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Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

by DKV
posted 733 days ago


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230 replies

230 replies so far

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#101 posted 726 days ago

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn’t it be leaving a dump?

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#102 posted 726 days ago

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why’s it still #2?

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#103 posted 726 days ago

What do chickens think we taste like?

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#104 posted 726 days ago

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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oldnovice

3710 posts in 2000 days


#105 posted 726 days ago

Based on the diversity of this country, the beliefs of people don’t bother me. After all, I am not from this country and I have beliefs with which you may or may not agree!

My concern is not the beliefs of people but the stupidity of some … go ask a counter person at McDonald’s for a half dozen nuggets and they reply “we don’t have that”! Then tell them you will settle for a six piece and they have no problem …. that is stupidity! Similar to the pictures you posted above!

My point is that beliefs and stupidity are NOT the same!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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derosa

1536 posts in 1468 days


#106 posted 726 days ago

Politics often seems like an appropriate name when you break down the word. Poli meaning many and tics meaning small bloodsuckers that crawl under your skin.

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#107 posted 726 days ago

You have to admit a lot of beliefs ARE stupid.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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americanwoodworker

181 posts in 1005 days


#108 posted 726 days ago

I feel for ya brother, but I cant reach ya

It’s been real and its been nice, But it ain’t been real nice

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey

Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.

That boy smells like he ate the B-hole out of a skunk

All opinions are my wife’s; I have none. (In my opinion.)

My favorite one so far… Boy, I will hit you so fast, so hard, from so many directions that when I stop, you’d say “y’all stop that now”.

*Disclaimer If anyone was offended or injured emotionally after being forced to read the above I sincerely apologize. Any opinions expressed are my own, and generally unpopular with others. Everything stated in this message is to be considered my own opinion, and not an official representation of Lumberjocks or any other lumberjock employees. Actual mileage may vary. Price does not include tax, title, and license. Some assembly required. Each sold separately. Batteries not included. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Keep out of reach of children. Avoid prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. Keep in a cool dark place.

If you are injured after reading this or if conditions persist, contact a Mental health provider (a.k.a. psychiatrist).

-- Your freedom to be you, includes my freedom to be free from you.

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Dwain

323 posts in 2491 days


#109 posted 726 days ago

DeRosa – Love your first quote. I will use it with your permission…heck, I’ll just use it, sorry.

DKV – Really fun thread, I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks!

-- When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there is no end to what you CAN'T do

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#110 posted 726 days ago

Now this is a GREAT idea.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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oldnovice

3710 posts in 2000 days


#111 posted 726 days ago

DONE!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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fussy

980 posts in 1683 days


#112 posted 726 days ago

If I could remove your brain, I could put it in the eyeball of a gnat and it would rattle like a bb in a boxcar.

If I could buy you for what you’re worth, and sell you for what you THINK you’re worth, I could NEVER spend all the money I’d make.

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

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fussy

980 posts in 1683 days


#113 posted 726 days ago

DKV,

I think most reasonable men (of which there seem to be very few in the tea party) would agree. Unless some would like to compare them to the Red Guard or the Wafen Schutzstaffel: two groups that brooked no compromise, no common sense and no straying from the party line. Seig Heil !!

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

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americanwoodworker

181 posts in 1005 days


#114 posted 725 days ago

Well, not everyone’s GPA can be as high as those gas prices

-- Your freedom to be you, includes my freedom to be free from you.

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muleskinner

668 posts in 1068 days


#115 posted 725 days ago

Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.

(a little bon mot that always brings my in-laws to mind)

-- Visualize whirled peas

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#116 posted 725 days ago

I think my hearing is starting to go south. This morning my wife sent me to the store for milk and bagels. I came home with milk, bagels and chocolate muffins. I KNOW she said chocolate muffins.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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crank49

3373 posts in 1603 days


#117 posted 725 days ago

You’re talking so much $h!t I don’t know whether to offer you toilet paper or breath mints.

