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Caution - Be careful of your projects at home

by dbray45
posted 06-17-2015 12:20 PM


41 replies so far

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helluvawreck

28794 posts in 2683 days


#1 posted 06-17-2015 12:37 PM

What can I say? You’re damned if you don’t and damned if you do.

helluvawreck aka Charles
http://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com

-- If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau

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WoodNSawdust

1417 posts in 993 days


#2 posted 06-17-2015 12:44 PM

The cost / trade-off of having a significant other with a honey-do list vs. not having a significant other. Of course significant other can provide a second set of hands for those complex clamping needs.

-- "I love it when a plan comes together" John "Hannibal" Smith

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#3 posted 06-17-2015 01:16 PM

When the tool budget starts opening up, that is the time to ask to see the “list.” As it turns out, this list started out 10 years ago. She said that the one I found – she had lost and has 2 more. She has been working this morning to make one updated list.

The projects are interesting, I have a lot of work to do – apparently.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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stefang

15512 posts in 3150 days


#4 posted 06-17-2015 01:26 PM

I have often wondered if many other woodworkers than myself hate doing house projects, whether inside or outside. It seems that while doing these projects I almost always wind up on a ladder, or rolling around on the floor, neither of which I like to do. Working at a bench with all the clamping and holding options and all my tools at hand is infinitely better. On the other hand, I feel obligated to keep my wife happy by cheerfully (well, maybe not always cheerfully) doing these projects, especially because she does not begrudge me buying tools or spending a lot of time in the shop.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

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boisdearc

44 posts in 1152 days


#5 posted 06-17-2015 01:38 PM

I hate a list… She wants me to paint all our out buildings..

I bought a new Graco airless and have done the small horse barn already, now the upper part of our house and then my 6 year old workshop..

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MrFid

855 posts in 1720 days


#6 posted 06-17-2015 01:45 PM



Of course significant other can provide a second set of hands for those complex clamping needs.

- WoodNSawdust

I can’t tell if this is supposed to be sexual or not. I’m gonna assume that, yes, it was meant to be sexual. In which case, nice.

I also have the same problem at my house. On the plus side, I have a nice looking house now.

-- Bailey F - Eastern Mass.

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Earlextech

1159 posts in 2507 days


#7 posted 06-17-2015 02:32 PM

Like the cobblers kids having no shoes. For my thirty year career building custom cabinetry/furniture I couldn’t have gotten to many of the around the house projects. These days my goal is to do nothing but those projects, especially since we bought a 1904 Victorian! Good luck David, I feel your effort is well worth it.

-- Sam Hamory - The project is never finished until its "Finished"!

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longgone

5688 posts in 3125 days


#8 posted 06-17-2015 02:40 PM


I have often wondered if many other woodworkers than myself hate doing house projects, whether inside or outside. It seems that while doing these projects I almost always wind up on a ladder, or rolling around on the floor, neither of which I like to do. Working at a bench with all the clamping and holding options and all my tools at hand is infinitely better. On the other hand, I feel obligated to keep my wife happy by cheerfully (well, maybe not always cheerfully) doing these projects, especially because she does not begrudge me buying tools or spending a lot of time in the shop.

- stefang

I’m 100% in agreement with stefang…I could have not said it any better…!

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#9 posted 06-17-2015 07:13 PM

There is very little furniture in the house that I have not made, including the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, I really do enjoy making most of it, I just didn’t know the list was that long – a bit of a surprise.

Ladders bother me, if I am to use one outside to the roof, it is screwed down to the deck – had one go out from under me once for a 2 story drop – that was not a good day. In the house, I use a Little Giant, it is heavy but it is safer.

Some of the pieces I have made were not exactly what she had in mind, so I had to make new ones. For the most part, she designs what she wants me to make and I build it. It seems that for every piece I make, the list gets longer. I have been trying to change her furniture style a bit, just to make some that are more interesting and challenging but for her, simple is better, functional is great.

