Ruminations, Philosophy, and Workshop Antics.......... #21: The LumberJock Syndrome, also known as the Dick Cain Syndrome

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Blog entry by Jim Bertelson posted 01-12-2011 06:13 PM 5055 reads 0 times favorited 36 comments Add to Favorites Watch
« Part 20: Hallucinations from the Beach, on a Theme from a 'Project from the Past' Part 21 of Ruminations, Philosophy, and Workshop Antics.......... series Part 22: Don't clean up those old tools, you are removing their value! It's all about...PATINA! »

I dedicate this post to Dick Cain, and DennisGrosen. Dick, because like me, he has confessed to having the syndrome, and Dennis, who has spent considerable time investigating the cause, his latest focus being the devices at the entrance of the stores which may be much more than they seem. Keep up the good work Dennis, you may become famous in the arcane field of mind control.

Aha….....that’s it, mind control…......that’s what they are up to. Indeed it must be the cause of the Lumberjock Syndrome.

Every syndrome must have at least three characteristics:

The Lumberjock Syndrome

1) The victim is a Lumberjock
2) The LJ is seen entering a store to buy a specific item
3) The LJ exits the store with multiple items, but not the specific item the LJ went there for.
4) The LJ spends much more time, and money, than intended, and certainly more than the LJ can afford.
5) The LJ has no memory of the event
6) The events reoccur at odd intervals, possibly related to stressful events…….....burns at the site of one’s pocket from unspent and overactive currency, feelings of worthlessness, shopping deprivation
7) LJ’s with this syndrome may also suffer from LackOfNewTool Lament, an apparently related and not dissimilar affliction.
8) There is no known cure

As an aside, beware of ads claiming to cure this terrible malady, perhaps through mail order rather than buying locally, they will certainly just exacerbate the phenomenon. Mail order may be less public, but it allows the victim to to hide the symptoms from his support group….....until the packages arrive…........(-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

36 comments so far

View lew's profile


12056 posts in 3753 days

#1 posted 01-12-2011 06:25 PM

We need to add one more characteristic:

The tool purchase is clandestinely installed in the workshop, at an inconspicuous location. Then expertly camouflaged and “antiqued” with saw dust and shavings to make it appear as if it had been there since the inception of the shop. Only after a sufficient amount of time is the purchase actually used in front of the significant other (she who holds the purse strings).

Please don’t ask how I know of this characteristic.


-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View stefang's profile


15881 posts in 3332 days

#2 posted 01-12-2011 07:00 PM

Yes, we all have it Jim and strangely enough we don’t want to be cured!

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View dbhost's profile


5710 posts in 3230 days

#3 posted 01-12-2011 07:01 PM

Oh man are you guys opening up a can of worms!

-- Please like and subscribe to my YouTube Channel

View lilredweldingrod's profile


2496 posts in 3105 days

#4 posted 01-12-2011 07:41 PM

A can of worms? What do you use that for? Who cares. I see it mentioned on LJ. Must have one or two. OK I’m back from the store. What to use these for? Who cares . I have them. They’re all mine Oh joy. I must build a new glass front cabinet to display them. OH NO! No free wall space. What am I going to do? I know, I’ll ask my fellow LJ’s. They will know how to handle this crisis.

HEY DAVID!.....................Dr. Jim, are you sure there is no pill for this?

View Cliff De Witt 's profile

Cliff De Witt

130 posts in 2690 days

#5 posted 01-12-2011 07:43 PM

An other symptom seems to be : Going in to the office for work, thinking to one’s self ….I wonder what is happening on LJ or if Andy has posted another box? Let me take a quick minute and check. Lunch time magically happens and no productive, income producing work has.

AND NOW I HAVE ACCESS!! it was bad enough when I could only read.

-- Trying to find an answer to my son’s question: “…and forming organic cellulose by spinning it on its axis is interesting, why?”

View live4ever's profile


983 posts in 3008 days

#6 posted 01-12-2011 08:25 PM

All joking aside, I wonder how many of us could actually qualify for a medically-certifiable LJ dependence?

Here are some questions used to determine if one may have a dependence on alcohol. I adapted them to Lumberjocking (which includes the usage of the LJ site as well as associated syndrome). I for one, quite obviously have a problem:

1) Have you ever decided to not come on LJ for a week or two, only to last a day or two? Yep.

2) Do you wish people would mind their own business about your LJing? Yes. Honey, that’s you.

3) Do you ever have or feel like you need an eye-opener? Yep. Crap.

4) Do you envy people who can LJ without getting into trouble? I do. I have to hide my stuff with sawdust like Lew.

5) Do you tell yourself you can stop LJing whenever you want to, even though you keep doing it? Yes.

6) Have you missed days of work or school because of LJing? No comment.

-- Optimists are usually disappointed. Pessimists are either right or pleasantly surprised. I tend to be a disappointed pessimist.

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10880 posts in 3113 days

#7 posted 01-12-2011 09:42 PM

I deffently can identyfir myself with nr.5 Jim
that was one of the resons I started to invastigate the isue ,why I cuold´t remember
buying new juwlry´s high heel´s and dresses to the shop
and the next day I surdently discover I had two of each new juwlry´s a sick wallet and suffering from a quick waight loss and funny brain becourse my eye´s flac all over trying
to see every thing at the same time and having a werd spasme in both arm´s :-(

Rand : may I surgest you start hanging them down from the ceilling and use the colourfull
paperwire you use at Chrismas times to wrap around gift´s
or better yet start with some older juwlry´s Mum had seen before :-)
and DB HOst is just trying to pursvade us to go fishing

take care out there

View PurpLev's profile


8535 posts in 3646 days

#8 posted 01-12-2011 09:47 PM


I’ve actually made it a plan to keep 2011 free of woodworking related expenses – with the exception of finishes and hardware (bolts/screws/etc). so far so good…lol

-- ㊍ When in doubt - There is no doubt - Go the safer route.

View degoose's profile


7233 posts in 3352 days

#9 posted 01-12-2011 10:06 PM

Phycisian heal thyself…lol

-- Don't drink and use power tools @

View NBeener's profile


4816 posts in 3172 days

#10 posted 01-12-2011 10:16 PM

It’s conceivable that there IS “no known cure” because it isn’t CLEAR, yet, that this IS a problem :-)

-- -- Neil

View lilredweldingrod's profile


2496 posts in 3105 days

#11 posted 01-12-2011 11:05 PM

Rats. My worms are dead and starting to stink.

View Tim Dahn's profile

Tim Dahn

1567 posts in 3563 days

#12 posted 01-12-2011 11:06 PM

Just one question- Is there a way to password protect post’s like this one from prying eyes? I may have the syndrome but as Mike said I don’t want a cure either!

Oh, and fine sawdust seems to work best ;)

-- Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgement.

View Dick, & Barb Cain's profile

Dick, & Barb Cain

8693 posts in 4297 days

#13 posted 01-12-2011 11:10 PM

The sales associates in the tool stores can spot me from a mile away.

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN.

View Dennisgrosen's profile


10880 posts in 3113 days

#14 posted 01-12-2011 11:18 PM

It most deffently have something to do with how you drive into the parkingplace
they have a camera for the same reason
and the way you walk against the store trying tolook like you only will
have a sneakweiw in the store …...........they are trained on a speciel school
where CIA and FBI realy wishes they have acsess to there trainingprogram


View live4ever's profile


983 posts in 3008 days

#15 posted 01-12-2011 11:33 PM

Sharon – wood?? ;)

-- Optimists are usually disappointed. Pessimists are either right or pleasantly surprised. I tend to be a disappointed pessimist.

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