”Tenaciousness of Great Worth”
....symptomatic of my nature, is my connatural sentience of in-grained beauty, appertaining to my esteemed knowing, that i am of great worth….
—-”i am of great worth….!” And so first one must ask the question to their own self, “who is worthy of worth?” As the artist who is striving to find his//her place….to carve out their own niche in the world of ‘wood art’, how far down into the pit of your soul does this struggle go? How goes the battle and has the conflict within your temple been heard to the positive praise of your tenaciousness of ‘great worth’.
We all struggle in so many ways, the requirements of this world that are placed on me, while I am working to full-fill a dream—-my dream, would at times seek to shatter the mirror of all I am….if I choose to listen. And what is my dream but an extension of the nature of the beast that so wrestles within me as ‘ego-eye-of-i’, while all the while telling me and filling me up with one-a-day multiple vitamin packs of yes you can today, while tomorrow may be, yes you failed, so have another one.
This is my struggle that I fight within my own self, where the demons of self pity would lay in wait, to toss a grapple and hook my downward demise. Listen even now, as a sound comes knocking on my heart door, and will I open or shall I act as if there is no-one home, have I got myself all pumped up and can I continue to talk the talk, or shall my words fall short and soon run out. What happens when the words fail and the artist sees him//her-self as just some mortal being, words fail and this condition leads to having no-more kind thoughts of ones way, which in turn marks me as all those others who having lost their way, now pay the reaper and go off to work in fields of past, where their dreams have all been laid to rest.
What becomes of the artist who after looking into the eyes of their spouse and hearing the many times over, “but it doesn’t sell and why do you take so much time….”, where is the artist who does not feel the pity at some point in their life, as friends look at them as if to say, “I feel sorry for you, since you can’t even see the uselessness of all this you have dreamed….’give it up, curse god and go get a real job’ and then you can just die!”
Where is the artist who has not walked into their shop and stood frozen in time and place, while wondering….”why did I even get out of bed this morning”, and then looking around the shop area sees all the tools just laughing at him//her since they also can’t wait to tell you of the fool you’ve been and then you also know how they’ve been plotting and planning to cut you up if you should fail to honor and respect their awesome teeth.
Paranoia will come, and speaks a language all it’s own, even to the blocking out of all rational thoughts of the artist’s artistic well being and this is that sound of struggle that goes on within the soul of the artist, till one day they decide that enough is enough. What will I do, what will you do when ‘enough is enough’....the towel can be thrown in and I can pack for home or I can say; ”I AM of GREAT WORTH”....!!!
Those voices within that would lead to my demise, these are the ‘dusty dirt devils’ and whenever I hear them start to murmur amongst them-selves, I make haste to bring forth my ‘positive image vacuum cleaner’ and so I do a house cleaning party, which no-one can touch. I keep watch over my soul with all due diligence and allow no-hearing of words that would speak any less then what I am. Why just now I hear a beautiful sound that is streaming forth from my inner being and the words are as sweet golden maple syrup, while I join in the singing of ….”the positive praise of your tenaciousness of ‘great worth’....thou that art-fully made as great ‘wood art’.
....in all my memories of past, I am the one who by my own choice….has went and picked up my sticks and built well made ‘wood art’....no-thing more and no-thing less!!!
-- --frank, NH, http://rusticwoodart.tumblr.com/