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Blog entry by itsme_timd posted 2211 days ago 8188 reads 0 times favorited 21 comments Add to Favorites Watch

One of our fellow Jocks, Rikkor, posted a great thread on being from Minnesota. I ’did time’ in Nebraska – 11 years – so I can relate to most of it. However, I’ve been down in the glorious South for over 20 years now… I had to throw this out for us Atlanta/Georgia folks!

You give directions starting with, “Go down Peachtree” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House.”

You only drink Coke or Diet Coke – drinking Pepsi is blasphemy.

You know to wear sneakers to the airport.

The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.

You use “Sir” and “Ma’am” if there’s a remote possibility that person you’re talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

You can Ponce De Leon Avenue correctly.

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules.

If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it’s on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling “I survived the blizzard” tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.

If you are standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you’re expected to get on and go somewhere.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta’s version of Old Faithful erupts.

Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all major streets during rush hour.

You never go 55 on Georgia 400.

You know you’re not allergic to pollen, because if you were – you’d be dead already.

You’ve never gone around the block and ended up on the street you started on.

You haven’t been downtown at night in years

You’ve woken up at 4:30 am on workdays to beat the traffic to work, intending to leave work before 3 pm to compensate.

You know at least five different ways to get to work, none of them ideal

You know what “sunshine slowdown”, “auto-flambe’”, “topside” mean, and what color a H.E.R.O. is.

You know where PIB, JCB, FIB, MLK, PDK and “Grady curve” are, and you try to never go there during any of the nine hours of rush “hour”

You’ve thought about getting a blow-up companion for the front passenger seat (LOL, HOV lanes…)

You hope you are the one to spot the vehicle that is the subject of the latest “Amber Alert” which has been flashing for ten minutes on the DOT message board exactly 13.5 feet above the hood of your SUV.

You’ve been in traffic on 85, 75, 20 or 400 (choose one) – wondering if your fuel, your cell-phone battery and your bladder will make it to the next exit, just 1/2 mile ahead

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Atlanta.

-- Tim D. - Woodstock, GA



21 comments so far

View mrtrim's profile

mrtrim

1696 posts in 2386 days


#1 posted 2211 days ago

i get them all ! i used to live in buford near lanier

View GaryK's profile

GaryK

10262 posts in 2494 days


#2 posted 2211 days ago

The traffic parts sound like L.A. on a weekend.

-- Gary - Never pass up the opportunity to make a mistake look like you planned it that way - Tyler, TX

View rikkor's profile

rikkor

11295 posts in 2380 days


#3 posted 2211 days ago

Great. these examples of regional humor are fun.

View Sandy's profile

Sandy

137 posts in 2430 days


#4 posted 2211 days ago

Hey, Timd, how about …

The need to say “Hey” when you first address anyone in conversation…

The plural possessive of “your” is “y’alls … is”

You know where “Spaghetti Junction” is located.

... and you know how to get to “the downtown connector” from there.

You know the difference between ITP and OTP.

You know the most current name of the Atlanta Airport.

Despite having been here, in Atlanta, for the ten years required to become a “native”, you’re sitll a “Damn Yankee” because you were born north of the Mason-Dixon line.

All your kids are “dawgs”.

The “local” roads are all interstates with seven lanes in each direction, and their route numbers (75, 85, and 285) are considered by virtually everyone, including the police, to be their speed limits (unless your license plates indicate that you are a “Damn Yankee”).

You know what the “Perimeter” is.

You also know that no matter how far you go on 285, you will still be on 285.

You know the difference between heading north (or south, or east, or west, for that matter) on the “inside” or “outside” loop.

You remember, when in a car dealership’s “loaner” car, to avoid being in the far left lane of 400 when you approach the only toll booth in the entire state.

You can actually figure out the watering restrictions which apply to your home.

You remember to slow down your speech and drawl when talking to New York attorneys, who haven’t taken a minute to first look you up before calling to explain that a dumb southerner cannot seriously be suing their Fortune 100 client in Atlanta.

You know what the Peachtree Road Race is, and you wear the t-shirt to breakfast after finishing it.

You can name at least 5 NASCAR drivers, and you know who their sponsors are and where they each finished in their last race.

You even know where their last race was.

You no longer use the expression… “I ain’t got a dog in that fight.”

You realize that tornados really do happen.

You accept that the owner of the winning lottery ticket will also be the current resident of a double wide.

You know what a “double wide” is.

You know what SYP is, and you’ve actually built something with it.

