Words of Wisdom For Woodworkers

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Blog entry by longgone posted 02-04-2011 10:23 PM 128180 reads 18 times favorited 19 comments Add to Favorites Watch

� Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

� Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

� The last thing I want to do is hurt you; But it’s still on the list.

� Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

� If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

� We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

� War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

� Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

� The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

� Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

� To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

� A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

� How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

� Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

� Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

� A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

� Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.

� I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

� Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

� Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

� Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

� Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

� A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

� Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

� Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

� I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

� There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

� I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

� When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

� You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

� Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

� A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are trying to catch one as when you are in it.

� If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

� Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

19 comments so far

View chrisstef's profile


17428 posts in 3034 days

#1 posted 02-04-2011 10:37 PM

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

-- Its not a crack, its a casting imperfection.

View shouldwood's profile


42 posts in 4186 days

#2 posted 02-04-2011 10:41 PM

This is GREAT!!! What words of wisdom and hilarious too. Thanks for making me smile today. Very true too.

View BritBoxmaker's profile


4611 posts in 3064 days

#3 posted 02-04-2011 10:41 PM

I used to be conceited but now I’m perfect.

You’re never alone with Schizophrenia.

-- Martyn -- Boxologist, Pattern Juggler and Candyman of the visually challenging.

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10880 posts in 3143 days

#4 posted 02-04-2011 11:08 PM

they say its stupid to go around and talk to yourself ….................well at least he is wise and smart compared to who they talk to

thank´s for the smile it saved the day :-)

View ETwoodworks's profile


92 posts in 2721 days

#5 posted 02-04-2011 11:18 PM

Lol I think the first one is my favorite.

-- Building quality in a throw away world.

View woodworkerscott's profile


361 posts in 2842 days

#6 posted 02-05-2011 12:11 AM

Thanks! A great read.

-- " 'woodworker''s a good word, an honest word." - Sam Maloof

View Dave's profile


11429 posts in 2868 days

#7 posted 02-05-2011 01:29 AM

man who fart in church sit in pew alone ;)

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are."

View rance's profile


4258 posts in 3188 days

#8 posted 02-05-2011 01:41 AM

There are some good ones in there. Thanks.

You show me a pig on the highway, and I’ll show you a road hog.

-- Backer boards, stop blocks, build oversized, and never buy a hand plane--

View Roger's profile


20929 posts in 2832 days

#9 posted 02-05-2011 04:00 PM

no. 4 is the best in my book

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Keep your dust collector fed.

View brianinpa's profile


1812 posts in 3751 days

#10 posted 02-05-2011 05:20 PM

There are some real Gems in that list.

-- Brian, Lebanon PA, If you aren’t having fun doing it, find something else to do.

View fernandoindia's profile


1081 posts in 2971 days

#11 posted 02-05-2011 07:47 PM

Love to read it. (In my work station)

-- Back home. Fernando

View Luke's profile


290 posts in 2715 days

#12 posted 02-06-2011 09:22 PM

� A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Now that’s awesome!

View devann's profile


2246 posts in 2720 days

#13 posted 02-07-2011 08:52 AM

Good judgement comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgement

-- Darrell, making more sawdust than I know what to do with

View Dave's profile


154 posts in 3225 days

#14 posted 05-25-2013 01:43 PM

These made my morning! Here’s another one: “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you’re an idiot than to open it and remove all doubt.”

-- "I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths." - Steven Wright

View JoeinGa's profile


7736 posts in 2035 days

#15 posted 05-25-2013 03:28 PM

Funny stuff!
“You dont have to always agree with me. I respect your right to have stupid ideas that won’t work”
“I thought I made a mistake once. I was wrong”

-- Perform A Random Act Of Kindness Today ... Pay It Forward

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