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Piece of Crap on purpose

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Project by lumberjoe posted 729 days ago 1741 views 0 times favorited 21 comments Add to Favorites Watch

My wife has been hounding me to make what she calls a “nick nack” shelf. She drew up some simple plans and I started in on it. Then the requirements came. It needed to look really old and abused. Terrific. I hate that look. I had a piece of oak with a LOT of sap wood in it, so I decided to use that.

The dimensions are 24*24 square on the outside and 6 3/4” deep (6 inches with a 3/4” face frame). Everything on the inside is dadoed. My dado sled came in really handy. Since this is a perfect square, the cuts mirror each other and were easy. I tried my best to make it look like crap. She wanted the face frame on slightly crooked so it looks like it’s been dropped a few times. I put some dowels in as well to make it look old, but they only go in about 1/4 of an inch and serve no purpose. I dinged it up with a screw driver here and there as well.

It’s stained with Minwax weathered oak, and it took on a really grey appearance. Despite her instructions NOT to finish it, I put on two coats of Arm-R-Seal. I was going to knock it down with some steel wool, but she couldn’t wait and hung it while I was at work. It way to glossy.

Even though I hate doing the “rustic” finish, I must admit, my wife has a good eye. We live in a very old house and it fits in quite well next to the 110 year old mantle. Also, I think it’s harder to make something look naturally crappy than it is to finish it “correctly”

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts





21 comments so far

View Alexandre's profile

Alexandre

1417 posts in 788 days


#1 posted 729 days ago

Joe, Is it sturdy? Otherwise you could drop it from a water tower a few times…

-- My terrible signature...

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lumberjoe

2827 posts in 845 days


#2 posted 729 days ago

It’s built like a tank. The entire thing is mortise and tenon cut with a dado blade, that’s why it’s face framed. I was always afraid of my dado stack, so I really wanted to spend some time with it. I’m glad I made the dado sled. It made the process super simple.

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts

View Alexandre's profile

Alexandre

1417 posts in 788 days


#3 posted 729 days ago

To make it look even MORE dinged up, Why not throw it from your second floor, maybe from a water tower, or bash it a few times with a hammer? :P
Although the finish is already on…

-- My terrible signature...

View jaykaypur's profile

jaykaypur

3252 posts in 1005 days


#4 posted 729 days ago

Love the “title” of this! You did a GREAT job on this piece of crap! LOL

I am still laughing! Thanks…....:)

-- Use it up, Wear it out --------------- Make it do, Or do without!

View lumberjoe's profile (online now)

lumberjoe

2827 posts in 845 days


#5 posted 729 days ago

Thanks! What’s ironic is when I want to make something nice, it comes out crappy (like my box I will post when I get the hinges on) and when I want something to come out crappy, it’s pretty hard to do!

I’ll give my wife credit for hanging it. She did a good job. D rings screwed into the back (AND she drilled pilot holes) and it’s hanging on properly anchored screws. It’s a lot less than level, but that’s due to her inexperience.She used a level and it’s dead on. The problem is the 100+ year old ceiling is not level at all. Had she ever hung crown molding or baseboards, she would have realized that.

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts

View BinghamtonEd's profile

BinghamtonEd

1195 posts in 967 days


#6 posted 729 days ago

You should have put it on the ground, then gone and fetched your wife, and said “Honey, I’m about to put the finishing touches on it!” Then, take a baseball bat, and act like you’re very carefully lining it up on the rack, say “Eaaaasy, eeeeeeeeasy…NOW!!!!” and start beating the bejesus out of it until its all busted up. “OK honey, hang it up.”

-- - The mightiest oak in the forest is just a little nut that held its ground.

View lumberjoe's profile (online now)

lumberjoe

2827 posts in 845 days


#7 posted 729 days ago

Ed, that’s why it’s hard. It can’t look like I took a bat to it. She wanted it to look like it’s been in the rain for 20 years and starting to fall apart. I think I nailed it, however “office spacing” it would have been a lot of fun.

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts

View Greg The Cajun Box Sculptor's profile

Greg The Cajun Box Sculptor

4932 posts in 1906 days


#8 posted 729 days ago

Looks very nice…but I am missing the crappy part somehow.
You could have also had it sandblasted. I had a desk sandblasted years ago and in about 15 minutes it made a new build look like it sat out in the weather for years.

-- Every step of each project is considered my masterpiece because I want the finished product to reflect the quality of my work.

View lumberjoe's profile (online now)

lumberjoe

2827 posts in 845 days


#9 posted 728 days ago

Good tip on the sand blasting! The color on this is terrible. It’s very grey. It does look old though. Also not sure if you can see it in the pictures, but I took off some of the outer edges of the face frame with a hand plane and some 60 grit paper (sort of a taper). This gives my wife the “falling apart” look she was going for, but all the shelves still line up so it wont interfere with item placement. I initially was just going to put it on crooked, but discovered the issue with the shelves.

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts

View Monte Pittman's profile

Monte Pittman

13228 posts in 935 days


#10 posted 728 days ago

You failed, it looks really good.

-- Mother Nature created it, I just assemble it. - It's not ability that we often lack, but the patience to use our ability

View lumberjoe's profile (online now)

lumberjoe

2827 posts in 845 days


#11 posted 728 days ago

Is that a compliment or criticism Monte? I can’t tell :)

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts

View dee2's profile

dee2

277 posts in 933 days


#12 posted 728 days ago

Kudos to the attempt to make it look “crappy”. I agree, it is very hard to “ruin” good looking wood. I’m sure your wife is very pleased to know that she has a hubby with so much patience!

-- Dee2, OH Aromatherapy....fresh cut wood!!

View lumberjoe's profile (online now)

lumberjoe

2827 posts in 845 days


#13 posted 728 days ago

Thanks Dee2. She is very appreciative of the stuff I make . More so because she always gets her way. I’ve learned to pick my battles. Keeping her happy increases my tool and wood budget.

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts

View KarenW's profile

KarenW

123 posts in 785 days


#14 posted 728 days ago

Ah but the customer is always right!
To age a piece (and yes, I get this request from a lot of customers) I use a lot of different things.
For worm holes, I use a small awl with a fine tip, bent at an angle and heated over a candle.
For aged colors – tear up a piece of steel wool, drop into a glass jar, cover with vinegar, put on the top and wait a couple days. Makes a good rusty wash. Added benefit – little bits of steel wool that cling to oak or maple will leave black streaks. People like that.
Thin gray or black paint, wash it on, wipe it off and wax over the top.
Boil a couple of tea bags and make an incredibly strong cuppa – one even I wouldn’t drink. Use it as a color wash.
Thinned burnt umber or black glaze brushed on then wiped off then further burnished off with a green pad.

Nice build, btw…
:)

-- Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best. --Theodore I. Rubin

View lumberjoe's profile (online now)

lumberjoe

2827 posts in 845 days


#15 posted 728 days ago

Karen, amazing tips! I was fortunate enough to have wood with a lot of real worm holes. You can kind of see them in one of the pictures, it’s on the sapwood side. I am going to have to remember these. The steel wool trick is genius.

-- www.etsy.com/shop/KandJWoodCrafts

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