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Anyone Else Behind And Stressed for the Holidays?

by William
posted 11-14-2011 04:51 AM


19 replies so far

View patron's profile

patron

13103 posts in 2031 days


#1 posted 11-14-2011 04:57 AM

got me on this one too
back out again
server cut my speed
house not sealed under from the cold
zip money
generaly just tired

but it goes on

nobody said it would be easy

‘holidays’ didn’t mean much
in my family
just cold out

hope we both get over it soon
the alternative is worthless

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View ShaneA's profile

ShaneA

5351 posts in 1288 days


#2 posted 11-14-2011 05:01 AM

Yes, behind. Yes, stressed. It will come together, always does. Good luck, no need to go back to mental ward ; )

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile

TopamaxSurvivor

14874 posts in 2366 days


#3 posted 11-14-2011 05:26 AM

Kick back and relax, it isn’t that important. Too many health problems start with stress. With the volume of projects you have been posting I have to wonder what full productin is ;-))

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View William's profile

William

9149 posts in 1532 days


#4 posted 11-14-2011 06:35 AM

Thanks for the responses guys.
Topamax, one of the main reasons I posted this was to try and vent to someone. I understand exactly what you’re saying because I do think the stress is already effecting my health.
The number of projects I’ve posted recently has been because I’ve only been doing what I consider minor project. My back has been hurting too bad for me to stand long enough to do anything of any size. Still though, the plaques I’ve done, for example, should be two to three day projects for the amount of time I’ve put in daily. Instead, they’ve been taking around a week each. As for shop time, the reason I have been putting in a lot is because, with these plaques, I can do them sitting down. I may as well sit and do them since I can’t seem to sleep much. In the last week, the only night I slept more than two to three hours was the one night that jose quervo helped me sleep.
As for the elevated pain level I’ve been experiencing, that is another source of frustration. I don’t know if the stress is causing me to hurt more, or another theory is that the pain is causing me to stress, which in turn leads to more stress related pain (yes, believe it or not, stress does elevate pain in chronic pain patients), which makes me hurt more. Oh, it’s a vicious cycle.
Shane is right. I don’t think I need a mental ward. Maybe I just need jose to help me get another good night’s sleep.

-- http://wddsrfinewoodworks.blogspot.com/

View Sheila Landry (scrollgirl)'s profile

Sheila Landry (scrollgirl)

7755 posts in 1610 days


#5 posted 11-14-2011 12:28 PM

Hi, William:
I was sorry to read that you are going through this. I find that sometimes I get overwhelmed by everything that I want to do, but in the long run, I am the one setting the pace and I need to learn my own limitations.

Like it or not – you aren’t 21 anymore. You need to listen to your body and take care of yourself. Having your project finished in time won’t be worth it if your kids have to see you go out of the room to vent. They surely feel the stress that you are feeling too and I am sure that they would rather have a relaxed and fun dad who is happy than a super-productive dad who is miserable. Sometimes we forget that our own moods affect everyone who is in contact with us – especially our loved ones.

Perhaps it is time to lower the bar a bit. Make your comfort and health your first priority. Expect nothing more for the moment and then anything that you feel like doing will be a bonus.

Usually things like this go in cycles. This too shall pass. Take on more as you feel better and able. Slowing down a bit doesn’t have to be permanent. Just enough to let you get your bearings and then you will be better able to combat your pain (WITHOUT Jose!)

Sounds like I am lecturing and I apologize for that, but from the outside looking in I think you need to take a good, long breath.

I hope you feel better soon. :) Hang in there!

Sheila

-- Designer/Artist/Teacher. Owner of Sheila Landry Designs (http://www.sheilalandrydesigns.com) Scroll saw, wood working and painting patterns and surfaces. "Knowledge is Power"

View William's profile

William

9149 posts in 1532 days


#6 posted 11-14-2011 02:40 PM

Thank you Sheila.
Following this I will post another reponse with some good news (IMHO).
By the way, The Jose bit is something I always threaten to do. I quit drinking years ago. I will have one or two once in a blue moon on special occasions. Under unusual circumstances one night last week, I drank two margaritas. This will tell you how long it’s been since I drank. Those two had me pretty messed up.
Now if I have my say about it (and I do), it will be quite a long time before I take another drink. I got into enough trouble with that crap that I am old enough now to know that nothing good ever comes of it.
So, for any children or young adults reading this, hear some advice from someone who knows all too well from past history. Drinking is not the answer to anything. It can and will ruin your life. I have a police record to prove it.

