LumberJocks

Ruminations, Philosophy, and Workshop Antics.......... #16: A case of LackaNewTool Lament.....................

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Blog entry by Jim Bertelson posted 03-27-2010 06:51 PM 899 reads 0 times favorited 21 comments Add to Favorites Watch
« Part 15: I Cannot do Quick and Dirty AnyMore........................got a melody? Part 16 of Ruminations, Philosophy, and Workshop Antics.......... series Part 17: FLASH: The Petrified Poets Society Selected to Judge.......The Great Sanding Block Beauty Show...... »

Recently….....I was talking about the new sandpaper, and my ancient Hitachi sander in a recent blog entry.

And I got this yearning for a new sander…..you know, nothing like a new tool to make you upbeat.

You know….......

the average American equates buying a new car or truck as nirvana

.......soaking up the hype….certain that he will be the envy of the neighbors, revelling in the scent of newness…as they just sit in the vehicle…......

caressing the exquisitely designed vinyl embellishments designed to make you think your new Ford Focus was made by Lamborghini, or your new F-150 was designed by Caterpillar

.....looking under the hood, with pride that indicates the engine must be a new V12 straight from the Ferrari factory.

But not LJ’s. For LJ’s, Cars and trucks are merely a means to bring home the tools we have coveted, and eventually purloined from our favorite hardware purveyor, then covered with bags of groceries or fertilizer for the lawn, pehaps a roll of insulation or two, hoping to escape detection by the suspicious inspecting eyes of our spouse. Then when all is quiet, we clandestinely sneak it out of the trunk, quietly closing the latch, and rushing to hide it in some crevice between long forgotten hoardings in the corner of the garage.

Waiting to unwrap it when the warden has left the premises for legitimate shopping ( all shopping by the spouse is legitimate ), and then caressing it, fondling it, preening, posing it for the inevitable pictures for the forum.

But new tools are necessary. How else are we going to gloat in the envious commentary, the oohs and ahhs of our approving fellow LJ’s, who really know they must lavish praise on even the most inappropriate purchase of whatever doodad for improving our capabilities to do things we may never attempt in any case. Because then they know you are obligated to validate their equally profligate purchase.

Mutual tool admiration, the foundation of LJ’s, and a boon to
the woodworking industry. It’s not about projects. It’s about TOOLS.

It’s like a serial killer, who after the last killing, is calmed, and then over time the anxieties and needs build, until he must do the deed again….............

There is only so long an LJ can go without buying a new tool. You know, the kind of tool that has a cord, the PSUEDO NIKE TENNIS SHOE STYLING, something to inspire pride of ownership, and envy in fellow LJ’s.

Those who are suffering the most, nearing the end of the cycle, but the money isn’t quite there yet…

there must be a name for this painful malady…....let’s call it the …......LackaNewTool Lament…........

Well, I got a bad case of the Lament, but can’t quite justify the expense. Upon reading the comments to my sandpaper blog…. David Craig hit the nail on the head, noting the old tools look like they are wearing old man Dickie pants and a crew cut instead of donning those Nike’s and wearing a nose ring…

So in desparation, I conceived of a way to assuage my yearnings. Realizing I had bought a new tool recently, a sanding block, you know not anything to brag about, there would be no oohs and ahhs, because it was too cheap, and didn’t have a cord. But it did have the rudiments of the PSUEDO NIKE TENNIS SHOE STYLING.

So fixed it up to give me some relief, and a least hint of shiny new purchases to come…........complete with cord, and a nose ring…......

......an LJ just has do whatever he can do between big tool purchases, and this will have to do for awhile…....(-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska



21 comments so far

View lew's profile

lew

10168 posts in 2510 days


#1 posted 03-27-2010 08:17 PM

I had to laugh out loud on the part on disguising the purchase. When I bought my first lathe, I commented to the salesman about how I was going to get away with the purchase. He told me to cover it with shavings and sawdust after I slipped it into the work shop. That worked! Mimi didn’t discover it for over a year! It may have even taken longer but she couldn’t figure out how I made some candle holders.

Does the sanding block work off of R-F energy picked up on the antenna;^)

Lew

-- Lew- Time traveler. Purveyor of the Universe's finest custom rolling pins.

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3686 posts in 1919 days


#2 posted 03-27-2010 08:35 PM

Lew
I have neglected to mention many a purchase over the years, although mostly in the computer realm.

I totally built one computer, but used the old case. That way my wife wouldn’t know I had a new computer. Bought parts at the local CompUSA, had to modify the case a little, but it works to this day. Of course, I had two other computers, so it was a little hard to justify….....but needed that third computer…....you know…....like needing another router or a new sander…........(-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View Dick, & Barb Cain's profile

Dick, & Barb Cain

8693 posts in 3054 days


#3 posted 03-27-2010 08:51 PM

WOW!!!

That was some story, now I’ll have to go out in my shop,

& soup up my black rubber sanding block.<(;O]#

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3686 posts in 1919 days


#4 posted 03-27-2010 09:00 PM

Dick
Bet my sanding block looks better than your sanding block…...........(-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View DragonLady's profile

DragonLady

298 posts in 1762 days


#5 posted 03-27-2010 09:06 PM

oh, boy…this one had me laughing out loud!