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#118 posted 725 days ago

Crank49, if $h!t is supposed to substitute for shit then just say shit. Also, I assume you’re talking to me but in the future make sure you direct your profanity in such a manner that I will have no doubt. I don’t know you crank but one of my camels is familiar with you. She said you were sneaking around the pens last night.

Now, what is it exactly that so upsets you. This is a pretty benign thread and I can’t imagine what it is I wrote that would soooooo get your panties in a wad. If you come at me in an adult fashion I can then respond to you likewise. Toilet paper and shit just dont get a conversation headed in the right direction. I am so happy I was able to give you some tips on “niceness”.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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bandit571

6849 posts in 1315 days


#119 posted 725 days ago

Sign above urinals: “Do NOT eat the Mints”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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fussy

980 posts in 1683 days


#120 posted 725 days ago

Sign above the urinal, “Please do not throw cigarettes into the urinal as they become soggy and hard to light.” ” ” ” ” “Support mental health or I’ll kill you!”

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

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JAGWAH

929 posts in 1716 days


#121 posted 725 days ago

DKV I may be wrong but I thought Crank was just offering up a phrase like everyone else. I’ve heard that saying before as well as used it. JMHO

-- ~Just A Guy With A Hammer~

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#122 posted 725 days ago

Jagwah, me and my camels sure are embarrassed. Do you think I owe Crank an apology? Crank, if you were just adding to the collection I apologize. Wow, I sure blew that one. Thanks for the heads up.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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JAGWAH

929 posts in 1716 days


#123 posted 725 days ago

DKV, Just helping a bro out. He may have meant it but an appoligy never hurts.

-- ~Just A Guy With A Hammer~

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JAGWAH

929 posts in 1716 days


#124 posted 725 days ago

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

-- ~Just A Guy With A Hammer~

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#125 posted 725 days ago

We should pray to the angels, for they are given to us as guardians. 

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#126 posted 725 days ago

I really like this. It is what I am all about.

Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away. 

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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crank49

3373 posts in 1603 days


#127 posted 725 days ago

DKV,
No, I was not talking to you. If I was i would have used your name.
Have you said something you thought would provoke such a response from me?
Sorry I missed it.
I actually heard that in a resturant last night and thought it was a “cutsie saying and quick comeback”

Your camels must be mistaken.
Do you converse with them often?

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#128 posted 725 days ago

Crank, you’re funny. First, I compared the Tea Party to the new American Taliban. I thought you might have been upset over that. Second, yes I do talk to my camels frequently and yes they talk back. Third, it was dark and she probably didn’t have a good view of whoever was hanging around the pens whispering sweet nothings to her and my other camels.
Don

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#129 posted 725 days ago

Here’s a good one. Can anyone explain it? I think it could be a discussion all it’s own.

“It turns people into hateful lemmings, and it’s not very compassionate.”

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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Jason™

85 posts in 759 days


#130 posted 725 days ago

Fits like a Finger in an ASS!!

Although your response DKV doesn’t!! Though it would get alot of attention due to so many different beliefs on a subject I would consider to meaning types of religion?
Not interesting at all I must say I like the sayings myself

Never heard so many different sayings til I watched the show on Tru TV called “Lizard Lick Towing”

-- Im all night long!! all night .. all night .. ALL NIGHT LONG

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#131 posted 724 days ago

The matter-antimatter matrix in your pooper is higgedly-piggedly.

Jason, how could I possibly be talking about religion when I write the words “hateful lemmings” and “not very compassionate”? Not that we are suppposed to be talking about it but religion is all about loving, caring people that have empathy for their fellow man and go out of their way to preach and promote peace throughout the world.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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Jason™

85 posts in 759 days


#132 posted 724 days ago

Sir yes sir…. ok

-- Im all night long!! all night .. all night .. ALL NIGHT LONG

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derosa

1536 posts in 1468 days


#133 posted 724 days ago

DKV- that is a really nice idealistic view of religion, too bad some of the people on the ground haven’t figured that out. I can easily see how that quote could be applied. Now off the bandwagon.

