|Project by Roger Clark aka Rex||posted 08-26-2010 04:58 AM||3367 views||7 times favorited||42 comments|
You Never Know
Well, you never know what a simple project can accomplish.
My quest to learn woodworking focused on the lathe which at first I was very apprehensive of using, dangerous tool. Anyway I “chucked up” a Pecan “log” – 12” long by 4” dia and began shaping the piece. It took quite a long time, several errors and frustration before I had the finished project to drool over.
My wife was not impressed and said “who would want that?” I assured her that it was a valuable and was in demand, so I embarked on task to find a customer.
I remember receiving an email soliciting products that needed customers, I believe the site was Crapmarketing.bus.ru . Rather than go through this site I decided to put my product on Yewtube, twatter and Farcebook and wait and see what resulted.
Well, I was staggered by the responses and offers for my product:
A millenary company wanted pairs of the product to market with their knitting wool patterns for narrow winter scarves.
Next a Steakhouse chain in Texas wanted boxes and boxes of the darn things. They said this was the best Texas sized toothpick they had seen which could handily extract a Long Horn from a molar or set of dentures in one swift pick.
I left the last interesting offer until last:
The door bell rang and opened the door to 2 heavily armed pink berets. The whisked me off blindfolded to a building with no windows to meet with Government “Covert Black Ops” guys, CIA, NSA, GSA and the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They grilled me for a couple of hours and when satisfied of my loyalty, questioned me about my product and if I could adapt it for Government use. The GSA guy said they were willing to pay $1500.00 per item – which I thought was real stingy seeing as they paid a lot more for hammers and toilets, but I guess it was a fair price, so I accepted. Other conditions were that they would set me up with a secret manufacturing facility in the US Virgin Islands and a beach house to live in. All Government benefits and services cam along with the contract – free medical, no interest loans, use of Government transport including aircraft and all Federal holidays off. You gotta love the Gov job program!!
The adaptations they wanted were that the products should be painted non reflective Stealth Black.
The pointed end of the product was to be dip coated in a mixture of salmonella and Ex-Lax so the target victim could be traced on the run.
Last thing was this being a Government and Military contract, I would need the necessary Government BS to comply. I was instantly approved as a sole contractor and my product received its Mil-Spec designation number.
I guess you should never let anyone put your projects down or laugh at them because you never know how things will turn out. For me it justified the effort and pride I put into the project. Yeah I’m making a fortune, and that wife of mine has filed a missing persons report, but I’m in the Government witness protection and having a great life in the Virgin Islands with ex-virgins – keeping my pencil sharp.
-- Roger-R, Republic of Texas. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" - An eyeball to eyeball confrontation with a blind person is as complete waste of Time.