Tall Tales .... I'll start the list

The ASPCA will be after you.

-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com

hope not ..,,,,, I didn’t mean to !!!!

whoops forgot to say ,the bird got up and flew away !! forgot that part.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

Good reply.

-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com

I have a dent in my skull where my dad hit me with a hammer after he caught me sharpening his chisels on the concrete. :)

-- You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. (Plato)

I have big bricklayer boot foot prints on my rear end !

-- ..... art for lifes sake

I remember once getting in such trouble with my Dad, and it was not even my fault! My brother and his best friend “borrowed” my Dad’s heavy duty safety glasses (I’m not sure exactly what they were for, maybe some welding). Well needless to say they broke them. I, the little look up to your brother little, sister was talked into putting the glasses back in the toolbox. I got caught. That was the only time my Dad ever spanked me. Boy did I have a red seat. Never quite trusted my brother’s pleadings after that either. I can laugh about it now, but I can still feel my Daddy’s hand on my rear. Wow that hurt!

-- Betsy - GO BUCKS!

my wifes brother Joe, when he was 17 (he’s 50 now), aimed a electric drill at his head and got it stuck in his long hair. Completelly tangled up his hair wrapped around the chuck and sucked drill bit into skull.

He had to cut off his long hair from the tangled mess and lived with short hair for awhile.

My wife Peggy says her brother descided he didn’t like the drill and stuck to working on cars. She seriously thinks he might had been older, but doesn’t remember now.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

Wow Dan, don’t let brother in law anywhere near your shop, might pick up a nail gun and hurt someone, like himself.

-- Bill - "Suit yourself and let the rest be pleased." http://www.cajunpen.com/

Several years after my father entered the electrical business he had an apprentice working with him. This guy had long hair and Dad warned him to get it cut or tie it back cause the drill could catch it . . . but he didnt. One day when up several flights of scaffolding the wind picked up and this guys hair got twisted up in the auger bit in Dad’s 3/4” drill. The guy was fighting with Dad as he did not want to cut his hair . . . all this while the drill was snuggled up quite closely to the side of his head. Im not sure how Dad “convinced” him to cut the hair . . . but he did get the job done on time and the drill was not hurt in the process. :-)

-- The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them

Sounds like a scene from Saw.

-- -John "Do I have to keep typing a smiley? Just assume it's a joke." www.flickr.com/photos/gizmodyne

When I was about seventeen, I was making a custom stock for my rifle. I remember it was a monday morning because I drove into town to get a haircut. Barber shops are closed an Mondays, so I went back home.

I was using a drill with a sanding drum on it. I guess I was leaning over a little, and the next thing I knew, my hair got sucked into the motor of the drill. Pulled the drill right up to my head rather quickly. It was also quite painful.

I had to get my father to cut the drill away from my head with a razor blade.

I still cross the street when I see a drill. LOL

Lee

-- by Lee A. Jesberger http://www.prowoodworkingtips.com http://www.ezee-feed.com

Back when i was about 12 years old i needed to fix the handelbars on my bike. I tightened them with wrenches and that just didnt work at all. Dad has a welder and i just had to give it a try. When dad got home and caught me without a welding hood on it was more than my eyes that hurt. The seat of my pants were just as hot as the handelbars.

-- bryano

I have had some painful wrists after having 1/2 drills going through some steel and then turning the drill and not the bit.

Very careful about that now.

-- Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com

I mounted a 10 inch blank on my Jet Mini Lathe, with the speed in the low 1000 rpm. When I turned it on the lathe began to buck, so I jumped on the ways and rode it around the shop until I ran out of cord. Made it over 20 seconds!

Oh, trimmed down Peco’s-Bill-style . Never mind.

-- "Bordnerizing" perfectly good lumber for over a decade.

yeee-haw!

-- Dorje (pronounced "door-jay"), Seattle, WA

I would have liked to watch Douglas ride the bucking machine! <lol>Lol

-- Thos. Angle, Owyhee Design, Oregon

I was working on a job site, and a guy was kneeling down and drilling into a door threshold. Suddenly i hear this God awful scream and hes running around holding his crotch!

To top it off he drops his pants and wants help with accessing the damage (while screaming the phrase “i drilled my &%#@” over and over). Talk about a dilema. There must have been 14 rowdy carpenters, plumbers and electricians that we’re speechless on a jobsite for the first time in their lives.

Somehow we convinced him he had to get his pants back on so we could get him to the doctor. Turned out to be just a flesh wound and he was back to work the next day with a noticeable abscence of a drill in his hand.

