had better shut up before I invite some new unforeseen disaster to fall upon me. Perhaps I am superstitious that way. If I begin to gloat or get a large head about being on top of things, it must anger the powers above because it is usually without fail that soon afterward something is bound to happen to knock me off the pedestal from which I was basking. It is as if the universe is saying “take that!”
So today I will humbly forge on with new tasks and create new goals to strive for and once again get back up to speed. I had my moment of glory these few minutes while sipping my cinnamon-laced coffee and watching the sun rise up, knowing that I was “on track.”
But that moment has passed and I lingered in it long enough. There are patterns to be made and classes to be mapped out and errands to run and a whole new exciting list of things that await me. I thoroughly enjoyed the break, but now it is time for me to continue on and once again set my sights for even better things.
Thank you for sharing the moment with me.
“We choose to go…not because [it is] easy, but because [it is] hard, because that goal will serve to measure and organize the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win.” – John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Have a great Tuesday!
-- Designer/Artist/Teacher. Owner of Sheila Landry Designs (http://www.sheilalandrydesigns.com) Scroll saw, wood working and painting patterns and surfaces. "Knowledge is Power"