Valentine’s Day Oneliners
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
Hogs and kisses!
What would you get if you crossed Odie with the god of love?
A stupid cupid!
Sorry Odie That was the way it came to me. Not a slam, don’t get mad.
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine’s Day!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
“I’m sweet on you!”
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
“I find you very attractive.”
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A hug and a quiche!
What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?
Desperate!
What did one pickle say to the other?
“You mean a great dill to me.”
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
“I love you a ton!”
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
“You’re fun to hang around with.”
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!
What did the pencil say to the paper?
“I dot my i’s on you!”
Liz: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Jon: “Really?”
Liz: “Yeah, you make me sick!”
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste!
—
Rate this funny at
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20080213
By the way Happy Birthday to Me.
A piece of Cheesecake and a coffee is one me.
Let me know and I’ll send it as an attachment.
-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com
14 comments so far
MsDebbieP
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11928 posts in 646 days
posted 241 days ago
mmmmmmmmmmmm birthday cake—and cheesecake, to boot!! whoo hooo
Happy birthday!!!
great funny ha has :)
-- "Functional WoodArt" by Debbie, Canada (http://www.execulink.com/~yohan)
matter
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181 posts in 255 days
posted 241 days ago
How many LJ’s are scrambling in their shops right now?
I’m giving my wife some lumber, and a gift certificate for lessons on what you do with it.
I may want to include a match.
What do dogs say on Valentine’s day?
I ruff you….
-- The only easy wood project is a fire
lazyfiremaninTN
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418 posts in 438 days
posted 240 days ago
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARSON…...AND MANY HAPPY AND HEALTHY RETURNS.
-- Adrian ..... The 11th Commandment...."Thou Shalt Not Buy A Wobble Dado"
Karson
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12910 posts in 886 days
posted 240 days ago
Adrian You can buy me a gift at the wood show. I’ll buy the coffee.
-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com
lazyfiremaninTN
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418 posts in 438 days
posted 240 days ago
Pink Hand cuff girl will be there and will be holding the debit card or I would. Maybe Greg will
-- Adrian ..... The 11th Commandment...."Thou Shalt Not Buy A Wobble Dado"
Douglas Bordner
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2555 posts in 549 days
posted 240 days ago
Happy Birthday Karson!
-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.
rikkor
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7678 posts in 360 days
posted 240 days ago
Happy birthday Karson, and many more!
-- Maplewood, MN
mrtrim
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1548 posts in 366 days
posted 240 days ago
happy birthday mr. karson !
Thos. Angle
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3236 posts in 448 days
posted 240 days ago
Happy birthday Karson. I think you been hangin’ out with Garfield too much.
-- Thos. Angle, Owyhee Design, Oregon
SPalm
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728 posts in 368 days
posted 240 days ago
Happy Birthday Sir. Keep it comming.
Steve
-- Stevethepeeve -- I'm no rocket surgeon
Lee A. Jesberger
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2758 posts in 465 days
posted 240 days ago
Hi Karson;
Happy birthday!
It’s really too bad you don’t have a day job.
One you wouldn’t quit for a new career in comedy! LOL
Who’s Jon, and why are you so hard on him?
Lee
-- by Lee A. Jesberger http://www.prowoodworkingtips.com http://www.ezee-feed.com
Napaman
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1788 posts in 563 days
posted 239 days ago
HAPPY birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANy new toys???? hope you had a great day!
-- Matt, Napa, CA...142 days to sanity...
Karson
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12910 posts in 886 days
posted 239 days ago
No new toys.
My wife’s Valentine card message to me says it all.
After so many years its hard to buy you something (You won’t take backl) So I just give you again my heart.
-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com
MsDebbieP
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11928 posts in 646 days
posted 237 days ago
ooooooooooooooh that’s beautiful
-- "Functional WoodArt" by Debbie, Canada (http://www.execulink.com/~yohan)