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View DKV's profile

Cutsie Sayings, Stupid Quotes and Quick Comebacks...

by DKV
posted 607 days ago


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230 replies

230 replies so far

View Bertha's profile

Bertha

12942 posts in 1198 days


#1 posted 607 days ago

I didn’t think you’d actually start this thread, lol.
“pull up your big girl panties and be a man”.

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View chrisstef's profile (online now)

chrisstef

9401 posts in 1512 days


#2 posted 607 days ago

Ohh boy, making a living in construction ive got tons of em …

“how’d that go over”
“like a fart in a spacesuit”

-- "there aren’t many hand tools as awe-inspiring as the #8 jointer. I mean, it just reeks of cast iron heft and hubris" - Smitty

View Bertha's profile

Bertha

12942 posts in 1198 days


#3 posted 607 days ago

^ and
“how’s that working out for you?”

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#4 posted 607 days ago

Bertha, it could also go this way: Take off the dress and be a man.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View Bertha's profile

Bertha

12942 posts in 1198 days


#5 posted 607 days ago

^very true. I live in WV, ffs. I should be able to come up with over 100 instantaneously. I guess it’s Friday, after all. My brain’s not exactly working.

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View chrisstef's profile (online now)

chrisstef

9401 posts in 1512 days


#6 posted 607 days ago

Put on your sandpaper mitten and get a grip will ya.

-- "there aren’t many hand tools as awe-inspiring as the #8 jointer. I mean, it just reeks of cast iron heft and hubris" - Smitty

View AKSteve's profile

AKSteve

433 posts in 809 days


#7 posted 607 days ago

$h*t Fire and Save the Matches !

-- Steve - Wasilla, Alaska

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

5426 posts in 1189 days


#8 posted 607 days ago

Going to go shake hands with the President ( of the company)

Said on the way to the PortaJohn on the job site.

“Looks good from my house”, or, “Can’t see that from my house”

or, after a big snafu resulting in a FUBAR….

“You’ll have that, on the bigger jobs..”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View Tennessee's profile

Tennessee

1447 posts in 1020 days


#9 posted 607 days ago

Never notice at 40,000 feet!
Save water, shower with a friend!
Don’t worry about it, drywall will cover anything!

-- Paul, Tennessee, http://www.tsunamiguitars.com

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

5426 posts in 1189 days


#10 posted 607 days ago

For Bertha…”Save a Horse…ride a Cowboy”

For the tree huggers: “Save a tree! Eat a Beaver!”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View barecycles's profile (online now)

barecycles

250 posts in 834 days


#11 posted 607 days ago

I remember helping dad replace brakes on his car and after tightening the lug nuts he asked if they were tight enough. I asked how tight? He said, “Tighter than a bear’s butt in a swarm of bees.”

-- Sweeping up sawdust in Texas

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#12 posted 607 days ago

I’m as busy as a one-legged cat in a sandbox.

Barecycles, you sayin’ that’s one tight-ass bear?

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#13 posted 607 days ago

Here’s a good one…

The beatings will continue until morale improves. OR
We will continue banning topics until you all act like adults (whatever that is).

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View chrisstef's profile (online now)

chrisstef

9401 posts in 1512 days


#14 posted 607 days ago

Busier than a one armed paper hanger.

-- "there aren’t many hand tools as awe-inspiring as the #8 jointer. I mean, it just reeks of cast iron heft and hubris" - Smitty

View devann's profile

devann

1735 posts in 1198 days


#15 posted 606 days ago

Heard often on the jobsite;

the painter will fix it.

When something is out of plumb or askew;

Ray Charles could see that!

Or;

dumber than a box of rocks,

couldn’t pure p!$$ out of a boot with the instructions on the heel,

that’s finer than frog hair,

you can’t make a Cadillac out of VW parts

-- Darrell, making more sawdust than I know what to do with

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#16 posted 606 days ago

Devann, maybe that is why VW is kicking ass…

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View lysdexic's profile

lysdexic

4749 posts in 1128 days


#17 posted 606 days ago

build a bridge and get over it

-- It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe. - Muhammad Ali

View Rick  Dennington's profile

Rick Dennington

3253 posts in 1700 days


#18 posted 606 days ago

“You can’t polish a turd”.....

-- " I started with nothing, and I've still got most of it left".......

View lysdexic's profile

lysdexic

4749 posts in 1128 days


#19 posted 606 days ago

excuses are like a$$holes, everyones got one and they all stink

-- It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe. - Muhammad Ali

View lysdexic's profile

lysdexic

4749 posts in 1128 days


#20 posted 606 days ago

sharp as a marble

-- It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe. - Muhammad Ali

View Rick  Dennington's profile

Rick Dennington

3253 posts in 1700 days


#21 posted 606 days ago

“That smells as bad as a sack full of assholes”.............

-- " I started with nothing, and I've still got most of it left".......

View lysdexic's profile

lysdexic

4749 posts in 1128 days


#22 posted 606 days ago

love is like oxygen
you get too much you get too high
not enough and your going to die

love gets you high

No?

