my story

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Blog entry by Tag84 posted 07-19-2011 05:24 PM 1829 reads 0 times favorited 9 comments Add to Favorites Watch

Inspired by Charles Dearing:)

I grew up in Nieuwegein, afraid nobody here’s able to pronounce that. Which sits right below Utrecht.
Utrecht is about 40 km from Amsterdam. I have 1 sister who now lives with her boyfriend.
I am much closer to my mother then my father, who have bin divorced since 2003.
We lived in a nice neighbourhood back then. a beautifull house and big garden, with all my friends very nearby.
My father wasn’t able to keep his job as a teacher due to a burnout/ mental fatique. My mother works at a hospital. My Mother and father never got along nicely there was always a form of tension.
He went sort of crazy not having a job or goal anymore, and his drinking problems got worse. At the time around 2002, i was in my second year graphic design. I started developing strain problems from the combination of to much drawing and sort of hypertension regarding the situation at home. I have always been a silent type and easily hurt. Since i was 15 i started experiencing severe anxiety, and whilst i was in closed spaces with more people i got heavy panic attacks. I got medication when i was 17 ,and thankfully the panic left me for a big part. Around 2003 i began to run far behind on my study and decided to quit. At the same time my mother realised it was more then enough having a psychopath around, who was drinking more wine then i ever would drink in my whole life. We moved my mother,sister and me. For a few years then i wandered around, not knowing what to do with my life..
In 2006 i had a dull repetitive job. The biggest part of my anxiety/depression surfaced again, so i asked my doctor if i could go on ant-depressants again. She said sure! i started (on doc’s advise) without graduately increasing the dose. Started having beautiful dreams. After around 2 weeks i got home from my dull job, and never felt so terrible. I was inside but i saw dark clouds hanging above me, and a feeling if it were the 21st december of 2012. So i decided to lay down. I was obsessed with certain thoughts, and i heard words repeat themselves 1000’s of times without being able to stop it. Not only i was going psychotic, i also constantly had to throw up. I looked and fellt if i had bin dragged out of the gutter. I got anti-psychotics medication and managed to retain myself. It took about a year to somewhat recover. During that time my mother took care of me. She also signed me up for joinery school. I went psycotic in dec 2006, and i was just able to join the study in september 2007. It’s eventually the best choiche in my life so far. I’m extremely glad i now have a diploma, something i thought to be inpossible at the time when you don’t see any sunshine or light at the tunnel anymore. After alot of trying different meds, i know feel pretty ok.
I don’t have any contact with my father since they divorced. Mainly because he doesn’t let hear anything.
And i feel like he tried to ruin our lifes. Just like Charles told in his story, i often too feel extremely lonely and desolate. I feel comfortable at this site, thats why i felt to let Charles and maybe other lumberjockers know my story. Thanks :)

-- -Thomas -

9 comments so far

View NBeener's profile


4816 posts in 3195 days

#1 posted 07-19-2011 05:33 PM

What an amazing and painful story.

Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Many people have demons, and demons can be very difficult to outrun.

I’ve been to your beautiful country several times. I have friends 45 minutes east of Amsterdam.

I was sick in Holland, one time, and received excellent medical care. I hope your experience has been the same.

I wish you the best of health—mental and physical—for the rest of your life, and … good luck with your shop in the zolder ;-)

-- -- Neil

View Sheila Landry (scrollgirl)'s profile

Sheila Landry (scrollgirl)

9231 posts in 2941 days

#2 posted 07-19-2011 06:11 PM

I think you are a very brave man, Thomas. As Neil said, many of us have things that are difficult to cope with and overcome. Sometimes the most difficult things is sharing our fears with others and reaching out to our friends.

I am happy that you are on a road to a better place for you. One of peace and contentment. I wish you the best in your health and continued success in your studies, whether formal or informal. You are right in that you will have a lot of support here.