I was wondering how all of you deal with this, I have work for years to come.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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DKV

3940 posts in 2320 days


#10 posted 06-17-2015 07:24 PM

Mr Fid, you use clamps during sex? Two questions then…what do you clamp and does it feel good?

-- This is a Troll Free zone.

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Richard

1912 posts in 2506 days


#11 posted 06-17-2015 08:04 PM

David , The Honey Do List will Never go away and will always get longer.
Remember the Golden Rule ” HAPPY WIFE = HAPPY LIFE ” , There is another Golden Rule but it does not apply in this case. :)

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jtriggs

165 posts in 3633 days


#12 posted 06-17-2015 09:16 PM

David,
Been there, doing that. Built the wife a kitchen, pedestal beds with storage, and many other things around the house and her list hasn’t gotten any shorter. I now have two bedside tables, a headboard, an armoire, another storage cabinet, library shelves with rolling ladder and a sliding door for the office on the current list. That’s the published list, not the double secret wish list that I don’t get to see.

At least she understands my need to take a break from her projects now and then so I can accomplish something I want to do for the shop or my cribbage board making.

Just remember, every project deserves at least one new tool.
Jon

-- Jon --Always remember, never live your life by a motto.

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Dark_Lightning

2879 posts in 2925 days


#13 posted 06-17-2015 11:40 PM

I had the opposite problem for many years- woodworking when I could, and home remodeling/repair as the main course. I’m retired now, and the “home” work actually increased, we (read, I) are fixing up my mother-in-law’s house to rent out. Relentless work. I did manage to get enrolled in a wood carving class, so I’m off the hook two mornings a week. I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on the repairs, too. Once that’s done, it’s going to be more woodworking. I at least squeezed in a chest for my tools, recently. It is a test mule, and a precursor for what I hope will be the final iteration, but I’m not casting that in cement. It’d be a shame to have to build yet another chest, lol.

-- Random Orbital Nailer

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Tim

3651 posts in 1778 days


#14 posted 06-18-2015 12:36 AM

Hah, maybe include the cost of a custom router bit in the bid for your wife’s windows. While a 55 would be a ton of fun, it’s only fun for your own projects. I’ve realized I want power tools for the honey do list and home improvement projects and I can use my hand tools when I have time to have fun.

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BurlyBob

4959 posts in 2082 days


#15 posted 06-18-2015 02:36 AM

David, I’ve got a similar attitude about helping friends or should I say use to be friends. I’ve had a few buddy up to me long enough to get me to help them with a couple of projects and then kick me to the curb. Just another reason I don’t much warm up to most folks and try to keep them at arms reach.

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Rikard

5 posts in 890 days


#16 posted 06-18-2015 05:45 AM

Boy, tell me about it.

I see there is a lot of wisdom in the comments. Of course knowledge is gotten from experience and wisdom from finally having learnt the lesson. haha

As a former contractor engaged primarily in home remodeling I can attest to the truth of the painter’s house needing paint. There used to be a TV commercial where a husband and wife took a plumbing fixture to their architect and said, ‘design a home around this’. Maybe one day I’ll tell the story of how an entire home remodel began with needed to replace worn washers in a bathroom faucet. Replacement washers couldn’t be found so it was to change out the fixture. That is where the real fun began. Yes, it was my private residence. The 2 year remodel took all of 7 years.

The wrench in the works is walking that oh so thin line between getting it done and taking the time to make it right. I made a fortune off fixing the work of others who did it by half. But it is difficult to convey that it is the details in the fit and finish which makes the project.

To they who dare to tread; good luck, we’re all counting on you.

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Rikard

5 posts in 890 days


#17 posted 06-18-2015 06:22 AM



I hate a list… She wants me to paint all our out buildings..

- boisdearc

Professionally and privately I detest the lists made by others for what I am to do. Such lists scream control. One time I rolled onto the project with my crew ready to get started. The owners had gone off to an early morning start so were not at the jobsite when we rolled up. No more than 3 steps inside the home being built I see the husband had posted a list. It was an extensive and detailed list. So detailed was the list that I felt he not only was telling what to do but how to do it! I tore that list off the stud, crumpled it up and stepped on it. I told the crew it’s their day off with pay. No work that day.