-- http://wddsrfinewoodworks.blogspot.com/

View William's profile

William

9149 posts in 1532 days


#7 posted 11-14-2011 02:58 PM

In the wee hours of this morning, I sat here in the dark at the kitchen table. I was by myself. I sit in my wheelchair when I am hurting bad because the back of it just wraps around my back and supports me better than anything else I have found. I thought about that chair and the doctor’s advice as to what will eventually happen if I continue to push myself.
I thought about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday and what I have to be thankful for, my family and friends. They are all I have that truly means anything to me.
I thought about the holiday soon after that one, the celebration of Jesus’s birth. Then I thought about all the Lord has done for me. I won’t go into that one at the risk of offending some. All I will say is that for a man who was supposed to be dead long ago, and three times now was supposed to never walk again according to doctors, I have witnessed miracles.
I thought about all that I wish to do for my kids. Then I thought about the fact that one is gone from home. I seldom see him. I have two others leaving home soon. Another will be going off to college next year. That leaves exactly half my kids gone. How quickly they go.
I am being honest as I can be here, so I will tell you that I thought of all the things I can no longer do since my wreck in ‘99.
I thought of many other thing. I want to keep this short enough to read though. So we won’t go into everything.
Suffice to say, I thought long and hard. Towards the end, I had a good cry.
Yes I cry. Any man that tells you e doesn’t cry is either lying, doesn’t have a heart, or just hasn’t been down far enough yet.

I vented here last night because I had few options on where to turn. I somehow didn’t want to burden my family. I thank the people who commented. You could have told me to man up and shut up. Instead you reached out in kindness. Thank you.
I put the final coat of laquer on my latest project yesterday evening. I will snap some photos of that today to post this evening. That will be my final project though until I catch up with a few things and get to feeling better.
Lately I have been pushing through the pain and doing things no matter what, then paying for this by lying in bed at night suffering to the point of misery. I cannot tell you why I do this. Maybe its pride. Maybe its past demons I do deal with on a regular basis. I can’t say at this time. What I do know is that I must find a different pace if I am to continue doing anything at all.
So, let me get through Thanksgiving anyway. I do know I have one project to do the week of Thanksgiving. That one will be more fun than anything else though because its something I promised I’d help my Dad with that we can do together. Other than that, and the one I’ll post later this evening, happy holidays, and I’ll see you all on the other side.

-- http://wddsrfinewoodworks.blogspot.com/

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1805 days


#8 posted 11-14-2011 03:14 PM

I´m with the other slow down a little (alot) do something totely different for a while
and then you will see you are coming back to your self little by little
but do it now …. you don´t want to be out where I was once …. tooo stressed and it can take
years to come back

take care
Dennis

View Dave's profile

Dave

11184 posts in 1530 days


#9 posted 11-14-2011 03:39 PM

William I am not a Scrooge but like cr1, I only give to the children. My wife stresses over it and the older kids want this and that. That is not what it is about. It is about the birth of Christ first and foremost. We will make it through the hard times. I learned a long time ago. Dont fret over the things you can’t control and place the rest in his hands. He will provide.

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are." http://chiselandforge.com

View rivergirl's profile

rivergirl

3198 posts in 1528 days


#10 posted 11-14-2011 03:40 PM

Try being female. :) Buy the food, cook the food, clean up the food, buy the gifts, BUILD the gifts, wrap the gifts, buy the food, cook the food, clean up the food…. oh and there’s laundry in there too…. So stress? Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
David Patron knows how stress free MY life is. LOLOLOLOL

-- Homer : "Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain."

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1805 days


#11 posted 11-14-2011 03:51 PM

not all of us can be an octopussy and multitask like you RG …. :-)

Dennis

View StumpyNubs's profile

StumpyNubs

6241 posts in 1490 days


#12 posted 11-14-2011 04:11 PM

IS THAT RIVER GIRL? I thought you’d dropped dead or something! Haven’t seen you in forever!

The best part of the holidays is how everyone takes a step back, slows down and thinks about their family and their religion…. oh… wait… that’s the OPPOSITE of what happens this time of year!

