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Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

by DKV
posted 08-24-2012 06:55 PM


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230 replies

230 replies so far

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#101 posted 08-31-2012 11:21 PM

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn’t it be leaving a dump?

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#102 posted 08-31-2012 11:24 PM

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why’s it still #2?

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#103 posted 08-31-2012 11:27 PM

What do chickens think we taste like?

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#104 posted 08-31-2012 11:31 PM

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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oldnovice

3865 posts in 2113 days


#105 posted 08-31-2012 11:53 PM

Based on the diversity of this country, the beliefs of people don’t bother me. After all, I am not from this country and I have beliefs with which you may or may not agree!

My concern is not the beliefs of people but the stupidity of some … go ask a counter person at McDonald’s for a half dozen nuggets and they reply “we don’t have that”! Then tell them you will settle for a six piece and they have no problem …. that is stupidity! Similar to the pictures you posted above!

My point is that beliefs and stupidity are NOT the same!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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derosa

1557 posts in 1581 days


#106 posted 09-01-2012 12:15 AM

Politics often seems like an appropriate name when you break down the word. Poli meaning many and tics meaning small bloodsuckers that crawl under your skin.

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#107 posted 09-01-2012 12:18 AM

You have to admit a lot of beliefs ARE stupid.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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americanwoodworker

184 posts in 1119 days


#108 posted 09-01-2012 12:45 AM

I feel for ya brother, but I cant reach ya

It’s been real and its been nice, But it ain’t been real nice

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey

Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.

That boy smells like he ate the B-hole out of a skunk

All opinions are my wife’s; I have none. (In my opinion.)

My favorite one so far… Boy, I will hit you so fast, so hard, from so many directions that when I stop, you’d say “y’all stop that now”.

*Disclaimer If anyone was offended or injured emotionally after being forced to read the above I sincerely apologize. Any opinions expressed are my own, and generally unpopular with others. Everything stated in this message is to be considered my own opinion, and not an official representation of Lumberjocks or any other lumberjock employees. Actual mileage may vary. Price does not include tax, title, and license. Some assembly required. Each sold separately. Batteries not included. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Keep out of reach of children. Avoid prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. Keep in a cool dark place.

If you are injured after reading this or if conditions persist, contact a Mental health provider (a.k.a. psychiatrist).

-- Your freedom to be you, includes my freedom to be free from you.

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Dwain

323 posts in 2604 days


#109 posted 09-01-2012 12:48 AM

DeRosa – Love your first quote. I will use it with your permission…heck, I’ll just use it, sorry.

DKV – Really fun thread, I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks!

-- When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there is no end to what you CAN'T do

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#110 posted 09-01-2012 01:01 AM

Now this is a GREAT idea.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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oldnovice

3865 posts in 2113 days


#111 posted 09-01-2012 01:07 AM

DONE!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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fussy

980 posts in 1796 days


#112 posted 09-01-2012 01:08 AM

If I could remove your brain, I could put it in the eyeball of a gnat and it would rattle like a bb in a boxcar.

If I could buy you for what you’re worth, and sell you for what you THINK you’re worth, I could NEVER spend all the money I’d make.

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

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fussy

980 posts in 1796 days


#113 posted 09-01-2012 08:16 AM

DKV,

I think most reasonable men (of which there seem to be very few in the tea party) would agree. Unless some would like to compare them to the Red Guard or the Wafen Schutzstaffel: two groups that brooked no compromise, no common sense and no straying from the party line. Seig Heil !!

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

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americanwoodworker

184 posts in 1119 days


#114 posted 09-01-2012 01:50 PM

Well, not everyone’s GPA can be as high as those gas prices

-- Your freedom to be you, includes my freedom to be free from you.

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muleskinner

740 posts in 1182 days


#115 posted 09-01-2012 02:44 PM

Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.

(a little bon mot that always brings my in-laws to mind)

-- Visualize whirled peas

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#116 posted 09-01-2012 05:52 PM

I think my hearing is starting to go south. This morning my wife sent me to the store for milk and bagels. I came home with milk, bagels and chocolate muffins. I KNOW she said chocolate muffins.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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crank49

3507 posts in 1716 days


#117 posted 09-01-2012 07:43 PM

You’re talking so much $h!t I don’t know whether to offer you toilet paper or breath mints.