What griped me equally as much is me and the project owner had only the day before spent hours going over these things. Plus he called me that night. By the posting of that list I felt all the hours spent the previous day were for naught.

That afternoon when he called to ask why no work got done I told him he hired me for my skill but if he didn’t trust me to find someone else. After that we were good. And that brings me to my advise for David and others in the same boat.

Be nice, be civil, but be firm. Bend some but don’t break. Yes, it’s your wife and you do have to live with her. Risking sounding too brutish, she has you by the curlies…because you let her. You do what you do to show your love. Love for her, love of the project. But unstayed she will use that to extract ever more power of control. I dunno, most women seem to just be wired that way. It’s magical when you propose to stand up for yourself. Who woulda’ thought that the art of negotiation would actually create more gladness. The rules are in place; she tells what she wants, she lets you achieve that however you want. Until then, she has too much free time and controlling you is her hobby. She should find another hobby. You have to help her see that.

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Stewbot

199 posts in 900 days


#18 posted 06-18-2015 06:41 AM

Wanna shrink that honey do list? teach the honey how to do…..

I’ve started to teach my lady some of the basics to carpentry and general home maintenance, give her my old power tools and buy her new basic hand tools and I gotta say she’s catching on pretty quick. I’m a younger guy, and if my master plans works out, in about 20 years she can go ahead and write her own lists, and me mine. ;)

-- Hoopty scoop?

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Tennessee

2551 posts in 2331 days


#19 posted 06-18-2015 11:02 AM

My first wife was like that, a lot…I gladly let her take all that furniture with her when we got divorced. About 30 pieces, as I remember. Cradles, double drop leaf table, side tables, bookcases, dining room table, on and on.

My wife now is just the opposite. She asks for things rarely, and instead tells me how good my stuff looks, and how much money it can bring in. And before you think she is in it for the money, I keep my money from the shop in a separate account. I do spend some of it on her, since I love her dearly, but she never, ever asks for any of it out of that account. And when I need a new tool, like a couple months ago when I wanted a second Bosch ROS, when I changed my mind and tried to put it back, we had an argument. She kept putting it back in the cart. Her reasoning? I make money with my tools. Not bill paying money, but walkin’ around money. I love her a LOT…..

-- Tsunami Guitars and Custom Woodworking, Cleveland, TN

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#20 posted 06-18-2015 12:01 PM

When it comes to tools, I have to be very careful taking her to places with tools. She does have a couple of rules, she really doesn’t like me buying old tools at flea markets and the like. She doesn’t mind as much if they are not too old, she tells me that some of the real old ones are not always happy. The other is that I have to be able to carry it into the basement safely AND find a place for it.

The reason I have to be careful, she looks at the cute factor. I look at a whole bunch of other things – like quality, do I have a need for it, and does it have any of that new plastic that smells bad (anything with that will not go in my house or shop) to name a few. I do not have space for cute – with the exception of the Lee Valley miniature tools. The power tools that I have are limited but are ones that I chose carefully, the hand tools are my “go to” tools for a number of reasons – the first, they are my exercise; second, they are my entertainment; third, they do not require power; and lastly, they require skill.

My wife appreciates my criteria and when she needs/wants something, she lets me know whether it is utility (usually nice plywood with edging) and very functional or presentation quality (something that she shows off to family that comes over). I try to make everything look nice but there are a few things that had immediate requirements that need to be replaced when I get to it (my list).

-- David in Damascus, MD

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Jay101182

5 posts in 889 days


#21 posted 06-19-2015 02:15 AM

Haha. You built Pandora’s box…then opened it…

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#22 posted 06-19-2015 11:29 AM

Sometimes you do what you gotta do. Aint life grand? Its one thing doing something by accident, its a whole different thing doing it with the understanding and knowledge of what is down the road. I knew this was going to happen. I just wanted to pass it along so people would be mindful of the potential of this.

The unspoken (or maybe it is) agreement -
What she said, “I let you have tools and make stuff – but you have to make what I want first. If you don’t make what I want, you will make over – until I get what I want.”

Fair enough, but be warned, the better you get and the nicer things get, the more her list grows. The caveat – you get the tools, you gain the skills, you need a bigger house and The Salvation Army may become your friend for all those pieces that were not what she had envisioned – or you sell them. Since I love to do this, it is a win.

She has agreed that making the occasional commission piece does help to buy the more expensive tools.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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PhillipRCW

457 posts in 1081 days


#23 posted 06-19-2015 01:12 PM

My wife agreed to me starting my business and buying over 5K in tools. I did some commissioned jobs to buy some more tools. Never a complaint. I was not smart enough to see the signs of impending doom coming down the tracks. I now have a list of honey do’s so long, I feel like I’m building a brand new house.

-- Phillip- Measure twice, cut onc.... Hey look, it's rustic.

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mafe

11625 posts in 2905 days


#24 posted 06-23-2015 04:25 PM

Smiles thanks.
Yes that snowball can become a monster.
If you the look at your own list also, life is too short…
So enjoy as you go, enjoy the moments and the joy, especially the joy of your wife.
Best thoughts,
Mads

-- MAD F, the fanatical rhykenologist and vintage architect. Democraticwoodworking.

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#25 posted 06-25-2015 11:14 AM

Thanks Mads

I don’t want to even think about my list. I stopped counting after 100 different things I want to do and get proficient in. That is what the problem may be, if her list evolves to what my list is, I will never get to my list – depressing thought.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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ClayandNancy

519 posts in 2831 days


#26 posted 06-25-2015 01:40 PM

My wife wanted a plate rack for the kitchen. Jokingly I said will probably take $2500.00 in tools. She said ok. That started my woodworking habit. She wanted another plate rack, told her it would take another $2500.00. Didn’t work that time.

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InstantSiv

259 posts in 1411 days


#27 posted 06-25-2015 02:38 PM

Demand payment! Full payment up front… and some more after completion :)

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mafe

11625 posts in 2905 days


#28 posted 06-25-2015 05:07 PM

Laugh, the list is like a dream, everything is possible, keep it like that, don’t even think about getting to finish it.
Smiles,
Mads

-- MAD F, the fanatical rhykenologist and vintage architect. Democraticwoodworking.

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Joshua Oehler

169 posts in 1507 days


#29 posted 06-25-2015 05:18 PM

Can your wife call my wife and teach her these ways please? I have the other side of this problem. I have a ton of home improvement projects that I want to do around the house. Every time I have an idea I am just meet with a “No, it will cost too much money”. Even though it is for things around the house any time I spend in the workshop is considered “Playing around” and not work. It is viewed along the same lines as playing video games.

Is that TV show Wife Swap still running and can we sign up for it just long enough to get the projects done that I want to do?

-- - "But old news can change, as memories float downstream. So don't judge me by my failures, only by my dreams"

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#30 posted 06-26-2015 11:36 AM

Joshua – I had that problem at one time. There are things you can do to change that but be very careful, you might get what you ask for.

You need to build something nice lets say for the kitchen, we had a space that needed a cabinet but was an odd size to buy something, so I made this:

We had a couple of IKEA dressers that the bottoms kept pushing through so I made a pair of these:

You want to take your time and “play well”. Once you do something that she can brag about to family, things will change. At this point, ask her what she wants for colors, knobs, etc… After a bit, she wanted something like this to replace the corner cupboard:

Inside the cabinet part there are 2 drawers that hold her cast iron pots.

Once that road is paved, she WILL find things for you to do and they will change as her view of what you make her evolves.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#31 posted 06-26-2015 11:54 AM

Mads – Once you finish one project, 10 others crop up. As your skill improves, the possibilities grow that much more and then more things get put on the list. Finishing The List never happens, needing a bigger house, running out of trees on the planet, running out of … these things will happen long before the list is ever finished.

