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Unwanted advice

by richgreer
posted 10-28-2013 09:56 PM


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63 replies

63 replies so far

View Airframer's profile

Airframer

2491 posts in 609 days


#1 posted 10-28-2013 09:59 PM

This is how I usually handle that situation..

-- Eric - "I'm getting proficient with these hand jobbers. - BigRedKnothead"

View grizzman's profile

grizzman

7011 posts in 1959 days


#2 posted 10-28-2013 10:02 PM

yea i would think you would love your bride, but sometimes our different opinions on design and such get in the way, im the kind of guy who likes to do the decore in our home, ive worked really hard building my home and pretty much all of the furniture in it, and im pretty lucky, as my bride of 34 years, lets me do my thing, but im also respectful of her likes and dislikes, we dont clash that much….even though she is in michigan for 2 weeks, i wont go around and change things the way i like…:))...my memory is getting bad, did that use to be over there….lol

-- GRIZZMAN ...[''''']

View Texcaster's profile

Texcaster

670 posts in 330 days


#3 posted 10-28-2013 10:05 PM

I think the trick is to get her to like your ideas so much, she starts taking all the credit.

-- Bill....... I listen very closely to the timber and then impose my will.

View bbc557ci's profile

bbc557ci

541 posts in 730 days


#4 posted 10-28-2013 10:10 PM

two majic words that always work for me and keep the peace ….. yes dear

edit in;;; then generally I do what I want

-- Bill, central NY...no where near the "big apple"

View nailbanger2's profile

nailbanger2

962 posts in 1800 days


#5 posted 10-28-2013 10:18 PM

Rich, I feel for you, but where do you think the acronym SWMBO came from?

-- Wish I were Norm's Nephew

View MrRon's profile

MrRon

2834 posts in 1900 days


#6 posted 10-28-2013 10:33 PM

I too like to design and build it my way, but no matter how good you think you are, there will always be someone who is better. I am never too proud to see the other guys views. Keep an open mind and you may learn something new. At 79, I learn something new every day. When you stop learning, you might as well lay down and die.

View distrbd's profile

distrbd

1117 posts in 1103 days


#7 posted 10-28-2013 10:46 PM

I most definitely listen to her wishes when it comes to designing furniture for our house,otherwise the house would be a reflection of me and my taste but since she still has to live in it ,then her opinion on the shape,size,design becomes important to me.
The funny thing is we both agree on 99% of what I make but my approach has made her to become my biggest fan and supporter,one point I never ever agree with her on is I like to stain and varnish what I build but she likes to paint them,but even that has not become an issue yet,I let her paint a few things and she lets me stain what I really feel should only be stained.

-- Ken from Ontario

View Dave G's profile

Dave G

175 posts in 704 days


#8 posted 10-28-2013 11:03 PM

I sometimes survive by negotiating “her” stuff and “my” stuff within a project. My (our) latest bathroom project she had the final say on all color. In turn, I had final say on building materials and methods. Draw a line and pick the battles to win a little and stay sane.

-- Dave, New England - “We are made to persist. that's how we find out who we are.” ― Tobias Wolff

View Jofa's profile

Jofa

215 posts in 494 days


#9 posted 10-28-2013 11:27 PM

If the wife asks for me to build something I’m just glad she thinks my skills are good enough. LOL!

-- Thank you Lord for the passion and ability to make things from your creation.

View Don W's profile

Don W

15037 posts in 1224 days


#10 posted 10-28-2013 11:30 PM

My wife’s the designer I’m the builder. We often argue about finish though.

-- Master hand plane hoarder. - http://timetestedtools.com

View mrjinx007's profile

mrjinx007

1459 posts in 424 days


#11 posted 10-29-2013 12:00 AM

Heck, the wife is not always right. Do the voodoo that you do well and she’ll come around.

-- earthartandfoods.com

View OldBoatMan's profile

OldBoatMan

15 posts in 1087 days


#12 posted 10-29-2013 01:00 AM

I’ll bet that if you drove a truck you would drive it your way and wouldn’t ask for, nor accept advice. But when you drive that family sedan—guess where the backseat driver sits. The good news is that you can keep driving and roger up for the advice.

View tturner's profile

tturner

40 posts in 685 days


#13 posted 10-29-2013 01:06 AM

Hi Rich. Nice to hear from you again-even in contest of the current project. I too can relate to your dilemma here. remember to appreciate the woodworking part more than the design part. I went through the same thing and the boss said-you dont have to agree with it; but you have to do it. I have to tell you, that is some great motivation there! She said this for the entertainment center, bedroom floor, kitchen cabinets, landscaping, dresser, bedroom furniture, bathroom cabinets…...it goes on. Now, I just grovel and mumble in an inaudible tone-yes dear….
I too want to state for the record I love my bride of 10 years!