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#118 posted 09-01-2012 08:09 PM

Crank49, if $h!t is supposed to substitute for shit then just say shit. Also, I assume you’re talking to me but in the future make sure you direct your profanity in such a manner that I will have no doubt. I don’t know you crank but one of my camels is familiar with you. She said you were sneaking around the pens last night.

Now, what is it exactly that so upsets you. This is a pretty benign thread and I can’t imagine what it is I wrote that would soooooo get your panties in a wad. If you come at me in an adult fashion I can then respond to you likewise. Toilet paper and shit just dont get a conversation headed in the right direction. I am so happy I was able to give you some tips on “niceness”.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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bandit571

7475 posts in 1428 days


#119 posted 09-01-2012 08:12 PM

Sign above urinals: “Do NOT eat the Mints”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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fussy

980 posts in 1796 days


#120 posted 09-01-2012 08:48 PM

Sign above the urinal, “Please do not throw cigarettes into the urinal as they become soggy and hard to light.” ” ” ” ” “Support mental health or I’ll kill you!”

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

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JAGWAH

929 posts in 1829 days


#121 posted 09-01-2012 09:11 PM

DKV I may be wrong but I thought Crank was just offering up a phrase like everyone else. I’ve heard that saying before as well as used it. JMHO

-- ~Just A Guy With A Hammer~

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#122 posted 09-01-2012 09:19 PM

Jagwah, me and my camels sure are embarrassed. Do you think I owe Crank an apology? Crank, if you were just adding to the collection I apologize. Wow, I sure blew that one. Thanks for the heads up.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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JAGWAH

929 posts in 1829 days


#123 posted 09-01-2012 09:31 PM

DKV, Just helping a bro out. He may have meant it but an appoligy never hurts.

-- ~Just A Guy With A Hammer~

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JAGWAH

929 posts in 1829 days


#124 posted 09-01-2012 09:33 PM

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

-- ~Just A Guy With A Hammer~

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#125 posted 09-01-2012 11:45 PM

We should pray to the angels, for they are given to us as guardians. 

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#126 posted 09-01-2012 11:47 PM

I really like this. It is what I am all about.

Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away. 

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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crank49

3507 posts in 1716 days


#127 posted 09-02-2012 01:21 AM

DKV,
No, I was not talking to you. If I was i would have used your name.
Have you said something you thought would provoke such a response from me?
Sorry I missed it.
I actually heard that in a resturant last night and thought it was a “cutsie saying and quick comeback”

Your camels must be mistaken.
Do you converse with them often?

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#128 posted 09-02-2012 02:09 AM

Crank, you’re funny. First, I compared the Tea Party to the new American Taliban. I thought you might have been upset over that. Second, yes I do talk to my camels frequently and yes they talk back. Third, it was dark and she probably didn’t have a good view of whoever was hanging around the pens whispering sweet nothings to her and my other camels.
Don

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#129 posted 09-02-2012 04:39 AM

Here’s a good one. Can anyone explain it? I think it could be a discussion all it’s own.

“It turns people into hateful lemmings, and it’s not very compassionate.”

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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Jason™

85 posts in 872 days


#130 posted 09-02-2012 06:50 AM

Fits like a Finger in an ASS!!

Although your response DKV doesn’t!! Though it would get alot of attention due to so many different beliefs on a subject I would consider to meaning types of religion?
Not interesting at all I must say I like the sayings myself

Never heard so many different sayings til I watched the show on Tru TV called “Lizard Lick Towing”

-- Im all night long!! all night .. all night .. ALL NIGHT LONG

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#131 posted 09-02-2012 05:07 PM

The matter-antimatter matrix in your pooper is higgedly-piggedly.

Jason, how could I possibly be talking about religion when I write the words “hateful lemmings” and “not very compassionate”? Not that we are suppposed to be talking about it but religion is all about loving, caring people that have empathy for their fellow man and go out of their way to preach and promote peace throughout the world.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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Jason™

85 posts in 872 days


#132 posted 09-02-2012 06:57 PM

Sir yes sir…. ok

-- Im all night long!! all night .. all night .. ALL NIGHT LONG

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derosa

1557 posts in 1581 days


#133 posted 09-02-2012 07:18 PM

DKV- that is a really nice idealistic view of religion, too bad some of the people on the ground haven’t figured that out. I can easily see how that quote could be applied. Now off the bandwagon.

