LumberJocks

All Replies on Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

  • Advertise with us
View DKV's profile

Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

by DKV
posted 08-24-2012 06:55 PM


« prev 1 2 3 4 5 next »
230 replies

230 replies so far

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#51 posted 08-28-2012 02:52 AM

Derosa, if you showed them what is under your kiltie they would never ask again…on the other hand…

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View oldnovice's profile

oldnovice

3788 posts in 2053 days


#52 posted 08-28-2012 02:54 AM

About the drought …. drier than talcum powder on a soda cracker

Or

”I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in!!

Or

”Beaten like a rented mule”

Or

”If brains were gasoline, he would’t have enough to prime a piss ants motor scooter.”

Or

”hoist with one’s own petard”

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

View nailbanger2's profile

nailbanger2

962 posts in 1829 days


#53 posted 08-28-2012 03:04 AM

“I can see” said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Some people have more dollars than sense.

You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning!

-- Wish I were Norm's Nephew

View willie's profile

willie

465 posts in 1140 days


#54 posted 08-28-2012 03:05 AM

If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose!

-- Every day above ground is a good day!!!

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#55 posted 08-28-2012 03:06 AM

“I think that ‘Clueless’ was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.” Alicia Silverstone

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#56 posted 08-28-2012 03:07 AM

“I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous. I could have any man in the world.” Anna Kournikova

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#57 posted 08-28-2012 03:08 AM

“I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else.” Britney Spears

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#58 posted 08-28-2012 03:10 AM

“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” Britney Spears

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#59 posted 08-28-2012 03:14 AM

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.Dolly Parton

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#60 posted 08-28-2012 03:16 AM

I may not have been the greatest president, but I’ve had the most fun eight years.- Bill Clinton

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#61 posted 08-28-2012 03:17 AM

I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.- George H.W. Bush

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

7125 posts in 1369 days


#62 posted 08-29-2012 01:14 AM

“Used a whole truck load of ugly sticks on that one”

“Good thing breathing is a non-thinking routine, or else they would be in trouble”

Just because you have the Right to remain stupid, you do not have the right to abuse it.

If I wanted to listen to someone bitch all day, I’d have stayed home…

“You want it.. WHEN???” Question was asked when designing a new car. Name of car came from the answer…...DAT SOON?

“You are so ugly, you could be a Modern Art Masterpiece!” R. Lee Ermy, from Full Metal Jacket

“Seems to me, the best part of you ran down the crack of your Momma’s rear end, and wound up as a brown stain on the bed. I think you’ve been cheated” R. Lee Ermy, Full Metal Jacket

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View derosa's profile

derosa

1556 posts in 1521 days


#63 posted 08-29-2012 01:58 AM

Looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

View WoodenFrog's profile

WoodenFrog

2737 posts in 1599 days


#64 posted 08-29-2012 02:16 AM

1st guy: Man she has a lot of Freckles on her face!
2nd guy: Yeah it looks like someone threw Sh?t through a screen at her!

-- Robert B. Sabina, Ohio..... http://www.etsy.com/shop/WoodenfrogWoodenProd

View willie's profile

willie

465 posts in 1140 days


#65 posted 08-29-2012 04:39 PM

Beat severely about the head and shoulders with an ugly stick.

-- Every day above ground is a good day!!!

View crank49's profile

crank49

3456 posts in 1656 days


#66 posted 08-29-2012 05:06 PM

Old school carpenter to a young architect, “Drawing, I don’t need no damn drawing. Just tell me where you want the front door and where you want the back door, and I’ll built you a damn house.”

true story.

-- Michael :-{| “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” ― A H

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#67 posted 08-29-2012 05:32 PM

I like it. Kinda like the faucet commercial.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View hooky's profile

hooky

361 posts in 2004 days


#68 posted 08-30-2012 10:44 AM

look if i want your opinion i will give it to you

-- Happiness is a way of travel , not a destination (Roy Goodman)

View oldnovice's profile

oldnovice

3788 posts in 2053 days


#69 posted 08-30-2012 05:37 PM

In that same vein!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

View Bertha's profile

Bertha

12951 posts in 1378 days


#70 posted 08-30-2012 06:10 PM

saw that you were doing some good woodworking. I was surprised.-COL
.
I remember that comment. I belted out a laugh at work.

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View DrDirt's profile

DrDirt

2490 posts in 2428 days


#71 posted 08-30-2012 08:24 PM

Any luck getting your surgery scheduled?...............to remove the (stick/bug/corn-cob) from your arse!

Good for extraordinarily rude folks, who take their bad day out on customers.

-- "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves." Edison

View DrDirt's profile

DrDirt

2490 posts in 2428 days


#72 posted 08-30-2012 09:18 PM

DKV those are awesom – - the “She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her” made me LOL

On Kansas -

Kansas is so Flat if you look real hard you can see the back of your own head on the horizon.

-- "If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves." Edison

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1655 days


#73 posted 08-30-2012 10:56 PM

et tu Brute?

View derosa's profile

derosa

1556 posts in 1521 days


#74 posted 08-31-2012 12:59 AM

I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.
There are two ways of doing this, my way or the wrong way.
And then there is my actual license plate. UMM OOPS.

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

View fussy's profile

fussy

980 posts in 1736 days


#75 posted 08-31-2012 03:08 AM

That went over like a screen door in a submarine; or like a pregnant pole vaulter.

In London a few weeks ago, a reporter approached a competitor and asked, “Are you a pole vaulter?” The man replied, “NO, I’m from Sveden, but how’d you know my name vas Valter?”

I’m going to bed now.

Steve

-- Steve in KY. 44 years so far with my lovely bride. Think I'll keep her.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#76 posted 08-31-2012 04:47 AM

“Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth.”