-- I'm him

View Sandra's profile

Sandra

4451 posts in 731 days


#14 posted 10-29-2013 01:06 AM

Boo! It’s the wife ;)

-- No, I don't want to buy the pink hammer.

View GrandpaLen's profile

GrandpaLen

1514 posts in 929 days


#15 posted 10-29-2013 10:28 AM

Yes dear, I could build it that way but, it would require a couple new router bits, a new mortising chisel and that new back saw that I’ve been needing. ;-)

A few years ago her idea garnered my Ridged oscillating spindle sander. :-)

...yep, her way generally includes new tool purchase approval. ...just sayin’ 8-)

Work Safely and have Fun. – Grandpa Len.

-- Mother Nature should be proud of what you've done with her tree. - Len ...just north of a stone's throw from the oHIo, river that is, in So. Indiana.

View SebringDon's profile

SebringDon

95 posts in 596 days


#16 posted 10-29-2013 12:30 PM

GrandpaLen has the truth of it. I can build things my way with the tools I already have. When DW gets involved in the design process, it almost always means I need some new tools.

Then it’s up to her whether we do it my way or the expensive way. :D

-- Don

View helluvawreck's profile

helluvawreck

15808 posts in 1523 days


#17 posted 10-29-2013 02:06 PM

My hearing is not all that great and sometimes I just can’t hear what someone is saying. ;-|

helluvawreck aka Charles
http://woodworkingexpo.wordpress.com

-- If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau

View mds2's profile

mds2

241 posts in 600 days


#18 posted 10-29-2013 02:52 PM

“I really tried to get it to turn out that way but I just couldn’t get it to work. I had to do it this way instead.”

View Bluepine38's profile

Bluepine38

2876 posts in 1741 days


#19 posted 10-29-2013 03:01 PM

I have been lucky so far, and have finished most projects with no input, she seldom comes into the shop and
uses the intercom/phone to call me for supper. May sound weird, but be have two bathrooms, one is mainly
hers, and the other is mostly mine. On bigger projects, like the front and back deck and her music room/gym
we get together and design ahead of time. I has worked so far & I am sticking to it.

-- As ever, Gus-the 75 yr young apprentice carpenter

View Greg..the Cajun  Box Sculptor's profile

Greg..the Cajun Box Sculptor

5107 posts in 1965 days


#20 posted 10-29-2013 03:21 PM

You said you build 90% of your projects your way..Being married is a 50-50 partnership…so you are 40% ahead of the game. I say quit your whining and consider those mirror frames to be in the 10% of that 50-50 partnership.

-- If retiring is having the time to be able to do what you enjoy then I have always been retired.

View b2rtch's profile

b2rtch

4330 posts in 1704 days


#21 posted 10-29-2013 04:11 PM

I ask my wife her opinion but she knows that in the end I always do what ever I prefer to do.

-- Bert

View Moron's profile

Moron

4666 posts in 2550 days


#22 posted 10-29-2013 04:15 PM

Happy Wife = Happy Life

-- "Good artists borrow, great artists steal”…..Picasso

View BinghamtonEd's profile

BinghamtonEd

1346 posts in 1026 days


#23 posted 10-29-2013 04:15 PM

Anytime my wife wants to dictate how something gets built, her way usually requires the purchase of a new expensive tool, bit, blade, etc. Funny how that works. That way, even if I compromise on the design (which happens more than not), I win just a little bit.

-- - The mightiest oak in the forest is just a little nut that held its ground.

View b2rtch's profile

b2rtch

4330 posts in 1704 days


#24 posted 10-29-2013 04:19 PM

My wife always encourages me to buy more and/or better tools (I am the one who deal with the bills at the end of the month)

-- Bert

View b2rtch's profile

b2rtch

4330 posts in 1704 days


#25 posted 10-29-2013 04:22 PM

“Being married is a 50-50 partnership”
Not at home.
Certainly I respect my wife and I consider her opinion but I am always the one who makes the final decision and my wife is very happy to let me have the responsibilities.
You just cannot have two captains on one ship or imagine a car with two steering wheels

-- Bert

View richgreer's profile

richgreer

4524 posts in 1731 days


#26 posted 10-29-2013 04:24 PM

I find these comments about how doing it her way is used as a reason (excuse) to buy more tools.

I guess I’m very fortunate and maybe my situation is unique. I never seek permission to buy a tool or anything else. If I need it or just want it, I buy it. The same is true for my wife when she buys furniture, cloths, kitchen toys, etc. We both understand our overall financial situation and I believe we are both prudent in how we spend money but neither one of us seek consent from the other on any purchase. Works well for us.

-- Rich, Cedar Rapids, IA - I'm a woodworker. I don't create beauty, I reveal it.

