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Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

by DKV
posted 08-24-2012 06:55 PM


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230 replies

230 replies so far

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

7470 posts in 1427 days


#201 posted 09-06-2012 05:49 PM

French Soldier, on his first assignment to a desert fort, put up with the boring routine for a few weeks. Finally asked another soldier: What do you do for “Girlie excitement” around here?”

“We have a Camel over there in the stables”

“Ah, no thanks”

A few more weeks pass, same question, same answer. Finally driven to extremes, he started to molest the camel. Another soldier came in: “WTF are you doing!” “Well, you said to use the camel…”

“Idiot! We use the camel to go over that nearby hill, and into TOWN….”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View dakremer's profile

dakremer

2492 posts in 1835 days


#202 posted 09-06-2012 06:53 PM

I know for a fact that DKV does not have goats. They are mine. I live across the street. Common mistake

-- Hey you dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!!!!

View DKV's profile

DKV

3194 posts in 1248 days


#203 posted 09-06-2012 07:01 PM

Dak, they only think they’re mine because you’re too cheap to fix your fence. Besides, I think one of the goats likes Sarah.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View dakremer's profile

dakremer

2492 posts in 1835 days


#204 posted 09-06-2012 07:15 PM

lets not forget, Sarah is the one that put her foot through my fence in the first place. While we’re on the subject, the last time you cut your grass, you went over the property line and cut some of my grass. I like my grass cut at 2”, you cut your grass at 1.5” Please stop this, you are ruining my lawn. Also I saw Sarah pooped in my yard again while you were taking her for a walk. Please pick it up next time

-- Hey you dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!!!!

View SCOTSMAN's profile

SCOTSMAN

5578 posts in 2329 days


#205 posted 09-06-2012 07:58 PM

I saw a sign once,that said EARS PIERCED WHILE YOU WAIT. as if you could leave them and come back an hour later.some stupid things and I also was horrified to find a Chinese restaurant which had a sign on the door which said GONE TO LUNCH. go figure it out AS THEY SAY aLISTAIR

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

7470 posts in 1427 days


#206 posted 09-06-2012 08:23 PM

“Here’s your sign..”

Cop comes up the a trucker who has managed to get his semi stuck under an overpass.


Cop: ” Get your truck stuck?”

Trucker: ” Nope, I was delivering that over pass and ran out of fuel…”

( This might start something strange…)

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3361 posts in 917 days


#207 posted 09-06-2012 08:24 PM

Wait, wait, wait. I’m confused a bit now. DKV, who’s Sarah?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

7470 posts in 1427 days


#208 posted 09-06-2012 08:26 PM

that would be his blonde girl-friend…..

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3361 posts in 917 days


#209 posted 09-06-2012 08:37 PM

Oh, I thought Sarah’s one of DKV’s camels.

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View DKV's profile

DKV

3194 posts in 1248 days


#210 posted 09-06-2012 09:36 PM

Sarah is my alpha camel.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3361 posts in 917 days


#211 posted 09-06-2012 09:39 PM

So..Sarah is a blonde alpha camel and at the same time your girlfriend, DKV?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

7470 posts in 1427 days


#212 posted 09-06-2012 09:54 PM

saw a fellow stabbing away at his locked up car with a coat hanger, and just couldn’ t help myself…

“Locked your keys in the car?.......”

“Nope, I just washed it, and I’m trying to hang it out to dry”

“Here’s your sign…..” ( thank you to Bill Engwall)

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View Roger Clark aka Rex's profile

Roger Clark aka Rex

6940 posts in 2179 days


#213 posted 09-07-2012 03:47 AM

Does an Alpha camel have one hump or two?

-- Roger-R, Republic of Texas. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" - An eyeball to eyeball confrontation with a blind person is as complete waste of Time.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3194 posts in 1248 days


#214 posted 09-07-2012 04:41 AM

Rex, Sarah has one hump and is the meanest camel in the herd. No one messes with Sarah.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1713 days


#215 posted 09-07-2012 07:11 AM

No one messes with Sarah except DKV.

View thedude50's profile

thedude50

3529 posts in 1222 days


#216 posted 09-07-2012 08:27 AM

Thank you Mike this could be the beginning of a new friendship. BTW I lover the new Blanket chest but I cant saw that on the project page as I am still blocked by you even though I unblocked you months ago .

I think DKV is a surfer wannabe from Sacramento where the only waves are at the skate park where the rest of the children play. I guess what tipped me off was the Pet steps since they belong to some guy in Oklahoma or some place like that. Just another stock photo. DKV must mean something but I dont know what yet.

Now i AM GOING TO GO HAVE SOME bb Q pork ribs

-- when I am not on Lumberjocks I am on @ http://thisoldworkshop.com where we allow free speech

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1713 days


#217 posted 09-07-2012 10:07 AM

Is this true DKV?, are the pet steps you posted someone else’s work?

Say it isn’t so…

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1713 days


#218 posted 09-07-2012 11:28 AM

Here is Sarah. She’s a looker alright.

View thedude50's profile

thedude50

3529 posts in 1222 days


#219 posted 09-07-2012 11:59 AM

no man i was messing with him he wants anonymity and yet he wants to sell his wares the net is full of steps like his I am sure he made his I know he stole the idea though

-- when I am not on Lumberjocks I am on @ http://thisoldworkshop.com where we allow free speech

View SCOTSMAN's profile

SCOTSMAN

5578 posts in 2329 days


#220 posted 09-07-2012 01:01 PM

Wot no eyeshadow? seems naked without it.But she’s a stunner for sure. Alistair

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1713 days


#221 posted 09-07-2012 01:14 PM

Seeing as this camel thing is being done to death, here is a little factoid for your delectation.

The oldest modification of an intrauterine device (IUD) used today was suggested by Hippocrates who thought that inserting different objects into the uterus could make pregnancy impossible. Additionally, Arab camel drivers placed stones into the uterus of their female camels in order to prevent pregnancy in them.

Useful you will agree, but just what was going through the mind of the first person to try this?

View thedude50's profile

thedude50

3529 posts in 1222 days


#222 posted 09-07-2012 01:25 PM

just ask DKV he invited it just like he invented pet steps

-- when I am not on Lumberjocks I am on @ http://thisoldworkshop.com where we allow free speech

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3361 posts in 917 days


#223 posted 09-07-2012 02:07 PM

Oh, yeah, she is beautiful! Wait, I thought Sarah is an alpha male camel? Why is she wearing wig like DKV? And why do we call her she in the first place?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View StumpyNubs's profile

StumpyNubs

6272 posts in 1544 days


#224 posted 09-07-2012 02:23 PM

My great grandfather was a foreman with the iron workers. When someone complained about something being hard he’d say “could you send your wife in tomorrow? We need to get some work done…”

One day on the job site it was very cold (this was 1940’s Detroit). Everybody wanted to quit for the day, but grandpa wasn’t having it. So one of the guys said “I’ll work, but go call my wife and ask her to bring that old dog inside the house. This is no weather for him to be out in”. The point was made.

When I was a boy and couldn’t lift or move something heavy, my father was fond of saying “go next door and get those little girls to come do it for you.” Today I say something similar in the shop, except I follow it up by calling them a “pantywaist”.

One of my favorite sayings was in my last podcast (the little segment called “Crazy Stuff Stumpy Thinks About”) It was “my new jeans are so tight that the only way to be comfortable in them is while leaning against an ‘84 Trans-Am.”

-- It's the best woodworking show since the invention of wood... New episodes at: http://www.stumpynubs.com

View DKV's profile

DKV

3194 posts in 1248 days


#225 posted 09-07-2012 03:49 PM

Geez Louise, I go away for one day and the place goes to hell.

Renners, the pet steps were made by me and the post is real.

Surfside, an alpha animal can be male or female. Just look at some human marriages.

Dude, for someone that wants nothing to do with me you sure are sneaking around and following everything I do.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3361 posts in 917 days


#226 posted 09-07-2012 04:08 PM

Ok. DKV, my dog wants to give his regards to your Sarah. Probably a good match.

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

7470 posts in 1427 days


#227 posted 09-07-2012 08:12 PM

There is no job that this crew can’t complicate up.

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View devann's profile

devann

1735 posts in 1436 days


#228 posted 09-08-2012 04:34 AM

Sir, I’d like to match wits with you, but you appear disarmed.

-- Darrell, making more sawdust than I know what to do with

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3361 posts in 917 days


#229 posted 09-10-2012 04:27 PM

Whoa! This sounds like a challenge. BTW, who are you talking to, Sir?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1713 days


#230 posted 09-10-2012 05:47 PM

You can lead a camel to water but you can’t make it drink. (Old Bedouin saying)

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