-- It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe. - Muhammad Ali

View lysdexic's profile

lysdexic

4749 posts in 1128 days


#23 posted 606 days ago

I know you are but what am I? (P.W. Herman)

-- It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe. - Muhammad Ali

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#24 posted 606 days ago

Pick a window…you’re leaving.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#25 posted 606 days ago

Busy as a funeral home fan in July.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#26 posted 606 days ago

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#27 posted 606 days ago

So ugly his mama takes him everywhere she go so she don’t have to kiss him good bye.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View ChuckC's profile

ChuckC

674 posts in 1440 days


#28 posted 606 days ago

That’s good enough for government work …

The other day my chest hurt. My wife asked me if I was alright. I said ask me again in a minute, if I don’t answer call an ambulance…

The back of a biker t-shirt: If you can read this the bitch fell off..

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#29 posted 606 days ago

As confused as a cow on astroturf.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#30 posted 606 days ago

The baby was so ugly the doctor spanked the mama.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#31 posted 606 days ago

She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View redryder's profile

redryder

2071 posts in 1607 days


#32 posted 606 days ago

She was as nervous as a whore in church…...................

-- mike...............

View ChuckC's profile

ChuckC

674 posts in 1440 days


#33 posted 606 days ago

You are as popular as a pork chop at a Bar Mitzvah

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#34 posted 606 days ago

Kansas is so flat you can watch your dog run away for a week.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#35 posted 606 days ago

He couldn’t find water if he fell out of a boat.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View DKV's profile

DKV

3053 posts in 1009 days


#36 posted 606 days ago

Beauty fades, dumb is forever.

-- 2014 will be a different year...at least for me it will.

View murch's profile

murch

1120 posts in 1130 days


#37 posted 606 days ago

Guy 1 ” the water in the bottom of the toilet is freezing!”
Guy 2 ” yeah, that’s why I don’t use it anymore.”

-- A family man has photos in his wallet where his money used to be.

View SamuelP's profile

SamuelP

720 posts in 1152 days


#38 posted 606 days ago

Wish in one hand ans shit in the other and see which one fills up first.

If a frog had wings his ass wouldn’t smack the ground every time he hopped.

Busier than a one-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond.

Colder than a well diggers ass.

Colder than a witches tit.

Hotter than two rats fuckin in a tube sock.

Caulk and paint show what a carpenter ain’t.

-- -Sam - West Virginia - "A man who carries a cat by the tail learns somthing he can in no other way" -Mark Twain

View wdkits1's profile

wdkits1

209 posts in 1858 days


#39 posted 606 days ago

She’s so fat it’ll take her three trips to haul ass.
Hotter than a double dicked dingo

-- Mike --www.midlothianwoodworks.com

View bandit571's profile

bandit571

5426 posts in 1189 days


#40 posted 604 days ago

R. Lee Ermy: Full Metal jacket scene..

“Did your parents have any kids that lived?”

“Sir! Yes Sir!

“I bet they regret that”

-- A Planer? I'M the planer, this is what I use

View willie's profile

willie

449 posts in 960 days


#41 posted 604 days ago

One of my dad’s favorites, “Worthless as tits on a rooster!”

-- Every day above ground is a good day!!!

View JAGWAH's profile

JAGWAH

929 posts in 1589 days


#42 posted 604 days ago

When waving by with the back of your hand to someone say.”Don’t let the other four confuse you to my meaning!”

-- ~Just A Guy With A Hammer~

View 404 - Not Found's profile

404 - Not Found

2544 posts in 1474 days


#43 posted 604 days ago

One of my favourite posts ever on Lumberjocks

Craftsman on the Lake to Horizontal Mike:

Yes Mike, I did check those blogs and saw that you were doing some good woodworking. I was surprised. I expected to see you making license plates ;-)

View KyleT's profile

KyleT

15 posts in 623 days


#44 posted 604 days ago

Helping my bro-in-law design a house and suggested that he add some “architectural features” for curb appeal. He is a hopelessly single minded engineer (not that thats a bad thing). He said “that’d be like putting lipstick on a pig.”

View juniorjock's profile

juniorjock

1930 posts in 2271 days


#45 posted 604 days ago

They were banging like a screen door in a tornado.

View AKSteve's profile

AKSteve

433 posts in 809 days


#46 posted 604 days ago

“busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest”

“About as funny as a pay toilet in a Diarrhea Ward. “

“Good enough to slap your Grandma”

-- Steve - Wasilla, Alaska

View juniorjock's profile

juniorjock

1930 posts in 2271 days


#47 posted 604 days ago

She was so ugly, her moma had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dogs to play with her….....

View derosa's profile

derosa

1482 posts in 1341 days


#48 posted 603 days ago

When working in the computer labs
“I see we have an I D 10 T problem here (ID10T)” for the truly dense “the problem seems to lie somewhere between the seat and the keyboard”
This has translated to the bike shop where “the problem seems to lie between the saddle and the handlebars.”

As a kiltie I get some of the really stupid questions to respond to such as
What do you have under there? (yes people really ask this) “The pride of the family”
Is it true you don’t wear anything beneath a kilt? “Nope, see I’ve got socks and shoes on”

-- --Rev. Russ in NY-- A posse ad esse

View hamburglar's profile

hamburglar

42 posts in 605 days


#49 posted 603 days ago

F’ed up as a soup sandwich

F’ed up like a football bat

Blind man on a fast horse will never see that!

View willie's profile

willie

449 posts in 960 days


#50 posted 603 days ago

Looks like her momma fed her nails with a slingshot!

-- Every day above ground is a good day!!!

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230 replies


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