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View DKV's profile

Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

by DKV
posted 707 days ago


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230 replies

230 replies so far

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

6706 posts in 1289 days


#201 posted 694 days ago

French Soldier, on his first assignment to a desert fort, put up with the boring routine for a few weeks. Finally asked another soldier: What do you do for “Girlie excitement” around here?”

“We have a Camel over there in the stables”

“Ah, no thanks”

A few more weeks pass, same question, same answer. Finally driven to extremes, he started to molest the camel. Another soldier came in: “WTF are you doing!” “Well, you said to use the camel…”

“Idiot! We use the camel to go over that nearby hill, and into TOWN….”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View dakremer's profile

dakremer

2448 posts in 1697 days


#202 posted 694 days ago

I know for a fact that DKV does not have goats. They are mine. I live across the street. Common mistake

-- Hey you dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!!!!

View DKV's profile

DKV

3059 posts in 1109 days


#203 posted 694 days ago

Dak, they only think they’re mine because you’re too cheap to fix your fence. Besides, I think one of the goats likes Sarah.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View dakremer's profile

dakremer

2448 posts in 1697 days


#204 posted 694 days ago

lets not forget, Sarah is the one that put her foot through my fence in the first place. While we’re on the subject, the last time you cut your grass, you went over the property line and cut some of my grass. I like my grass cut at 2”, you cut your grass at 1.5” Please stop this, you are ruining my lawn. Also I saw Sarah pooped in my yard again while you were taking her for a walk. Please pick it up next time

-- Hey you dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!!!!

View SCOTSMAN's profile

SCOTSMAN

5281 posts in 2191 days


#205 posted 694 days ago

I saw a sign once,that said EARS PIERCED WHILE YOU WAIT. as if you could leave them and come back an hour later.some stupid things and I also was horrified to find a Chinese restaurant which had a sign on the door which said GONE TO LUNCH. go figure it out AS THEY SAY aLISTAIR

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

6706 posts in 1289 days


#206 posted 694 days ago

“Here’s your sign..”

Cop comes up the a trucker who has managed to get his semi stuck under an overpass.


Cop: ” Get your truck stuck?”

Trucker: ” Nope, I was delivering that over pass and ran out of fuel…”

( This might start something strange…)

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3054 posts in 779 days


#207 posted 694 days ago

Wait, wait, wait. I’m confused a bit now. DKV, who’s Sarah?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

6706 posts in 1289 days


#208 posted 694 days ago

that would be his blonde girl-friend…..

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3054 posts in 779 days


#209 posted 694 days ago

Oh, I thought Sarah’s one of DKV’s camels.

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View DKV's profile

DKV

3059 posts in 1109 days


#210 posted 694 days ago

Sarah is my alpha camel.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3054 posts in 779 days


#211 posted 694 days ago

So..Sarah is a blonde alpha camel and at the same time your girlfriend, DKV?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

6706 posts in 1289 days


#212 posted 694 days ago

saw a fellow stabbing away at his locked up car with a coat hanger, and just couldn’ t help myself…

“Locked your keys in the car?.......”

“Nope, I just washed it, and I’m trying to hang it out to dry”

“Here’s your sign…..” ( thank you to Bill Engwall)

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View Roger Clark aka Rex's profile

Roger Clark aka Rex

6940 posts in 2040 days


#213 posted 693 days ago

Does an Alpha camel have one hump or two?

-- Roger-R, Republic of Texas. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" - An eyeball to eyeball confrontation with a blind person is as complete waste of Time.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3059 posts in 1109 days


#214 posted 693 days ago

Rex, Sarah has one hump and is the meanest camel in the herd. No one messes with Sarah.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1575 days


#215 posted 693 days ago

No one messes with Sarah except DKV.

View thedude50's profile

thedude50

3507 posts in 1083 days


#216 posted 693 days ago

Thank you Mike this could be the beginning of a new friendship. BTW I lover the new Blanket chest but I cant saw that on the project page as I am still blocked by you even though I unblocked you months ago .

I think DKV is a surfer wannabe from Sacramento where the only waves are at the skate park where the rest of the children play. I guess what tipped me off was the Pet steps since they belong to some guy in Oklahoma or some place like that. Just another stock photo. DKV must mean something but I dont know what yet.