... a fellow Atlantan…

View Paul D's profile

Paul D

2122 posts in 2254 days


#5 posted 2211 days ago

Hey Tim, I resemble those remarks … :) It’s a great city to live in but sometimes … well … I better not go there …

-- Paul D - Lawrenceville, Georgia

View Scott Bryan's profile (online now)

Scott Bryan

27251 posts in 2327 days


#6 posted 2211 days ago

Tim,

Nice post. While I am not a resident I have been to the Atlanta area many times. This one earned some smiles from me.

Thanks for the post.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View itsme_timd's profile

itsme_timd

688 posts in 2336 days


#7 posted 2211 days ago

Gotta love “The A-T-L”!!!

Sandy, all good ones, for sure – but did I miss some fancy chart the COC put out to calculate the water restrictions???? My method is still ‘ask my neighbors’ ;-)

-- Tim D. - Woodstock, GA

View bbqking's profile

bbqking

328 posts in 2229 days


#8 posted 2211 days ago

Atlanta is the only place you can be in a traffic jam going 75 mph on the downtown connector at 5:30 in the morning. I do it every day.

-- bbqKing, Lawrenceville

View Earle Wright's profile

Earle Wright

121 posts in 2226 days


#9 posted 2211 days ago

You might be from Atlanta if . . . . . . .

your understand that the debate over which is better, “Church’s” or “Popeye’s”, is a serious matter.

you’ve sampled the fine Southern cuisine at Mary Mac’s Tea Room (on Ponce).

you’ve spread a blanket on the grass at Chastain Park to enjoy champagne and caviar, while listening to a concert.

you look for any excuse to hang out for three hours at Highland Hardware (now Highland Woodworking).

-- Earle Wright, Lenoir City, Tennessee

View tenontim's profile

tenontim

2131 posts in 2250 days


#10 posted 2211 days ago

Ya’ll don’t have anything to say about the Kudzu growing over all the trees?

-- Tim

View itsme_timd's profile

itsme_timd

688 posts in 2336 days


#11 posted 2211 days ago

We’re not allowed to talk about the kudzu here, it will promptly hunt you down and make you pay in horrible ways for speaking of it. In the process of hunting you down it will also have a chat with whatever plant happens to be pollinating for the day and they’ll prompty paint everything you own yellowish-green.

-- Tim D. - Woodstock, GA

View Sawdust2's profile

Sawdust2

1468 posts in 2593 days


#12 posted 2211 days ago

Many years ago a friend and I had gone to the Wood Show. Our wives were supposed to meet us there. 4 hours later no wives so we go to Highland Hardware. Hadn’t been there 10 minutes when I hear” Hey Lee, your wife’s on the phone.”

And it’s not really Coke (no matter what soft drink it is) it’s cocola.

One winter day we were in Crawford Long Hospital (I think he discovered some sort of anesthesia) and over the PA comes: “Attention. It is snowing in Birmingham.” My friend from Missouri says “What’s that mean.” It means you have one hour to get out of town or be snowed in for 3 days.

Everything else said about Atlanta is true. But they forgot The Big Chicken. I was about to start oral argument in the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals in Richmond VA when one of the judge’s asked me if they’d fixed the Big Chicken yet.

Lee

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

View againstthegrain's profile

againstthegrain

117 posts in 2258 days


#13 posted 2211 days ago

Worked at Mount Pisgah in Alpharetta, lived in Canton. Too funny. Thank you for the memories. Now I work at a church in the mid west. I live 8 miles away, and it takes 10 minutes. I have acres of land, hence, a very large wood shop. LIFE IS GOOD. Thank you Jesus.

-- Anchul - Warrensburg, MO: As a Pastor, I am just trying to get closer to Jesus. He was a woodworker too.

View tenontim's profile

tenontim

2131 posts in 2250 days


#14 posted 2211 days ago

Lee, you talking the Marrietta big chicken? You can’t get directions to anyplace in that town with out using the big chicken as a reference point.

-- Tim

View cpt_hammer's profile

cpt_hammer

133 posts in 2318 days


#15 posted 2211 days ago

What about “over younder?” I married a southern lady with a preponderance for the word yonder to describe the location of anything she wants me to get. “Fetch me the bottle from over younder.”

I’m still trying to find younder and when I do, I’m fixin’ to kick his rear section.

Also, don’t forget that in the bible belt, directions are given by the churches.

You need to turn left at the methodist church go down the road and turn right at that luthern church THAT YOU’SE DA be there and the left at the Baptist church with the pretty cemetery.

I’m still looking for the the church that “you’se da be there” and ended up in West Virginia.

By the way, those are actually directions I received from my grandmother-n-law.

showing 1 through 15 of 21 comments

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