-- miles125, Alabama.."Architecture is frozen music""

About three years ago my wife and I decide that we would give the rehab on houses a try. So we buy your typical handyman special house. During that first fall we decide that we were going to redo our one and only bathroom. New tub,toilet,sink and flooring. This is the first huge project that I was ever doing myself. I mean I read all of the how to books on plumbing and all, but the books don’t replace experience. So I get everything out but the tub, and no matter what I tried the darn thing would not fit through the door. So light bulb came on and I drag out the old saws all and a 9 1/2” blade. I cut the tub in two and it comes right out of the bathroom. When the time came to put the new tub in it didn’t quite sit right, there was a 2×4 that was holding it up. AHH light bulb again since this wood was not holding the walls up heck I should just cut it out. So I grab the saws all and yeah that’s right 9 1/2” and all through the wall I go. Not once but twice and I hear my wife yelling and as I pull the blade out I see day light and look down at the blade and Like Ralphy from the movie the f bomb came roaring out. But everything is fixed and looks good and anyone that asks how the house is going Tammy has to through that story out there.

-- Something that goes unnoticed will never be remembered.

About 8 or 9 years ago I got a commision job from a man who said he worked @ the White House in
Wash DC. He wasn’t a real big shot, but a office guy. He collected Stickley furniture and wanted a coffee table to match his Morrison chairs. We descided on a two tier round coffee table design, mortice and tennon construction, qtr sawn white oak and a antiqued finish. He wanted something pretty big. It ended up with a round 40 inch top and a round 24 inch shelf underneath. I recently bought my big-ole crafts lathe and figured I could turn the tops round on my lathe. I edge glued 6/4 boards, and with a nail mand string made circles, cutting them out on the band saw. Made a big face plate for the lathe and turned it 90 degrees so it rotated off the edge of the table. With the large top spinning about 200 or 300 rpm I tried to turn the piece like normal.
Chisel grabbed real hard and the top came loose and started spinning around the shop. It flew across the shop banging into stuff and tore up the edge of the top pretty good. Not to be beaten my a lathe, I remounted the top on the face plate with larger screws and tried again. Still the chisels wouldn’t cut right. Not giving up I thought up something different. I built a quick 2×4 floor standing jig for my router. It was designed so that the side of the router bit would cut and smooth out the rotating top. Well it really worked good. I was able to get the top perfectly round and smooth. With the same jig, I set up a random orbital sander and sanded the face smooth, starting at 60 grit and working my way up to 320.

When I shipped the piece, the customer was delighted with the table.

True Story, believe it on not !!

-- ..... art for lifes sake

Forgot to say I had to turn the 40 inch top undersize because of the damage done when it spun off the face plate. Ended up at something closer to 36 inches. Customer never noticed the error.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

Great stories. I wish I had one.

Maybe I do but I can’t remember as a result of whatever happened to me?

Gary

-- Gary, East TX -- The longest journey begins with a single step.

You probably are hiding a good story. tell us what happened to you !

-- ..... art for lifes sake

I was installing an alarm system years back, for a newly opened Law firm. They had renovated an old store in an old building…small time operation. Anyhoo, we were drilling thru a 10” thick sheetrock wall, above the ceiling line to run a control cable. You always check both sides of the wall first of course, and we knew there wasn’t anything on the other side, except more sheetrock. Half way thru we hit something solid. We verified by the prints that there were no water, sewage or electrical pipes there and figured we must’ve hit a steel beam. Out comes the high speed steel bits…and still we made no progress. I hit some hard ceramic tile once at Kent State university and stated that this wall might have some ceramic tiles inside. So out comes a rock bit…still no progress. Now we’re pissed. Out comes the Starbit. (For those who I just lost, a Starbit is a long chisle that ends in a 4 pointed “star” and is used with a BIG HAMMER to drill thru solid rock!)

I gave it a mighty whack and what we heard next sent the color from our faces. You know the movie sound bite they use in cartoons to simulate crashing, breaking glass? This was 10 times louder than that! Seems the Gen. Contractor had sheetrocked over a “huge plate glass window”!!! Everyone came running! Luckily it was all contained within the wall board!

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

thank goodness for the wall boards.. man that must have been scary

-- "Functional WoodArt" by Debbie, Canada (http://www.execulink.com/~yohan)

Can’t think of any “tall tales” – just the very real narrow misses we’ve probably all had that taught me shop safety. The projectiles from kick back and such that put a dent in the wall behind me . . . where I said to myself, “Boy, I’m glad I wasn’t standing in the way.” or “I’m glad I had my safety glasses on . . . ” etc.

For some reason, your post also made me think back to all the big boards my father let me cut up into smaller pieces in my youth with no particular end result. I think about how careful (anal?) I am now to think through a “cut plan” in order to “waste” as little wood as possible. I’m thankful he let me “waste” some wood to nuture the joy I have in working wood today.

-- Paul, Texas

I worked with carpenter in Lubec Maine. He was really big, probably about 6 foot seven and built like a lumberjack ! He was so strong and powerful he could completely drive in a 16 penny into pine 2×10’s with one smack ! Wham ! ............. all done …................. next nail !!!