Now i AM GOING TO GO HAVE SOME bb Q pork ribs

-- when I am not on Lumberjocks I am on @ http://thisoldworkshop.com where we allow free speech

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1575 days


#217 posted 693 days ago

Is this true DKV?, are the pet steps you posted someone else’s work?

Say it isn’t so…

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1575 days


#218 posted 693 days ago

Here is Sarah. She’s a looker alright.

View thedude50's profile

thedude50

3507 posts in 1083 days


#219 posted 693 days ago

no man i was messing with him he wants anonymity and yet he wants to sell his wares the net is full of steps like his I am sure he made his I know he stole the idea though

-- when I am not on Lumberjocks I am on @ http://thisoldworkshop.com where we allow free speech

View SCOTSMAN's profile

SCOTSMAN

5281 posts in 2191 days


#220 posted 693 days ago

Wot no eyeshadow? seems naked without it.But she’s a stunner for sure. Alistair

-- excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1575 days


#221 posted 693 days ago

Seeing as this camel thing is being done to death, here is a little factoid for your delectation.

The oldest modification of an intrauterine device (IUD) used today was suggested by Hippocrates who thought that inserting different objects into the uterus could make pregnancy impossible. Additionally, Arab camel drivers placed stones into the uterus of their female camels in order to prevent pregnancy in them.

Useful you will agree, but just what was going through the mind of the first person to try this?

View thedude50's profile

thedude50

3507 posts in 1083 days


#222 posted 693 days ago

just ask DKV he invited it just like he invented pet steps

-- when I am not on Lumberjocks I am on @ http://thisoldworkshop.com where we allow free speech

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3054 posts in 779 days


#223 posted 693 days ago

Oh, yeah, she is beautiful! Wait, I thought Sarah is an alpha male camel? Why is she wearing wig like DKV? And why do we call her she in the first place?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View StumpyNubs's profile

StumpyNubs

6123 posts in 1406 days


#224 posted 693 days ago

My great grandfather was a foreman with the iron workers. When someone complained about something being hard he’d say “could you send your wife in tomorrow? We need to get some work done…”

One day on the job site it was very cold (this was 1940’s Detroit). Everybody wanted to quit for the day, but grandpa wasn’t having it. So one of the guys said “I’ll work, but go call my wife and ask her to bring that old dog inside the house. This is no weather for him to be out in”. The point was made.

When I was a boy and couldn’t lift or move something heavy, my father was fond of saying “go next door and get those little girls to come do it for you.” Today I say something similar in the shop, except I follow it up by calling them a “pantywaist”.

One of my favorite sayings was in my last podcast (the little segment called “Crazy Stuff Stumpy Thinks About”) It was “my new jeans are so tight that the only way to be comfortable in them is while leaning against an ‘84 Trans-Am.”

-- It's the best woodworking show since the invention of wood... New episodes at: http://www.stumpynubs.com

View DKV's profile

DKV

3059 posts in 1109 days


#225 posted 693 days ago

Geez Louise, I go away for one day and the place goes to hell.

Renners, the pet steps were made by me and the post is real.

Surfside, an alpha animal can be male or female. Just look at some human marriages.

Dude, for someone that wants nothing to do with me you sure are sneaking around and following everything I do.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3054 posts in 779 days


#226 posted 693 days ago

Ok. DKV, my dog wants to give his regards to your Sarah. Probably a good match.

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

6706 posts in 1289 days


#227 posted 693 days ago

There is no job that this crew can’t complicate up.

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View devann's profile

devann

1735 posts in 1298 days


#228 posted 692 days ago

Sir, I’d like to match wits with you, but you appear disarmed.

-- Darrell, making more sawdust than I know what to do with

View Surfside's profile

Surfside

3054 posts in 779 days


#229 posted 690 days ago

Whoa! This sounds like a challenge. BTW, who are you talking to, Sir?

-- "someone has to be wounded for others to be saved, someone has to sacrifice for others to feel happiness, someone has to die so others could live"

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1575 days


#230 posted 690 days ago

You can lead a camel to water but you can’t make it drink. (Old Bedouin saying)

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