Blue Collar Bread Board

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Project by NoLongerHere posted 09-17-2014 12:53 PM 2990 views 0 times favorited 22 comments Add to Favorites Watch
Blue Collar Bread Board
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Don’t know about you,

but, this is how us blue collar crusty carpenters like makin bread boards.



Yes sir, you can use it.

... go ahead, slice somethin on it.


You won’t find no mortised handmade miters, baltic bamboo butterflies or a slidin sassafrass slip fit.

No swirlin CNC strings or dizzy three D patterns, makin you have to sit down just from lookin at it.

No impossible inlays made from that bird eyed Buzinga, spalted spruce or quilted cocabola.

No loopy live edges or turquoise filled tunnels that look like green fungi laced granola.

No ivory or bony inlays or that burly butcher block end grain, always warpin and crackin and shit.

No usin nine different wood species from seven different continents, then spazzin out when GOP Gibson does it.

No woodworkin website threads with replies from 59 white collar, auto pencil pushin, Roubo bench bangin,

Festool fetish rubbin, Gold member Guild geeks, .... goin frickin insane,

”How do I cut a perfectly square 2×2” bread board block with my Lee Nielsen #1 hand plane?”

No exotic wood store excursions, hand selectin crotched, quilted and quarter sawn grains

.... no one else will ever see.

No spendin 289.50 for a pile a wood you can carry in one hand, five exotic wood fillers,

.... and a How To DVD.

No Sir,

Ain’t no reason wastin good cutoffs like a 1×8 piece a maple from drawers

I’m makin for a good payin project..

Ain’t no sense in wastin daylight makin a Bread Board so nice,

nobody would ever want to cut nuttin on it.



Ain’t no need spendin money makin wall hangin wood art,

ya can’t even cut up a tomato on,.... for fear a rinsin it.

Ain’t no way runnin it through the power planer

and gettin a nice clean cuttin surface on it!



No sir, makes no common sense at all,

always figured cut offs were for bread cuttin.

what do I know….. nuttin makes sense no more, ..... nuttin.



22 comments so far

View Andre's profile


993 posts in 1229 days

#1 posted 09-17-2014 01:33 PM

Know that’s a real cuttin board! Love all those hand cut Dove Tails! When I grow up I want to be just like you.

-- Lifting one end of the plank.

View Mr M's Woodshop's profile

Mr M's Woodshop

392 posts in 2490 days

#2 posted 09-17-2014 01:40 PM

My first smile of the day. Wonderful!

-- Henry Mowry, Santa Clarita, CA,

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3945 posts in 2587 days

#3 posted 09-17-2014 01:43 PM

I have purchased one cutting board in my life, and it is an end grain thing. But I got one that was not too pretty so that we would use it, and we do. It is in La Conner. And it gets cut on every day. Of course, grew up with boards like yours, and they are good enough.

Now trying to figure out all the innuendos and subtleties with the pictures you displayed with your prose is just too much for an old codger on his first cup of coffee for the morning…..............(-_

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View steve_in_ohio's profile


1195 posts in 1033 days

#4 posted 09-17-2014 01:50 PM

Wow, great job

-- steve, simple and effective

View rrdesigns's profile


526 posts in 2609 days

#5 posted 09-17-2014 01:54 PM

Something weird just happened. If you follow the link from the email notice that tells you there is a new lumberjocks post from a buddy, you get to see the post but it is riddled with false links that take you to a Chevy ad. If you view the post after having logged in first, the links are not there. Weird.

Enjoyed the post, (minus the ads), btw.

-- Beth, Oklahoma, Rambling Road Designs

View MadJester's profile


1941 posts in 1853 days

#6 posted 09-17-2014 02:03 PM

Yup…that’s a mighty fine cutting board you got there….

-- Sue~ Mad Jester Woodworks, "Not what I have, but what I do is my kingdom" Thomas Carlyle

View hotncold's profile


762 posts in 967 days

#7 posted 09-17-2014 02:44 PM

Not sure what I like more..the dissertation or the cutting board.
Both made me smile!

-- Dennie - Tennessee

View woody123's profile


53 posts in 2729 days

#8 posted 09-17-2014 03:34 PM

That IS my kinda cuttin board.

View crossfacecraddle's profile


131 posts in 1034 days

#9 posted 09-17-2014 03:47 PM

Yep, I have made maple cutting boards with two or three strips of cherry or walnut and people will not buy them because they are too “pretty to cut on” but they are not pretty enough to hang on a wall. KISS is always the best way.

-- i love the smell of sawdust in the morning, it smells like victory. John

View degoose's profile


7193 posts in 2778 days

#10 posted 09-17-2014 09:21 PM

I for one do not have any trouble selling my boards.. whether plain or fancy….I get the same price…

-- Drink twice... and don't bother to cut... @ For lovers of all things timber...

View AngieO's profile


1245 posts in 1570 days

#11 posted 09-17-2014 11:24 PM

Nice lol :)

View Mean_Dean's profile


4946 posts in 2570 days

#12 posted 09-18-2014 12:02 AM

Well, that’s quite a dissertation to go along with a nice looking cutting board!

-- Dean

View NoLongerHere's profile


893 posts in 2099 days

#13 posted 09-18-2014 01:03 AM

This was an older post from Refurbers I wanted to have here in my LJ profile. sorry to butt in.

Rad – those are machine cut dovetails on drawers for a kitchen project.
But, .... I’m glad yer likin it!

Henry Mowry starts off smilin

Jim is drinkin coffee, ponderin

Beth is havin E mail linkin Chevy stinkin ads a blinkin

Steve an Sue an Dennie likin,

Woody’s got his accent workin

not sure crossface should be sayin

Degoose tellin what others payin

And Angio, Dear Angio, you always leave me smilin

to Mean Dean and the gang, glad you liked my musin.

I think my Texan is showin.

View hotncold's profile


762 posts in 967 days

#14 posted 09-18-2014 01:07 AM

All right! That’s it! Adding you to my buddy list so I don’t miss any of these “prose ridden rants”!! :)

-- Dennie - Tennessee

View wiser1934's profile


496 posts in 2570 days

#15 posted 09-18-2014 01:54 AM

very functional bread board. have one that belonged to my great aunt shaped like a pig. high school shop project circa 1900. loved your dissertation on all the fancy thingamajigs LOL.

-- wiser1934, new york

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