-- ..... art for lifes sake

I was home on leave from the Army and as always my step-dad had a project going on he needed help with. He was a General Contractor back in Wyoming and was subdividing a grocery store that was housed in the middle of a strip mall. The grocery part was being split into four different lots for new stores. The warehouse area in the back with all the utilities had to be subdivided as well. The exterior wall had to have three new holes cut in for each store. etc.

Since I was coming home he decided to not sub out the drywall and framing work in warehouse area. We had all the walls built and were doing the drywall work when he came in one day. He had an old Cowboy on his crew he framed out to me to help get the work done. Ray was not much of a drywaller but he could sure cut a line for you, just tell him what you wanted and he would almost make the straight edges and T-Squares sing.

One day my step-dad comes in with another contractor to check on our progress and we are cutting and hanging drywall around all these water pipes, conduit, etc, etc. I am up on a ladder with tape calling out measurements. “Ok, Ray this one is to the pipe is gonna be 41 and 1, 2, 3, no 2/8ths.” Ray grabs the square and lays it out.

My step-dad asked me if I was ok and I said, “sure, why?” “2/8 ths huh.” “Yepper 41 and 2/8 ths to be exact.”

He shook his head in disbelief and walked out. Ray said, “What’s his problem don’t he know 2/8 ths is a 1/4?” I about fell off the ladder laughing because I just realized what I had said with my measurements.

Back when I was a kid I was worken’-on-the-railroad ….. Lead carpenter on the B&B Bridges and Building crew for the Chicago Northwestern railroad.

We traveled all of Iowa and edges of the surrounding states, repairing old wooden bridges and railroad stations. This was a union job, Brotherhood of Maintainance of Way. Real good job in those days.

Our crew of 4 people were repairing a bridge over a creek, in a switch yard in Burlington, Iowa. It was raining, cold, early December. Our job was to switch out some old railroad ties. The way we did it was to take a 20 ft ladder and drag a big hydraulic jack up the concrete piers. Set the jack and racket up the rail from underneath.
We finished swapping out the ties on one end of the bridge in the morning and right after lunch started on the other side.

The concrete ledge on the other side of the creek was all covered with shelled corn. Leakage from all of the box cars going back and forth overhead. Years of buildup. The inside of the huge pile of the old corn was all brown and cruddy.

I climbed up the ladder with a big scoop shovel and started digging off the ledge. A couple big scoops in the rotted pile of corn, I hit a RATS nest. Not just any rats. Big rats. Really-really big Iowa-corn-fed rats. Big as dogs. Big fat corn fed mutated rats. The biggest RAT wouldn’t budge. I was eye level with a giant rat. Real-long-crooked-nosed rat. Its Gnarly yellow teeth, hissing and spitten. Scared the heck out of me !

In a heartbeat, I jabbed the shovel at the rat and jumped. Landing in the creek, ankle deep in mud I looked back to see the big rat scurry in the rotten corn pile.

I told everyone what happened and no one would go up the ladder.

We descided that there was a job somewhere else was more important and left.

-- ..... art for lifes sake

great stories.

-- "Functional WoodArt" by Debbie, Canada (http://www.execulink.com/~yohan)

Chilli
that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening
I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented
‘You’re definitely going to $h!t yourself’ chili. Tasty stuff,
albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a
written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your

• cheeks WILL fall off.
  cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.
  No ‘Watson’s Movement 2’. Despite habanera peppers swimming their
  way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create
  the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as
  thunder and lightning.
  when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery
  store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.
  cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It
  wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the
  restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m
  referring to that ‘Uh oh, gotta go’ pain that always seems to hit us
  at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.
  revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the
  small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and
  before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which
  would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning
  shot.
  enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before
  been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile
  odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to
  leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle
  and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.
  reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to
  dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been
  torn in two different directions emotionally? Here’s what I mean,
  and I’m sure some of you at least will be able to relate.
  she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of
  odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses
  and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about
  her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course,
  made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.
  down’, if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive
  issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and
  echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had
  ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a
  shotgun.
  through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the
  whole way, praying that I’d make it before the grand mal assplosion
  took place.
  began the inevitable ‘Oh my God’, floating above the toilet seat
  because my * is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in
  while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of ‘Shock and
  Awe’. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ‘Sonofabitch!’,
  then quickly left.
  cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee
  approached me and said, ‘Sir, you might want to step outside for a
  few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the
  store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a
  minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.’
  me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to
  cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted,
  ‘IT’S YOU!’, then ran off returning moments later with the manager.
  I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too
  kindly not to return.
  to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next
  day I went to shop at Krogers’s. I can’t say anymore about that
  because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim
  they’re going to have to repaint the store..

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing

-- ..... art for lifes sake