And yes, I do tend to plan my tool purchases around the times when I can safely sneak the new tool in and downstairs into the basement without any one being the wiser…

I had to have him help me bring the table saw downstairs, though. There was no way I was getting that one in quietly!

-- A woman's work is never done-but power tools help!

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1870 days


#6 posted 03-27-2010 10:42 PM

:—-)).... ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi ha ha ha ha …LOL
very good Jim love that story and your new tool with alternativ energi
is one of the bedst idea´s you ever had shown so far
you can have a patent on it it will make you famous ;-)

and if the beloved one love that we can do every thing
when they scream do this and fix that and expected it is
done before the words is spoken
why is it we always sneak our new treasures in after it
has been dark and everybody is sleeping

is it becourse we are affraid of them ......................don´t think so
is it becourse we are shamed of using money….........don´t think so
is it becourse they don´t understand the nessery of
new jewelrys / high heels and gordius dresses in the
toolbox the same way as they put them in the closet…......maybee
I for sure don´t know
I do it becourse it is niice to have something for myself for a while
and it is great to have the day when it is nessery to have the tool
instead of calling for help or have to wait to the stores is open
and the triumf it is to go right in the shop and fix the thing´s
or haul out the toolbox to the room/car and repare it while
she wonder/smiling all over her (great and clever) husbond

Dennis

View Dick, & Barb Cain's profile

Dick, & Barb Cain

8693 posts in 3054 days


#7 posted 03-27-2010 11:21 PM

Jim

It’ll take me at least a week to whip mine into shape.

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

View NBeener's profile

NBeener

4806 posts in 1929 days


#8 posted 03-27-2010 11:26 PM

ROTFL!!!!

Clearly, the nose ring makes it just THAT much easier to hang it on the pegboard … and … the “power cord” offers significant stability at high speeds.

Good show, Sir. Good show!!!

-- -- Neil

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3686 posts in 1919 days


#9 posted 03-28-2010 12:40 AM

DragonLady
Lew’s comment about the lathe is pretty good, I am going to have to try that one. The biggest problem I have is my wife manages the books in the family, since she is a real bookkeeper. At work she is called the Hawk, never misses anything. And of course, not at home either. Now, if I could build a Powermatic lathe out of parts…................(-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3686 posts in 1919 days


#10 posted 03-28-2010 12:50 AM

Dennis
And I was demonstrating my shop, but on a very demeaning project, just before I sat down to write this. She brought home a cheapo bookshelf thing to store her stuff for the long arm quilter. I will make a better one sometime. But of course it needed assembly, and needed a few of my specialized tools, and I had to replace some screws that were totally inadequate to the task, and of course they were there in my moderate sized screw collection. Some people might think it is huge, but I know better.

So that ought to be worth at least one real power tool, not my make believe one….............

That description about the jewels in the workshop, that’s a real weapon. Gonna use that at some awkward moment someday, you know….........when I get caught trying to smuggle a new tool into the house…............

.....so thanks Dennis…...you may have saved me from the ulitmate punishment…...........

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3686 posts in 1919 days


#11 posted 03-28-2010 12:57 AM

Dick
OK, you got a week, that’s 168 hours, next Saturday we will meet at high noon, Alaska time.........and then we’ll see who has the best block…................(-:

........the minutes are ticking away.............

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3686 posts in 1919 days


#12 posted 03-28-2010 01:11 AM

Neil
Had to do a spread sheet on the tail. It needed to be flexible for tight corners (elastic coefficients there), aerodynamic (fluid dynamics there, the problem being the viscosity of the air is a function of the amount of dust, so there is not only turbulance, at my…..... well, just have to say it, extraordinary sanding speeds, but the viscosity of the air increases with the speed, and this makes the calculation not just a simple case of Bernoulli’s law), have good dielectric properties for the coating, and a low resistance core to allow the flow of electons, which of course, power the magnet flux engine, which makes this block an exceptional performer….......

The nose ring is tiltable for tight corners, although that interferes with its navigation function, you know, like a cat’s whiskers…....well that is a whole new discussion, perhaps in a PM some day….......

Dick will have tough time winning this one….............

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View stefang's profile

stefang

13633 posts in 2089 days


#13 posted 03-28-2010 01:20 AM

Clever ruse Jim. I would never try to deceive my wife about a tool purchase, or anything else! A coward you say? Perhaps, but that’s not the reason. My wife makes Hercule Poirot look like an amateur. I can document that statement with actual experience. Her perception would truly amaze you, as it once did myself. The criminal world can thank their lucky stars she went into nursing instead of becoming a detective.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3686 posts in 1919 days


#14 posted 03-28-2010 01:37 AM

Mike
I understand. When you live with the Hawk Lady, like I do, who manages all the books, dissembling must be refined, and raised to an art form. I never have any cash, so she can see from the credit card statements, and the checking account reconciliation, all the damage. So it takes some real study to achieve my just goals, in the shop….........

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View Dennisgrosen's profile

Dennisgrosen

10850 posts in 1870 days


#15 posted 03-28-2010 03:20 AM

glad to help you for a change
and you are toff to beat we know that
can´t you just have another acount with creditcart
where your paycheck go in first before transport
to the normal account and every time you got a
raise you still only transport the usual…......... did
I realy surgesst that sorry have already slaped myself for it

showing 1 through 15 of 21 comments

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