That is why we love this so much, the possibilities are endless.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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mafe

11625 posts in 2905 days


#32 posted 06-27-2015 01:04 AM

;-)

-- MAD F, the fanatical rhykenologist and vintage architect. Democraticwoodworking.

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Oldtool

2501 posts in 2007 days


#33 posted 06-27-2015 01:48 AM

Been there, doing that!

-- "I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The point is to bring them the real facts." - Abraham Lincoln

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tomd

2118 posts in 3586 days


#34 posted 06-27-2015 02:23 AM

Did you really think that first project was all your idea ?

-- Tom D

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ste6168

252 posts in 988 days


#35 posted 07-15-2015 08:11 PM

I don’t mind it. Recently, we have been running out of “storage” space, so I told her to shop around for a storage unit (rental). She got prices, and was kind of taken back at the cost ($60/month). I then showed her that I could add additional storage space to our shed for about the same $$ as we would spend in a year renting a space. I also worked into the price that I would “need” a framing nailer to do it… Also told her that when we decide to build a back deck, the framing nailer could be used again. She happily said, when can you get the materials, and how long will it take to build? I picked up the stuff last Friday, about 3/4 complete. Hope to have shingles on by the weekend. Not bad for a few nights work, after work.

Decided to go with an “addition” rather than a separate shed, as I really do not care for having two sheds in one yard. A building and a shed, different story. Also got a new tool out of the deal! This is just the most recent case, there have been plenty others.

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#36 posted 07-16-2015 07:17 PM

Currently, I am adding on to the deck, just finished the window sills.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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Richard

1912 posts in 2506 days


#37 posted 07-16-2015 07:22 PM


I don t mind it. Recently, we have been running out of “storage” space, so I told her to shop around for a storage unit (rental). She got prices, and was kind of taken back at the cost ($60/month). I then showed her that I could add additional storage space to our shed for about the same $$ as we would spend in a year renting a space. I also worked into the price that I would “need” a framing nailer to do it… Also told her that when we decide to build a back deck, the framing nailer could be used again. She happily said, when can you get the materials, and how long will it take to build? I picked up the stuff last Friday, about 3/4 complete. Hope to have shingles on by the weekend. Not bad for a few nights work, after work.

Decided to go with an “addition” rather than a separate shed, as I really do not care for having two sheds in one yard. A building and a shed, different story. Also got a new tool out of the deal! This is just the most recent case, there have been plenty others.

- ste6168

I will Trade you my Ex Wife for your current one , My Ex would have just spent the money for the storage shed rather than let me get something from the deal. That’s why she is Ex. :)

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#38 posted 07-16-2015 07:26 PM

I am keeping mine – wonderful doesn’t even scratch the surface.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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CharleyL

221 posts in 3181 days


#39 posted 07-16-2015 08:41 PM

I have played this game for 51 years and she has never kept me from buying tools. She’s definitely a keeper. About 10 years ago in a conversation with friends she admitted that she married me “Because he could fix anything”. My only problem now is that my shop isn’t big enough to hold all my toys (tools). I could add on or build a larger shop, but we are planning to downsize and get out of this huge house in a few years, so it doesn’t seem worth doing here. When the downsize happens I’m going to be looking for a much smaller house with a much larger shop.

Charley

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MHarper90

93 posts in 1503 days


#40 posted 07-16-2015 10:45 PM

David, we talked quite a while ago when I saw that you are from Damascus. I too grew up in Damascus, MD. I even used to sell lumber at Hyatt when I was in high school. The Navy has me stationed in SC and my parents have moved to DE, but I still travel through Damascus on my way to my fiance’s house in Frederick. I’m really curious what sawmill or lumber dealer you are using? I didn’t really do much with hard woods before I moved away, but I never knew of a good local lumber dealer.

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dbray45

3295 posts in 2593 days


#41 posted 07-17-2015 04:17 PM

I get most of mine from a small mill in Sykesville. There are about 4 in MD. One in Clarksburg moved away.

-- David in Damascus, MD

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