Take care, Sheila

-- Designer/Artist/Teacher. Owner of Sheila Landry Designs ( Scroll saw, wood working and painting patterns and surfaces. "Knowledge is Power"

View helluvawreck's profile


31340 posts in 2888 days

#3 posted 07-19-2011 06:27 PM

Thomas, I’m really sorry for all the ordeal that you have come through and I’m also sorry for the other members of your family as well. Life can really be hard at times but it sounds like things are looking up for you and that you are beginning to be rewarded by the things that are now happening in your life. You have been very brave to get through these hard times and I certainly hope these new things in your life will reward you with increased financial and healthful well being. The people here are very nice and are always willing to help people with their problems and increase their woodworking abilities and I hope that you will feel at home. Welcome to Lumberjocks.

-- helluvawreck aka Charles,

View Tag84's profile


573 posts in 2678 days

#4 posted 07-19-2011 07:02 PM

Thanks so much for the encouraging words :) while i was typing the story i thought should i really post this, but glad your’e so kind.
Neil thanks, blij dat je m’n zolder hebt gezien:D. i agree the medical care is very good. But if you’re in need of mental help , i found out it’s hard to find correct help. We have a big institute, but my experience is bad with that. I Don’t know what it’s like in America or other parts of the globe?

-- -Thomas -

View chrisstef's profile (online now)


17421 posts in 3028 days

#5 posted 07-19-2011 08:00 PM

Thomas, indeed a story that should be told. Im sure that there are many people who are in the same situation as you are yet lack the courage to talk about it. Life seems to have many twists and turns in it, you have managed to straighten them out enough to become whole again. Thank you for your story and welcome to the gang.

-- Its not a crack, its a casting imperfection.

View LittlePaw's profile


1571 posts in 3100 days

#6 posted 07-19-2011 08:25 PM

I agree with everyone that you are brave in sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with a bunch of strangers. But, we really aren’t a bunch of strangers. We share a very strong bond in our love of woodworking. That gives us an unique ability to relate to each other no matter where you live. Beyond being very brave, Thomas, you have great inner strength and survival instincts. I believe that is what pulled you through all this. You were unwilling to just give up and yield to the negative. Prayer is a great way to cope with or solve serious problems. Someone wiser than I told me once that when all thing fail, look up. Our creator never gives up on us. I know, Thomas. I too have had extreme misfortune occur to me that I considered too much to overcome. At that time, if my prayers weren’t answered, if someone didn’t truly care and love me, I most likely wouldn’t be writing this to you. Lean on your Mom, when you need to, but your inner strength will carry you through, with His help Thomas. Talk to Him, He hears you.

-- LittlePAW - The sweetest sound in my shop, next to Mozart, is what a hand plane makes slicing a ribbon.

View S4S's profile


2118 posts in 2702 days

#7 posted 07-19-2011 08:58 PM

Solidariteit in Kunstenaars


View Vicki's profile


1099 posts in 3366 days

#8 posted 07-20-2011 04:23 AM

Hi Thomas,
You are very brave for taking the risk of sharing your story. I only think better of you for it and admire you for your courage and your ability to overcome such hardships. You never have to feel lonely now that you have us to talk to. Speaking for myself: please send me a message anytime you need to talk or even just to say HI. I’m a psychiatric nurse and I’m well aware the toll mental illness takes. Now and then I get to see a pt. overcome thier disability with meds and treatment and return to the community. It’s very heartwarming to see that. Also, many more people than you would guess have some kind of mental or emotional problem. Many people take antidepressants. I myself started after menopause threw me into a depression. You are blessed to have such a wonderful Mother to help you through those tough times. Sending healing thoughts your way,

-- Vicki on the Eastern Shore of MD

View Tag84's profile


573 posts in 2678 days

#9 posted 07-20-2011 01:06 PM

Thank you paw,chris, moment and Vicki! it wasn’t easy to be honoust. Also Having to think a little harder doing it in English:). Paw yes if there’s nobody to take care of you or love you, i can’t imagine how strong you’d have to be then. Vicki so nice to read you are familiair with it. I heard it too that it’s a pandemic problem so many people taking antidepressants.. jet in daily life it looks everybody is ashamed of it. I think it’s still a big taboe.
wish you people all the best of health and hapiness!

-- -Thomas -

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