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#77 posted 08-31-2012 04:50 AM

My wife says this to me.

Remember: It’s ok to glance just don’t stare. “

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#78 posted 08-31-2012 04:56 AM

This is a special dedication to my dear friend JimC and all the LJs that can’t seem to see it my way even after I present irrefutable facts.

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View oldnovice's profile

oldnovice

3788 posts in 2053 days


#79 posted 08-31-2012 07:07 AM

”It is better to be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt.”

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

View bunkie's profile

bunkie

411 posts in 1832 days


#80 posted 08-31-2012 02:09 PM

From across the pond:

“She would be out of her depth in a car park puddle”

-- Altruism is, ultimately, self-serving

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#81 posted 08-31-2012 03:47 PM

oldnovice, don’t you find it curious and interesting that some of the postings in this thread are the personal anthem of the poster? Almost like one of those freudian slip things that everyone talks about, whatever that is. BTW, you have a misspelling in your signature…it should read bored. I don’t want to upset you but I thought I should point it out before a “nonfriend” did. Just trying to protect you pal….you can thank me later in a PM.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View oldnovice's profile

oldnovice

3788 posts in 2053 days


#82 posted 08-31-2012 04:15 PM

I thought this forum was for comebacks and you just don’t like mine for some reason. Maybe you don’t like Confucius? There is obviously something amiss!

If you think I am boring, you could always block me.

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

View Earlextech's profile

Earlextech

994 posts in 1376 days


#83 posted 08-31-2012 04:20 PM

I wouldn’t sell my children for a million dollars and I wouldn’t pay 50 cents for another pair just like them.

-- Sam Hamory - The project is never finished until its "finished"!

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#84 posted 08-31-2012 04:55 PM

Oldnovice, I never block. I respect everyone’s right to post to any and all threads even if their opinion does not jive with the truths I write about. Even the less witted occassionally have something to say. Blocking is for those that cannot find the truth and refuse to listen when it is presented to them. Holding your hands over your ears and shouting does not make the truth go away. I will not go away no matter how hard you wish it and I will always be there to present the truth to whomever asks. LOL, I will even present the truth to those that don’t ask. I am concerned for the mental health of everyone. You are all my brothers.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#85 posted 08-31-2012 05:01 PM

47phord, I’m sure Fresno and Gary have a lot in common. You being from Gary you should have a few cutsie sayings and combacks. Give us some. Thanks,

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View oldnovice's profile

oldnovice

3788 posts in 2053 days


#86 posted 08-31-2012 07:47 PM

DKV,

OK. then why the crude remark about my signature?

I have never treated you in that manner as it does not show respect of another opinion!

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#87 posted 08-31-2012 08:19 PM

Oldnovice, as I said in my first sentence I respect the right of everyone to post and have an opinion. I do not have to respect their opinion…and I don’t normally unless it’s in line with mine. Most of what I say is the truth, so I don’t respect many opinions that are 180 out from mine. Again, I never block and the reason is I like reading what others think. On many occasions I have been absolutely flabbergasted at some of the beliefs common Americans hold. Sometimes I think I am reading something from the dark ages.

Secondly, if you think my play on words (board vs bored) is crude then I can’t imagine what you think of some of the profanity that went on before politics and religion were banned. In my mind my play on your words was not profane or crude. As I said above most of the time I am right.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#88 posted 08-31-2012 08:31 PM

I’m not your type, I’m not inflatable.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#89 posted 08-31-2012 08:34 PM

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#90 posted 08-31-2012 08:35 PM

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

7125 posts in 1369 days


#91 posted 08-31-2012 08:57 PM

Scariest sight on the road? Blond behind the wheel

....points on her own, and way up high….. ( Bob Seager, “Against the wind”)

“We’re standing here on this ball of hate, there is no parole, no Great Escape, We’re stranded here until the End of days, and then my Brother, there’s a price to pay….”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View oldnovice's profile

oldnovice

3788 posts in 2053 days


#92 posted 08-31-2012 10:25 PM

It bothers me that you use terms like ”common Americans” are you royalty? The term common is unusual in that context except when it comes from royalty.

I know there are some people that may have some “dark age” mentality but I do not believe that is by any means a norm or that of the ”common Americans”, if there really is such an aggregate.

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

View xwingace's profile

xwingace

204 posts in 1274 days


#93 posted 08-31-2012 10:41 PM

Derosa, nothing’s worn under a kilt, it’s all in perfect working order.

“Sweeter than a sister’s kiss!”
“Let’s taper this turd.”

-- I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#94 posted 08-31-2012 10:46 PM

Oldnovice, I am a common American. Maybe a better choice of words would have been average or ordinary, in other words those lacking distinction, title, fame, rank or status. The average man in the street. I think most of us are that. Don’t you?

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#95 posted 08-31-2012 10:51 PM

This is from my all time favorite guy…

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”― Al Gore

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#96 posted 08-31-2012 10:53 PM

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the Lowest crime rates in the country” ― Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#97 posted 08-31-2012 10:56 PM

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

View jumbojack's profile

jumbojack

1196 posts in 1309 days


#98 posted 08-31-2012 11:00 PM

Is a sixteen pound robin fat?

-- Made in America, with American made tools....Shopsmith

View jumbojack's profile

jumbojack

1196 posts in 1309 days


#99 posted 08-31-2012 11:08 PM

Does 50#s of flour make a big biscuit?

-- Made in America, with American made tools....Shopsmith

View DKV's profile

DKV

3183 posts in 1189 days


#100 posted 08-31-2012 11:20 PM

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

-- Have fun and laugh alot. Life can end at any moment. You old guys out there know what I mean...

Have your say...

You must be signed in to reply.

« prev 1 2 3 4 5 next »
230 replies


DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase