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Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

by DKV
posted 684 days ago


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230 replies

230 replies so far

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#51 posted 681 days ago

Derosa, if you showed them what is under your kiltie they would never ask again…on the other hand…

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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oldnovice

3517 posts in 1951 days


#52 posted 681 days ago

About the drought …. drier than talcum powder on a soda cracker

Or

”I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in!!

Or

”Beaten like a rented mule”

Or

”If brains were gasoline, he would’t have enough to prime a piss ants motor scooter.”

Or

”hoist with one’s own petard”

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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nailbanger2

950 posts in 1727 days


#53 posted 681 days ago

“I can see” said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Some people have more dollars than sense.

You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning!

-- Wish I were Norm's Nephew

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willie

456 posts in 1037 days


#54 posted 681 days ago

If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose!

-- Every day above ground is a good day!!!

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#55 posted 681 days ago

“I think that ‘Clueless’ was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.” Alicia Silverstone

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#56 posted 681 days ago

“I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous. I could have any man in the world.” Anna Kournikova

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#57 posted 681 days ago

“I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else.” Britney Spears

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#58 posted 681 days ago

“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” Britney Spears

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#59 posted 681 days ago

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.Dolly Parton

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#60 posted 681 days ago

I may not have been the greatest president, but I’ve had the most fun eight years.- Bill Clinton

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#61 posted 681 days ago

I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.- George H.W. Bush

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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bandit571

6514 posts in 1266 days


#62 posted 680 days ago

“Used a whole truck load of ugly sticks on that one”

“Good thing breathing is a non-thinking routine, or else they would be in trouble”

Just because you have the Right to remain stupid, you do not have the right to abuse it.

If I wanted to listen to someone bitch all day, I’d have stayed home…

“You want it.. WHEN???” Question was asked when designing a new car. Name of car came from the answer…...DAT SOON?

“You are so ugly, you could be a Modern Art Masterpiece!” R. Lee Ermy, from Full Metal Jacket

“Seems to me, the best part of you ran down the crack of your Momma’s rear end, and wound up as a brown stain on the bed. I think you’ve been cheated” R. Lee Ermy, Full Metal Jacket

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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derosa

1532 posts in 1419 days


#63 posted 680 days ago

Looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

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WoodenFrog

2737 posts in 1496 days


#64 posted 680 days ago

1st guy: Man she has a lot of Freckles on her face!
2nd guy: Yeah it looks like someone threw Sh?t through a screen at her!

-- Robert B. Sabina, Ohio..... http://www.etsy.com/shop/WoodenfrogWoodenProd

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willie

456 posts in 1037 days


#65 posted 680 days ago

Beat severely about the head and shoulders with an ugly stick.

-- Every day above ground is a good day!!!

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crank49

3323 posts in 1554 days


#66 posted 680 days ago

Old school carpenter to a young architect, “Drawing, I don’t need no damn drawing. Just tell me where you want the front door and where you want the back door, and I’ll built you a damn house.”

true story.

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#67 posted 680 days ago

I like it. Kinda like the faucet commercial.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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hooky

361 posts in 1902 days


#68 posted 679 days ago

look if i want your opinion i will give it to you

-- Happiness is a way of travel , not a destination (Roy Goodman)

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oldnovice

3517 posts in 1951 days


#69 posted 679 days ago

In that same vein!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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Bertha

12951 posts in 1276 days


#70 posted 679 days ago

saw that you were doing some good woodworking. I was surprised.-COL
.
I remember that comment. I belted out a laugh at work.

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

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DrDirt

2334 posts in 2325 days


#71 posted 678 days ago

Any luck getting your surgery scheduled?...............to remove the (stick/bug/corn-cob) from your arse!

Good for extraordinarily rude folks, who take their bad day out on customers.

-- "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves." Edison

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DrDirt

2334 posts in 2325 days


#72 posted 678 days ago

DKV those are awesom – - the “She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her” made me LOL

On Kansas -

Kansas is so Flat if you look real hard you can see the back of your own head on the horizon.

-- "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves." Edison

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404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1552 days


#73 posted 678 days ago

et tu Brute?

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derosa

1532 posts in 1419 days


#74 posted 678 days ago

I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.
There are two ways of doing this, my way or the wrong way.
And then there is my actual license plate. UMM OOPS.

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

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fussy

980 posts in 1634 days


#75 posted 678 days ago

That went over like a screen door in a submarine; or like a pregnant pole vaulter.

In London a few weeks ago, a reporter approached a competitor and asked, “Are you a pole vaulter?” The man replied, “NO, I’m from Sveden, but how’d you know my name vas Valter?”

I’m going to bed now.

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#76 posted 678 days ago

“Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth.”

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#77 posted 678 days ago

My wife says this to me.

Remember: It’s ok to glance just don’t stare. “

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#78 posted 678 days ago

This is a special dedication to my dear friend JimC and all the LJs that can’t seem to see it my way even after I present irrefutable facts.

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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oldnovice

3517 posts in 1951 days


#79 posted 678 days ago

”It is better to be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt.”

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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bunkie

411 posts in 1730 days


#80 posted 678 days ago

From across the pond:

“She would be out of her depth in a car park puddle”

-- Altruism is, ultimately, self-serving

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#81 posted 678 days ago

oldnovice, don’t you find it curious and interesting that some of the postings in this thread are the personal anthem of the poster? Almost like one of those freudian slip things that everyone talks about, whatever that is. BTW, you have a misspelling in your signature…it should read bored. I don’t want to upset you but I thought I should point it out before a “nonfriend” did. Just trying to protect you pal….you can thank me later in a PM.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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oldnovice

3517 posts in 1951 days


#82 posted 678 days ago

I thought this forum was for comebacks and you just don’t like mine for some reason. Maybe you don’t like Confucius? There is obviously something amiss!

If you think I am boring, you could always block me.

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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Earlextech

887 posts in 1274 days


#83 posted 678 days ago

I wouldn’t sell my children for a million dollars and I wouldn’t pay 50 cents for another pair just like them.

-- Sam Hamory - The project is never finished until its "finished"!

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#84 posted 678 days ago

Oldnovice, I never block. I respect everyone’s right to post to any and all threads even if their opinion does not jive with the truths I write about. Even the less witted occassionally have something to say. Blocking is for those that cannot find the truth and refuse to listen when it is presented to them. Holding your hands over your ears and shouting does not make the truth go away. I will not go away no matter how hard you wish it and I will always be there to present the truth to whomever asks. LOL, I will even present the truth to those that don’t ask. I am concerned for the mental health of everyone. You are all my brothers.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#85 posted 678 days ago

47phord, I’m sure Fresno and Gary have a lot in common. You being from Gary you should have a few cutsie sayings and combacks. Give us some. Thanks,

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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oldnovice

3517 posts in 1951 days


#86 posted 677 days ago

DKV,

OK. then why the crude remark about my signature?

I have never treated you in that manner as it does not show respect of another opinion!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#87 posted 677 days ago

Oldnovice, as I said in my first sentence I respect the right of everyone to post and have an opinion. I do not have to respect their opinion…and I don’t normally unless it’s in line with mine. Most of what I say is the truth, so I don’t respect many opinions that are 180 out from mine. Again, I never block and the reason is I like reading what others think. On many occasions I have been absolutely flabbergasted at some of the beliefs common Americans hold. Sometimes I think I am reading something from the dark ages.

Secondly, if you think my play on words (board vs bored) is crude then I can’t imagine what you think of some of the profanity that went on before politics and religion were banned. In my mind my play on your words was not profane or crude. As I said above most of the time I am right.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#88 posted 677 days ago

I’m not your type, I’m not inflatable.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#89 posted 677 days ago

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#90 posted 677 days ago

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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bandit571

6514 posts in 1266 days


#91 posted 677 days ago

Scariest sight on the road? Blond behind the wheel

....points on her own, and way up high….. ( Bob Seager, “Against the wind”)

“We’re standing here on this ball of hate, there is no parole, no Great Escape, We’re stranded here until the End of days, and then my Brother, there’s a price to pay….”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

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oldnovice

3517 posts in 1951 days


#92 posted 677 days ago

It bothers me that you use terms like ”common Americans” are you royalty? The term common is unusual in that context except when it comes from royalty.

I know there are some people that may have some “dark age” mentality but I do not believe that is by any means a norm or that of the ”common Americans”, if there really is such an aggregate.

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

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xwingace

204 posts in 1172 days


#93 posted 677 days ago

Derosa, nothing’s worn under a kilt, it’s all in perfect working order.

“Sweeter than a sister’s kiss!”
“Let’s taper this turd.”

-- I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#94 posted 677 days ago

Oldnovice, I am a common American. Maybe a better choice of words would have been average or ordinary, in other words those lacking distinction, title, fame, rank or status. The average man in the street. I think most of us are that. Don’t you?

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#95 posted 677 days ago

This is from my all time favorite guy…

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”― Al Gore

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#96 posted 677 days ago

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the Lowest crime rates in the country” ― Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#97 posted 677 days ago

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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jumbojack

1146 posts in 1207 days


#98 posted 677 days ago

Is a sixteen pound robin fat?

-- Made in America, with American made tools....Shopsmith

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jumbojack

1146 posts in 1207 days


#99 posted 677 days ago

Does 50#s of flour make a big biscuit?

-- Made in America, with American made tools....Shopsmith

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DKV

3056 posts in 1087 days


#100 posted 677 days ago

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

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