View b2rtch's profile

b2rtch

4330 posts in 1704 days


#27 posted 10-29-2013 04:34 PM

“I guess I’m very fortunate and maybe my situation is unique. I never seek permission to buy a tool or anything else. If I need it or just want it, I buy it. The same is true for my wife when she buys furniture, cloths, kitchen toys, etc. We both understand our overall financial situation and I believe we are both prudent in how we spend money but neither one of us seek consent from the other on any purchase. Works well for us.”

Same here.
From time to time I just tel my wife about how much or how little money we have left and I do not need to worry.
Most to the time I buy her what she needs as she will not buy it herself.

-- Bert

View bigblockyeti's profile

bigblockyeti

1548 posts in 377 days


#28 posted 10-29-2013 04:46 PM

I usually have a long list of criteria given to me at the inception of any project, but more often than not it takes me so long to get anything completed that she’s happy just to have it done! Sometimes that just how it works out, sometimes that’s the way I make it work out.

View JayT's profile

JayT

2277 posts in 867 days


#29 posted 10-29-2013 04:56 PM

Like many of you, my wife is the designer—good thing, she is much better than me in that regard. When my wife wants something built, I look at it as no different than if someone was willing to commission me for a project. I am free to make suggestions and recommendations, but in the end the customer knows what they want from a design perspective and it is my responsibility to make it happen, to the best of my ability.

Many times she takes my suggestions, but many others, she knows the look she is going for and I make it work. For my own projects, she has no say, unless I ask her opinion.

-- "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money." Alexis de Tocqueville, 1835

View dbray45's profile

dbray45

2503 posts in 1433 days


#30 posted 10-29-2013 05:51 PM

My better half has the design thing as well. She tells me what she wants, how it is to look. How it gets that way is my problem.

This is not a bad thing, but really good. Say you get a call from a designer, what you make for that person determines if they ever come back. Knowing how to interpret what they say into reality is a really good thing and can be very profitable.

-- David in Damascus, MD

View pintodeluxe's profile

pintodeluxe

3363 posts in 1469 days


#31 posted 10-29-2013 06:30 PM

My wife and I collaborate on most of our furniture and remodeling projects. When we combine our designs we almost always end up with a final product that I like more than either of our original ideas. It is the best of both worlds. We both are included, and see the design elements we like taking shape in the project. Yet the function and form improve with each plan revision.

Of course it helps that we both like the same general style.

-- Willie, Washington "If You Choose Not To Decide, You Still Have Made a Choice" - Rush

View Monte Pittman's profile

Monte Pittman

14207 posts in 994 days


#32 posted 10-29-2013 06:59 PM

Wife wins, next question.

We say that it is “our home”. But the reality is that in most cases it’s hers and she lets us stay there. As long as my shop stays mine I am fine with that.

-- Mother Nature created it, I just assemble it.

View teejk's profile

teejk

1215 posts in 1341 days


#33 posted 10-29-2013 07:20 PM

View Blackie_'s profile

Blackie_

3409 posts in 1169 days


#34 posted 10-29-2013 07:22 PM

I’m not married so this would not apply to me but… I am wondering and this also might not apply for Rich but I have a question Rich, about the 90%, is all of your work mostly geared toward your own personal uses in other words not customer related?

-- Randy - If I'm not on LJ's then I'm making Saw Dust. Please feel free to visit my store location at http://www.facebook.com/randy.blackstock.custom.wood.designs

View SCOTSMAN's profile (online now)

SCOTSMAN

5364 posts in 2241 days


#35 posted 10-29-2013 07:23 PM

Just watch that confidence does not become arrogence.LOL and I too have been married 42 years aug 14 the 1971 LOL always learning seldom arrogent ALISTAIR

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View natenaaron's profile

natenaaron

369 posts in 453 days


#36 posted 10-29-2013 07:31 PM

Dealing with this myself. it is a real PIA. I want contrasting bow tie keys on the slab dinner table I am building, she HATES the look. Absolutely refuses to have them at all. When I told her what they were for she told me to find another way.

We may love our wives but we are allowed to be really freaking aggravated with them at times.

View b2rtch's profile

b2rtch

4330 posts in 1704 days


#37 posted 10-29-2013 07:34 PM

“We may love our wives but we are allowed to be really freaking aggravated with them at times.”
Amen!

-- Bert

View richgreer's profile

richgreer

4524 posts in 1731 days


#38 posted 10-29-2013 07:34 PM

Blackie_. I don’t do much customer related work. A large percentage of my work becomes gifts for friends and relatives. Lately, I have been doing sizable projects for our 2 sons. I recently built a cradle for our new grandson. I particularly enjoyed that project and I did it 100% my way without even using plans (other than what was in my head). A rocking horse project is coming up soon.

-- Rich, Cedar Rapids, IA - I'm a woodworker. I don't create beauty, I reveal it.