The kids need a thousand presents, the relatives all want a better shop gift than last year, the friends wonder why you don’t care enough to MAKE their gifts too. The credit cards are maxed out with lumber charges and the wife just won’t stay off your back about those things that need to be fixed around the house. No wonder everybody tries to eat themselves to death this time of year!

This is why I don’t have kids, I shun my friends, I never fix anything, I don’t use credit cards and I don’t celebrate the holidays!

-- It's the best woodworking show since the invention of wood... New episodes at: http://www.stumpynubs.com

View CharlieM1958's profile

CharlieM1958

15706 posts in 2908 days


#13 posted 11-14-2011 04:22 PM

William, alcohol used to be my stress reliever too. I’m coming up on 15 years since my last drink, so I’ve had to find other ways to deal with it. Hobbies, like woodworking, are great until you take them so seriously that they start to become part of the stress instead of the cure for it.

The biggest thing for me is not to set unrealistic expectations for myself. Even with excellent health, I don’t have the energy of a 21-year-old anymore. Pace yourself wisely. Don’t set deadlines that will be impossible to meet. Enjoy the good things in life without guilt over not doing something you might think is more important.

If you spend too much time weeding the garden, you’ll never have a chance to stop and smell the roses.

-- Charlie M. "Woodworking - patience = firewood"

View helluvawreck's profile

helluvawreck

15960 posts in 1556 days


#14 posted 11-14-2011 10:15 PM

William, I sure am sorry about all of the stress that is getting you down. I suppose, for one thing, the world is becoming a more stressful place to live in. It seems like everything and everybody is having to move faster than they use to. A lot of people are having to work harder to make ends meet. There seems like there’s a lot more bad news that crops up than there use to be. At least it does to me anyhow. Then, of course, we grow older everyday and that don’t usually help either. Most of us have problems and sometimes we all let them and the stress get us down. I wish there was something that I could do or say that would help you get through this time. I don’t suppose there’s a lot that I can do or say except that I’ve been through the same thing from time to time and to say that I’m sorry that you’re going through it now. I suppose I could say, maybe think about the good things. Everybody has some good things to think on and everybody has some blessings. It helps me do this from time to time. I hope things ease up a bit for you.

-- If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau

View Moron's profile

Moron

4666 posts in 2583 days


#15 posted 11-14-2011 10:27 PM

Well, your in good company. ………so stressed these days that even sleep is becoming a dream. Last 2 projects……..never made a dime but I did spend on vacuum bags, saw blades, caulking, tape, stain, sandpaper……..and at the end…..not a dime.

Watched 2 guys install another kitchen, they get 60 bucks an hour each with constant questions like “Can I borrow some tape, Can I borrow your paint thinner, Do you have a no 8 driver, do you have a right angled drill, can I use your chop saw, do have any shims ?……………… I packed my tools and left. Guy was telling the client that he’s going to cut the crown to fit by biscuiting the joints, then taking the preassembled crown mould back to the shop to finish it. (Wish I was a fly on the wall because you cant biscuit thin mdf crown mould, and even if you could, you cant cut it without some sort of saw)

and they call themselves “installers” ?…………and they got paid 2x the money, and took 3x’s as long

No one ever said life would be fair and we were all born to suffer

I need a dose of urban concrete, this rural stuff is wearing thin on my patience

-- "Good artists borrow, great artists steal”…..Picasso

View Nomad62's profile

Nomad62

725 posts in 1648 days


#16 posted 11-15-2011 06:19 PM

One particularly bad psych night I was cut off by a driver that left me nowhere to go but into a guardrail; the only other option was to smash into their car and kill them. So I destroyed my truck and they drove away. Later that night I was on the wrong side of the concrete wall of an overpass looking down, thinking down there was the end to the anger. The hatred. The end of my hatred.

Well, I never found out. I chickened out. And here I am. The stress isn’t gone, the anger isn’t gone, and the hatred is subdued. I went to the public library (not the internet) and got some self-help books. I felt humiliated with what I was doing, I was “too strong” to need them books. But I kept remembering that bridge. I read and studied those books, and they gave me a way to read life in a different font. The way I am is the way I am, and that’s the way it is. I cannot understand your position, and I’m sure you can hope with me that I never do. But I know what helped me, and I hope it helps you too, if that is what you are seeking.

