LumberJocks

That's how the fight started

  • Advertise with us
Blog entry by WoodSparky posted 1644 days ago 1304 reads 3 times favorited 16 comments Add to Favorites Watch

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to make love?”

“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started….

————————————————————————————————————————

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

And that’s when the fight started….

————————————————————————————————————————

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
‘The weather out there is terrible.’

My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’

And then the fight started …

————————————————————————————————————————

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Crap ” That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And then the fight started…..

————————————————————————————————————————

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Bud Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started….

————————————————————————————————————————

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..

————————————————————————————————————————

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?””
Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

————————————————————————————————————————

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
And I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

————————————————————————————————————————

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’ So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started…

————————————————————————————————————————

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

————————————————————————————————————————

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

-- So Many tools, So little time



16 comments so far

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

3622 posts in 1762 days


#1 posted 1644 days ago

Very cute, enjoyed them all…................

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View Tim Dahn's profile

Tim Dahn

1460 posts in 2163 days


#2 posted 1643 days ago

Yep good ones, thanks for the chuckle

-- Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgement.

View TD Bridges's profile

TD Bridges

46 posts in 1734 days


#3 posted 1643 days ago

” Then I’d like to phone a friend” ROTFLMAO!

Thanks for sharing.

View Greg The Cajun Box Sculptor's profile (online now)

Greg The Cajun Box Sculptor

4934 posts in 1906 days


#4 posted 1643 days ago

A Great Laugh! Good way to start the morning…

-- Every step of each project is considered my masterpiece because I want the finished product to reflect the quality of my work.

View rtb's profile

rtb

1099 posts in 2311 days


#5 posted 1643 days ago

I Take it that your wife doesn’t know your lumberjocks password !

-- RTB. stray animals are just looking for love

View trifern's profile

trifern

8132 posts in 2365 days


#6 posted 1643 days ago

she does…that’s when the fight started.

-- My favorite piece is my last one, my best piece is my next one.

View araldite's profile

araldite

187 posts in 2002 days


#7 posted 1643 days ago

I tried the “What’s on TV?” one with my wife. That’s when I got a black eye…..

-- Failure is the road to success if you learn to learn from your mistakes - Vince, Greenville, SC

View a1Jim's profile

a1Jim

111999 posts in 2175 days


#8 posted 1643 days ago

Funny stuff. Crazy thing is the wife knows the fight started long before I do. LOL

-- http://artisticwoodstudio.com Custom furniture

View Dusty56's profile

Dusty56

11638 posts in 2286 days


#9 posted 1643 days ago

I’ve seen most of these before but there are a few new to me ones …all of them are worth reading though !! Thanks for adding some laughter to my morning : )

-- I'm absolutely positive that I couldn't be more uncertain!

View WoodyWoodWrecker's profile

WoodyWoodWrecker

171 posts in 1849 days


#10 posted 1643 days ago

It almost reads like my autobiography, except for this one:

My wife said that I should paint the living room and asked what color I thought it should be.
I stated that I thought it should be a “off white” color.
She replied “That’s what color it is now!”
So I said “Good, then I don’t have to paint it.”

And then the fight started….

-- You always have tomorrow to stop procrastinating.

View WoodSparky's profile

WoodSparky

200 posts in 1700 days


#11 posted 1643 days ago

The Classics never get old. I thoght this bunch of jokes were equal opportunity offenders. I did not want to put out the lady LB’s. Still they remain Quite.

-- So Many tools, So little time

View Tango's profile

Tango

68 posts in 2151 days


#12 posted 1643 days ago

Wonderfull selection…...I may also add..”Do Not try this at home” WARNING..

View TopamaxSurvivor's profile

TopamaxSurvivor

14589 posts in 2274 days


#13 posted 1643 days ago

I been through a few of those ;-))

-- "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

View Jordan's profile

Jordan

1358 posts in 1723 days


#14 posted 1643 days ago

I haven’t seen those before and actually laughed out loud at a few of them. Thanks for the laugh.

-- http://www.jordanstraker.com

View Eagle1's profile

Eagle1

2065 posts in 1663 days


#15 posted 1643 days ago

I laughed at hem all out loud, glad the wife was asleep. i’m going to send them to some of my friends.

-- Tim, Missouri ....Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened

showing 1 through 15 of 16 comments

Have your say...

You must be signed in to post the comments.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

HomeRefurbers.com

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics

GardenTenders.com :: gardening showcase