View richgreer's profile

richgreer

4524 posts in 1731 days


#39 posted 10-29-2013 07:37 PM

SCOTSMAN- you have been married exactly 1 week longer than my wife and I.

-- Rich, Cedar Rapids, IA - I'm a woodworker. I don't create beauty, I reveal it.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3137 posts in 1160 days


#40 posted 10-29-2013 07:53 PM

Richgreer, sounds like you subscribe to the foolish premise that it is my way or no way. You need to work on that ego thing…and let the wife make a few decisions. How earth shattering can a picture frame be?

-- My bad, 2015 is the correct year...

View DanaA1972's profile

DanaA1972

68 posts in 332 days


#41 posted 10-29-2013 08:01 PM

yea I too am like that with my work and techniques. If I a ask for advice is one thing… but otherwise I feel everyone has their own style of doing things and that is what makes us individuals. I am fortunate that my fiance’ is very supportive on every decision I make. As he is a tattoo artist. And I am an artist of not only woodburning, but also charcoal, oil pastels, painting and I design many of his tattoos. So he admires my views on how I do things.

-- Dana

View DanaA1972's profile

DanaA1972

68 posts in 332 days


#42 posted 10-29-2013 08:04 PM

I know he wouldn’t want me to try and tell him how to tattoo when he has been doing it for like 17 years and I only have been tattooing occasionally for about 4 years off and on …. wouldn’t make him very happy I am sure lol.

-- Dana

View Diwayne's profile

Diwayne

205 posts in 1346 days


#43 posted 10-29-2013 08:04 PM

yea, id do it my way.

-- What one man can do, another man can also do.

View Blackie_'s profile

Blackie_

3409 posts in 1169 days


#44 posted 10-29-2013 08:34 PM

Ah ok it doesn’t apply then, :) I can just see it now, “customer: Rich I want etc made like etc” and then the fight starts… LOL

-- Randy - If I'm not on LJ's then I'm making Saw Dust. Please feel free to visit my store location at http://www.facebook.com/randy.blackstock.custom.wood.designs

View Domer's profile

Domer

248 posts in 2023 days


#45 posted 10-29-2013 09:26 PM

My wife and I collaborate on most of the designs that are intended for our home. Most of the time, she does have good ideas so it works pretty well.

We used to fight all of the time over almost everything but age and being married for 44 years has taken some of the sting out of all of it.

View Denco's profile

Denco

31 posts in 476 days


#46 posted 10-29-2013 09:43 PM

Which do you want more: Being right or being happy? Sometimes a happy wife is much better than doing a project one’s own way.

-- Cut wood or cut weeds today.....well, 6ft weeds can go another week.

View tomd's profile

tomd

1758 posts in 2426 days


#47 posted 10-29-2013 09:48 PM

Well after 54 years of marriage I feel the house is hers. She cooks my food, washes my clothes, makes my bed, cleans the house and I go to my shop and make dust. Therefor anything she wants in the house she got it, and I feel like a lucky man.

-- Tom D

View Jerry's profile

Jerry

2196 posts in 2203 days


#48 posted 10-29-2013 10:14 PM

The interesting fact about our situation is that my wife is an extremely skilled carpenter and finish person. Her skills are amazing. We have a nicely equipped shop and she will envision what she wants and next thing I know she is bringing it home. There is no issues with design or build since she is not asking me to build anything. She used to ask me about building something and I would tell her to just go build it “yourself”, my way of encouraging her to realize and maximize the talent I seen in her.

In fact she is so amazing she has had offers for hire at other shops that become aware of her talents. And my current customer fired a guy in lue of her performing a task that the customer viewed her as being far superior in.

As far as new tools and machines, she is one of the strongest supporters for the acquisition of machinery.

-- Jerry Nettrour, San Antonio, www.topqualitycabinets.net

View EEngineer's profile

EEngineer

893 posts in 2269 days


#49 posted 10-30-2013 01:21 AM

Nope, sorry, I have run into this situation a few times. I have always decided that I was the one with enough knowledge to make the call and I did it my way!.

Usually my significant other sees it my way after it is all in place. If not, tough titties! I do the work – I make the call!

Your “OK, then you do it!” is not out of line at all.

-- "Find out what you cannot do and then go do it!"

View Rick M.'s profile

Rick M.

3975 posts in 1036 days


#50 posted 10-30-2013 02:13 AM

The paint vs natural wood has come up at our house a few times mostly over kitchen cabinets. I gave in on the paint because it was a bigger deal to her than me but I chose the wall color and countertops. She’s happy, I’m happy, it works out.

The only other thing we butted heads on was furniture styles. I love the clean, uncluttered look of modern but she hates it.

-- |Statistics show that 100% of people bitten by a snake were close to it.|

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