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Happy Saint Patrick's Day

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Blog entry by cajunpen posted 03-17-2014 07:26 PM 668 reads 0 times favorited 7 comments Add to Favorites Watch

SAINT PATRICK’S DAY is Monday, March 17, so here are some Irish jokes to get you into the spirit!

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There’s a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in.

The Irishman: “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

The priest: “Get out. You’re on my side.”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Brenda O’Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?” “That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness Brewery.” “Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.” “I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.” Brenda reached a hand to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?” “It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.” “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?” “Well, no Brenda . . . no.” “No?” “Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

—————————————————————————————————————————

A golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:

“Aye, there’s a piece of shyt on the end of your driver. “

The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says:

“No, the other end.”

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.

“The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”

The first guy says, “So am I! And whereabouts from Ireland might you be?”

The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.”

The first guy responds, “Sure and begora, and so am I!

”And where did you live in Dublin?”

The other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”

The first guy says, “Faith, it’s a small world, so did I, So did I! And to what school would you have been going?”

The other guy answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.”

The first guy gets really excited and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”

The other guy answers, “Well, now, let’s see, I graduated in 1964.”

The first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it – I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 me own self.”

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”

Vicky asks, “Why do you say that, Brian?”

“The Kelly twins are drunk again.”

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!!

-- Bill - "Suit yourself and let the rest be pleased." http://www.cajunpen.com/



7 comments so far

View stefang's profile

stefang

13623 posts in 2078 days


#1 posted 03-17-2014 07:49 PM

Thanks for the laugh. I’ve heard the one about the twins before, but thanks to encroaching senility I had forgotten it, and it was just as funny the second time around.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View doubleDD's profile (online now)

doubleDD

2779 posts in 787 days


#2 posted 03-17-2014 08:51 PM

Made the day.

-- --Dave, Downers Grove, Il. When you run out of ideas, start building your dreams

View Thewoodman2000's profile

Thewoodman2000

763 posts in 714 days


#3 posted 03-17-2014 11:55 PM

Got to smile thanks

-- (the only thing in there she says is....tap on head..........tap..........tap..... saw dust) - James www.etsy.com/shop/ZionsWoodnCrafts

View Mark E.'s profile

Mark E.

384 posts in 2486 days


#4 posted 03-18-2014 12:01 AM

Thanks.

Happy St. Patrick’s day.

And a happy birthday to my Mom. 88 and counting.

-- Mark

View Roger's profile

Roger

15261 posts in 1548 days


#5 posted 03-18-2014 12:43 AM

Gotta lubv dem Irrrrrrrrrrrrrrishmen…... Sowwwry, the Buinness..,, is doin the tiypingg. May the gook luk o the Irishh, be wit u alwazzz…

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Kentuk55@bellsouth.net

View Roger's profile

Roger

15261 posts in 1548 days


#6 posted 03-18-2014 12:45 AM

sowwry, I ment Guinness’s’

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Kentuk55@bellsouth.net

View Monte Pittman's profile

Monte Pittman

15450 posts in 1082 days


#7 posted 03-18-2014 12:49 AM

Excellent. Enjoyed it.

-- Mother Nature created it, I just assemble it.

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