SAINT PATRICK’S DAY is Monday, March 17, so here are some Irish jokes to get you into the spirit!
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There’s a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in.
The Irishman: “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
The priest: “Get out. You’re on my side.”
Brenda O’Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?” “That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness Brewery.” “Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.” “I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.” Brenda reached a hand to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?” “It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.” “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?” “Well, no Brenda . . . no.” “No?” “Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”
A golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:
“Aye, there’s a piece of shyt on the end of your driver. “
The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says:
“No, the other end.”
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.
“The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”
The first guy says, “So am I! And whereabouts from Ireland might you be?”
The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
The first guy responds, “Sure and begora, and so am I!
”And where did you live in Dublin?”
The other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
The first guy says, “Faith, it’s a small world, so did I, So did I! And to what school would you have been going?”
The other guy answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.”
The first guy gets really excited and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
The other guy answers, “Well, now, let’s see, I graduated in 1964.”
The first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it – I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 me own self.”
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
Vicky asks, “Why do you say that, Brian?”
“The Kelly twins are drunk again.”
HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!!
-- Bill - "Suit yourself and let the rest be pleased." http://www.cajunpen.com/