I got to see my daughter graduate from college. I saw another get married. I see the beautiful sunrise almost every day, even thru the rain. The sun is there, bright as ever, behind the rain; you can see its light.

-- Power tools put us ahead of the monkeys

View Dave's profile

Dave

11184 posts in 1530 days


#17 posted 11-15-2011 10:48 PM

Wow nomad62. That was amazing. You no everyone says walk a mile in my shoes. We all were shoes and walk a different path. No persons trails or tribulations are better worse than any others, just different. We all have our own monsters and demons. Its how we cope and deal with them. And the next time someone says walk a mile in my shoes. Take them up on it and you know what. You will be a mile down the road with there shoes ;) humor, love and life in the eyes of my grandson – that’s why I do it
DAVE

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are." http://chiselandforge.com

View William's profile

William

9149 posts in 1532 days


#18 posted 11-15-2011 11:38 PM

I feel much better since getting that little bit off my chest the other day. Thank you all for your kind words. I did take the photos of my latest project. I will try to post them later. However, since coming to my breaking point a couple of days ago, I have stepped back and took more of an “I’ll do it when I do it” attitude.
To some of you who know me, you may already realize that I am habitually too hard on myself. I push and push, even through pain, and doctors (and my wife) telling me to back down. I set unreasonable deadlines for myself. Then I kick myself when I don’t meet those deadlines. I can’t help it. It is the way I am. What I don’t usually talk about though is the fact that a lot of it comes from this rollercoaster ride that proffesionals call depression.
Nomad, I have been there.
I’ve put a gun in my mouth with every intention of pulling the trigger. The only thing that stopped me was my own form of “chickening out” in leaning back, while looking over the reveiver of that .44 Magnum, and seeing my smiling kid’s faces in pictures hanging on the wall. I got help. That is where the jokes (sometimes my jokes are reality) about the mental ward come in.
During my worst times my wife had to put me in the mental institution twice for depression. I admit that the reason the first time didn’t work was my own fault. I wanted out of there and started just telling them what theey wanted to hear. It was after the .44 incident that I finally accepted I needed help and got with the program. I still get depressed, but at least I haven’t gotten back to that point again. I guess that is something to be thankful for.
After some soul searching, I realize what is happening with me lately.
I set these goals for myself because of my own feelings of uselessness. My day to day questionable health issues prevents me from holding onto a regular job. I finally came to accept this. However, my wife recently has went back to work. I am happy for her and she seems happier herself than she has in a long time. Because of her happiness, I have repressed my true feelings lately. Her working again has made those uselessness feelings resurface.
On top of that, something else has risen it’s ugly head lately. Through intensive thereapy I learned that I have always had depression issues. I keep them under control though by keeping myself busy. That explains my extreme work habits that I’ve had since I first went to work at thirteen years of age. Before my wreck in ‘99, I don’t remember a time I did not put in near eighty hours a week. It was just the way I was. After the wreck, the depression set in because I couldn’t keep myself busy anymore. Nothing I found kept me busy enough until I found woodwork. Some of you may have noticed that I am pretty hard on myself though when I’m not able to do large projects on a regular basis. Lately I’ve been doing pretty much all “keep busy” projects. A large one is past due, but I just haven’t been up to it physically.
Ok, that is the basics of it, and as far as I want to go into it at this time. There are a lot more issues that have also contributed to my looniness, but I feel even more uncomfortable than I already do going into all that with someone besides my therapist (who gets paid to listen to my crap).

I want to end this one by saying this.
Any and all of you who have depression/pain/whatever-the-cause issues, I understand. I cannot sit here and tell you that I know every single thing you’ve been through. I can tell you that I understand though that your mind and mental state can and will kill you if you bury it deep enough like I tried to do once upon a time. I don’t check Lumberjocks every day, but try my best to never let more than two days go by without checking it. You can always send me a PM.

-- http://wddsrfinewoodworks.blogspot.com/

View Roger's profile

Roger

14859 posts in 1494 days


#19 posted 11-16-2011 02:53 AM

don’t let it get ya down. stress is a big ole deflater. it’ll definately get you down if ya let it. hope ya start gettin better soon. ya got a lot o projects to start n finish. :)

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Kentuk55@bellsouth.net

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