old one from high school to get back on topic; lets get off the subject of moms cause I just got off yours.
There are three types of people in this world; liars, damn liars and statisticians. Gotten from a Statistician who worked in DC

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

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shelly_b

841 posts in 750 days


#134 posted 724 days ago

“worthless as tits on a boar hog”

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shelly_b

841 posts in 750 days


#135 posted 724 days ago

on using if’s:
“if grandma had balls she’s be grandpa”
on a big truck:
“low rider’s are for guys that can’t get it up”
on one of my boyfriend’s truck-
“my other vehicle is a shitbox too” lol
“gone faster than a fart in a wind storm”
not a line but a fun way to confuse people-when going paying in a store or fastfood resturaunt, give them change thats not exact and see how many times they count it and how long they sit there and stare at it wondering why you gave them $5.12 when your total was $4.87…than I have to say “excuse me, I was suposed to get a quarter back and you gave me 15cents.. you would not beleive how many times I get the wrong change back. That is one of the tougher ones though lol. but it still happens with the simple ones too. last time this happened and I said I was supposed to get a quarter back the girl said “Ohhh, i wondered why you gave me that change! I see now! You are so smart!” lol (I don’t like having a bunch of change so I try to get the least back that I can).

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#136 posted 724 days ago

Shelly, that last one was totally evil considering the mathematicians our schools are turning out.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#137 posted 724 days ago

Easy peasy lemon squeezy

Now we’re talking chinese…

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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woodshaver

2754 posts in 1985 days


#138 posted 724 days ago

Tell a smart ass…...You’re a very Fart Smeller!

-- Tony C , My high school shop teacher said "You can do it"... Now I can't stop!

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oldnovice

3710 posts in 2000 days


#139 posted 724 days ago

This is a true story!

My son works for a large electronics retailer and this happened recently when a man came to pay off his account with $2.00 bills. The store called the police, the police arrested him and took him away. When his lawyer arrived he laughed and told them that this is legal tender and this was a false arrest.

This is a real chain of ignorance!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#140 posted 724 days ago

TO ALL PARTICIPANTS OF THIS THREAD I HAVE MODIFIED THE TITLE TO INCLUDE “STUPID QUOTES” We should get some real mileage out of this change. I will start with a quote from my all time favorite person “Dan the Man” Quayle.

“My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right.”

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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woodshaver

2754 posts in 1985 days


#141 posted 724 days ago

Yah! Dan the man! “Your no Jack Kennedy”!

-- Tony C , My high school shop teacher said "You can do it"... Now I can't stop!

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#142 posted 724 days ago

“You know the one thing that’s wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say.” – Bill Clinton

“Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.” – Bill Clinton

“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.” – Dan Quayle

“I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.” – David Dinkins, New York City Mayor

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#143 posted 724 days ago

Sneaking and peaking, snooping and pooping…

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3074 posts in 1136 days


#144 posted 723 days ago

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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bandit571

6849 posts in 1315 days


#145 posted 723 days ago

“Don’t go away mad. Girl, just, go away” power ballad from the Crue….

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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bandit571

6849 posts in 1315 days


#146 posted 723 days ago

What is usually said just before a 911 call..

“Hey, watch this! Here, hold my beer…...”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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bandit571

6849 posts in 1315 days


#147 posted 723 days ago

A song from a movie….

“Just watch old bandit run….”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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bandit571

6849 posts in 1315 days


#148 posted 723 days ago

Now, who sang that tune, and in which movie…..

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View JJohnston's profile

JJohnston

1577 posts in 1923 days


#149 posted 723 days ago

Jerry Reed – “Smokey and the Bandit” – name of the tune is “Eastbound and Down”.

-- "Sorry I'm late. Somebody tampered with my brakes." "You should have been early, then."

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crank49

3373 posts in 1603 days


#150 posted 723 days ago

Well, gee, DKV, that edit of the title seems to have killed the thread.

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

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