old one from high school to get back on topic; lets get off the subject of moms cause I just got off yours.
There are three types of people in this world; liars, damn liars and statisticians. Gotten from a Statistician who worked in DC

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

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shelly_b

848 posts in 863 days


#134 posted 09-02-2012 07:23 PM

“worthless as tits on a boar hog”

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shelly_b

848 posts in 863 days


#135 posted 09-02-2012 08:09 PM

on using if’s:
“if grandma had balls she’s be grandpa”
on a big truck:
“low rider’s are for guys that can’t get it up”
on one of my boyfriend’s truck-
“my other vehicle is a shitbox too” lol
“gone faster than a fart in a wind storm”
not a line but a fun way to confuse people-when going paying in a store or fastfood resturaunt, give them change thats not exact and see how many times they count it and how long they sit there and stare at it wondering why you gave them $5.12 when your total was $4.87…than I have to say “excuse me, I was suposed to get a quarter back and you gave me 15cents.. you would not beleive how many times I get the wrong change back. That is one of the tougher ones though lol. but it still happens with the simple ones too. last time this happened and I said I was supposed to get a quarter back the girl said “Ohhh, i wondered why you gave me that change! I see now! You are so smart!” lol (I don’t like having a bunch of change so I try to get the least back that I can).

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#136 posted 09-02-2012 08:30 PM

Shelly, that last one was totally evil considering the mathematicians our schools are turning out.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#137 posted 09-02-2012 08:33 PM

Easy peasy lemon squeezy

Now we’re talking chinese…

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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woodshaver

2878 posts in 2098 days


#138 posted 09-02-2012 08:39 PM

Tell a smart ass…...You’re a very Fart Smeller!

-- Tony C St Augustine FL, My high school shop teacher said "You can do it"... Now I can't stop!

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oldnovice

3865 posts in 2113 days


#139 posted 09-02-2012 08:41 PM

This is a true story!

My son works for a large electronics retailer and this happened recently when a man came to pay off his account with $2.00 bills. The store called the police, the police arrested him and took him away. When his lawyer arrived he laughed and told them that this is legal tender and this was a false arrest.

This is a real chain of ignorance!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#140 posted 09-02-2012 08:48 PM

TO ALL PARTICIPANTS OF THIS THREAD I HAVE MODIFIED THE TITLE TO INCLUDE “STUPID QUOTES” We should get some real mileage out of this change. I will start with a quote from my all time favorite person “Dan the Man” Quayle.

“My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right.”

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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woodshaver

2878 posts in 2098 days


#141 posted 09-02-2012 08:51 PM

Yah! Dan the man! “Your no Jack Kennedy”!

-- Tony C St Augustine FL, My high school shop teacher said "You can do it"... Now I can't stop!

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#142 posted 09-02-2012 09:07 PM

“You know the one thing that’s wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say.” – Bill Clinton

“Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.” – Bill Clinton

“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.” – Dan Quayle

“I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.” – David Dinkins, New York City Mayor

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#143 posted 09-03-2012 12:44 AM

Sneaking and peaking, snooping and pooping…

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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DKV

3194 posts in 1249 days


#144 posted 09-03-2012 04:22 PM

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

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bandit571

7475 posts in 1428 days


#145 posted 09-03-2012 04:40 PM

“Don’t go away mad. Girl, just, go away” power ballad from the Crue….

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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bandit571

7475 posts in 1428 days


#146 posted 09-03-2012 04:41 PM

What is usually said just before a 911 call..

“Hey, watch this! Here, hold my beer…...”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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bandit571

7475 posts in 1428 days


#147 posted 09-03-2012 04:43 PM

A song from a movie….

“Just watch old bandit run….”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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bandit571

7475 posts in 1428 days


#148 posted 09-03-2012 04:43 PM

Now, who sang that tune, and in which movie…..

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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JJohnston

1593 posts in 2036 days


#149 posted 09-03-2012 04:44 PM

Jerry Reed – “Smokey and the Bandit” – name of the tune is “Eastbound and Down”.

-- "Sometimes even now, when I'm feeling lonely and beat, I drift back in time, and I find my feet...Down on Main Street." - Bob Seger

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crank49

3507 posts in 1716 days


#150 posted 09-04-2012 03:44 AM

Well, gee, DKV, that edit of the title seems to have killed the thread.

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

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