Why, Why, Why...

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Blog entry by longgone posted 08-21-2010 04:54 PM 2017 reads 5 times favorited 22 comments Add to Favorites Watch

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’... but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They’re both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE…...

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort …of mental illness. Think of your three best friends—if they’re okay, then it’s you. …

22 comments so far

View lew's profile


12154 posts in 3812 days

#1 posted 08-21-2010 05:02 PM

Love the one about the oil!

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View Woodwrecker's profile


4164 posts in 3632 days

#2 posted 08-21-2010 05:09 PM

You wouldn’t believe how many of those I’ve actually thought.
Thanks for reminding me of those…LOL

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10880 posts in 3172 days

#3 posted 08-21-2010 05:15 PM


View mmh's profile


3677 posts in 3779 days

#4 posted 08-21-2010 05:33 PM

HA! HA! Thinking can get you into trouble! Hey, you’re not spending enough time making saw dust!

-- "They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." ~ Edgar Allan Poe

View Ole's profile


67 posts in 3133 days

#5 posted 08-21-2010 05:38 PM

We didn’t evolve from apes… We are closely related to them because we share a common ancestor from which apes and humans evolved. They just happen to be the most closely related thing to us that is still around.

I’ve heard the baby oil one before, makes me laugh every time.

View CampD's profile


1696 posts in 3543 days

#6 posted 08-21-2010 05:45 PM

Thx, now ya got me thinkin!

-- Doug...

View Brokewood's profile


27 posts in 3077 days

#7 posted 08-21-2010 06:28 PM

I have to back up Ole about the apes thing, nobody says we came from apes, rather evolved alongside them.
I’m not trying to say what’s true or not, just that nobody really says we came FROM apes.

Just checked, two of my three best friends would be considered mentally ill… I don’t think that gets me off the hook…

View sawblade1's profile


754 posts in 3084 days

#8 posted 08-21-2010 07:27 PM

Wow some deep thoughts on life itself :)

-- Proverbs Ch:3 vs 5,6,7 Trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding but in all your ways aknowledge him and he shall direct your path

View RonPeters's profile


713 posts in 2937 days

#9 posted 08-21-2010 08:00 PM

Don’t confuse me with the facts when my mind is made up!

I’m still checking to see if the refrigerator light stays on….

-- “Once more unto the breach, dear friends...” Henry V - Act III, Scene I

View longgone's profile


5688 posts in 3365 days

#10 posted 08-21-2010 08:18 PM

We did evolve from apes…one look at my mother-in-law….

View Brokewood's profile


27 posts in 3077 days

#11 posted 08-21-2010 08:36 PM

Oh man, I hope she doesn’t read lumberjocks Greg!

View degoose's profile


7237 posts in 3411 days

#12 posted 08-21-2010 09:34 PM

And why is abbreviation such a long word.

-- Don't drink and use power tools @

View Div's profile


1653 posts in 2997 days

#13 posted 08-21-2010 09:41 PM

Jeezz, my 3 friends are quite sane! THAT explains a lot…

I guess you think of these things during the long hours you spend sanding those boxes of yours…

-- Div @ the bottom end of Africa. "A woodworker's sharpest tool should be his mind."

View rtb's profile


1101 posts in 3770 days

#14 posted 08-22-2010 04:46 AM

why are there still apes? They knew better

-- RTB. stray animals are just looking for love

View OutPutter's profile


1199 posts in 4047 days

#15 posted 08-22-2010 06:30 AM

My .01 -
If she says no, it’s rape
Political, not important
One is selling and can’t find a buyer because the price is .01 not .02
It’s cheaper
Steamer trunks had wheels in the early 1900’s
Like, not, as long as
TV repeats
They’re busy
It’s English
Indecent people get hungry too
No, they’re cartoons
Mineral oil usually
You asked
“It” is two different things
Your breath stinks
Speak for yourself
They don’t believe either one
They don’t sell non-sterilized needles
He shaves
Those were blanks
It’s a uniform
They didn’t
They don’t
They paid $1,000 for the vacuum, it better work
Through the attic
Speak for yourself
We don’t
There has to be a grain of truth for humor
How do you know they’re ok if you’re not?


-- Jim

showing 1 through 15 of 22 comments

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