LumberJocks

Dave Talks #16: Oh for Pete's sake! When will it stop?

  • Advertise with us
Blog entry by dbhost posted 09-04-2018 08:26 PM 530 reads 0 times favorited 6 comments Add to Favorites Watch
« Part 15: Almost beyond words. Went to the shop, and couldn't move... What now? Part 16 of Dave Talks series no next part

Okay this is now just getting annoying.

I am pretty sure I let everyone know their permission to die was revoked after my Dad passed away. DId my father in law listen to me? Nooooo!

I am now in a state of utter, and complete disbelief. And now I am getting roped into helping with the obituary. Great… I hate thoe things. Never thought I would be the one to author one, especially one for my in laws…

Dang.

My attitude toward all of this is getting a bit different now.

Don’t get me wrong, if it was my ex mother in law I would probably throw a party. I really shouldn’t feel like that either, God help mne with that one! I actually liked my father in law. He was funny, a bit cantankerous if I am spelling that right, and a wee bit of a prankster… His humor will certainly be missed.

I know I should be upset about this, but for some reason I am not. His dementia has been ongoing much longer than my own Dads, and to be honest, we fully expected to see him pass before this year was out. Hard to explain other than he just looked to be shutting down physically. .

But I am not sad for him, or us really. I saw him the night before he passed, he was happy, he was laughing, and he knew where he was going, there was no pain, no suffering like we saw with my brother in laws cancer, no this was just an old man, with dementia that went to sleep, permanently.

The good Lord knows I don’t want dementia, but if I gotta go, in my sleep sounds like a great option!

-- Please like and subscribe to my YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/c/daves-workshop



6 comments so far

View robscastle's profile

robscastle

5313 posts in 2349 days


#1 posted 09-05-2018 09:46 PM

Always good to talk about it if nothng else it will make you feel better!

-- Regards Rob

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

4237 posts in 3309 days


#2 posted 09-06-2018 03:07 PM

The only good thing about dementia is that you die mostly unaware of what is happening.

Here is hoping that you will get a respite. My wife had a bunch of friends and acquaintances die about the same time, and it affected her, just like it affected you. When you are young, and your grandparents generation passes, I guess you don’t react the same, I know, I didn’t. But when it is your parents, and even some in your generation, it has a lot more impact. Unfortunately, the older we get, the more likely someone of your generation is likely to pass.

I remember my mother saying, when she was 90, and couldn’t see so well, that she wanted to die because all her friends and relatives of her generation were gone. She passed at age 93, with her mental faculties intact.

May the rest of this year be better for you and yours…

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View dbhost's profile

dbhost

5767 posts in 3377 days


#3 posted 09-07-2018 10:40 PM

Well the wake and funeral are over the burial is done.

I was volunteered to be a pallbearer which with my back issues should not have happened. I think the only reason I was selected was I was related and I have external Plumbing instead of internal. The grandsons were of no use for the most part.

the Crypt in the mausoleum had a problem with the rollers for the casket and we had to actually Jimmy the casket in there. It took something like eight tries in 90-plus degree heat and 95% relative humidity to give him in there. It was actually kind of funny almost like a last ditch effort on his part to say no I’m not going!

It’s actually been a rather terse day for me one where I would have been much better off had I stayed in bed turn my phone off and not talk to anyone. I’m hoping and praying the these funerals of the last ones we have to deal with for quite some time.

We have a family dinner where I have been setting up a slideshow photos along with some music his favorite music so I had to set up my projector my laptop, a projector screen which I don’t really have but I have a large green screen pair of tripods and crossbar that I can press into service. Which we did with a white background. It was a good bit of effort and it was a fairly noisy room and I didn’t have an external speaker and I have even less help setting up. One of my sisters-in-law started getting on me a bit about the sound and I probably let my mouth run more than I should have. Like I said this is the day I would have been much better off if I would have just stayed in bed and not talk to me anymore.

-- Please like and subscribe to my YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/c/daves-workshop

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

4237 posts in 3309 days


#4 posted 09-08-2018 03:19 PM

When under stress, we all say and do things we regret. Pain intensifies and prolongs any stress. The upside is, maybe the relatives won’t press you into service again… (-:

When we are young, we don’t like to admit infirmity, or limitations. Saying “no” is a learned technique, and the sooner you learn it, the better. There are times you really should be saying “I can’t”, or “I won’t”. When you push yourself in spite of pain, you are usually damaging something, and it will lead to a disability sooner or later. Unless it is a life or death matter, you shouldn’t feel obligated.

Over the years, I have a developed a whole list of things I won’t do either because of risk, or just because of discomfort. I suspect carrying a casket should be on your list.

Humorously, extended shopping is on my list of “won’ts”. As it turns out, due to a congenital spine defect, and the subsequent unusual wear and tear it caused, I can’t walk slowly very far without getting progressively worse hip pain. I noted this sometime in my 30’s, so it has been going on a long time. But I can walk fast for very long distances, because you use different muscles, and probably tense some others that coincidentally protect the infirmity. I have trouble explaining that to people, but no matter what they think, I just say no. If people don’t believe you it is their problem, not yours. Stand your ground.

So here is hoping that this doesn’t become an issue again, any time soon. But if it does, just try saying no. Once you do it a few times, it gets easier for you, and other people get used to it as well.

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View dbhost's profile

dbhost

5767 posts in 3377 days


#5 posted 09-10-2018 02:58 PM

I couldn’t agree with you more on the extended shopping. Standing still without support, or walking slowly is actually quite painful for me after a while.

-- Please like and subscribe to my YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/c/daves-workshop

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

4237 posts in 3309 days


#6 posted 09-10-2018 03:27 PM

I remember a decade ago, a walking tour of some middle or far east country. I think it was Jordan. I had to either stay behind and then walk fast to catch up or go ahead. I talked to the tour guide and he suggested I go ahead. He would tell me where we were going next. I would walk a ways fast, but try to stay in earshot of his comments. Then when the group caught up, I would walk fast ahead again.

The older you get, the larger the number of issues we accumulate. Just staying ambulatory can be difficult for some.

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

Have your say...

You must be signed in to post the comments.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com