Crazy Stuff Stumpy Thinks About #5: I'm not the only moron around here... Introducing Joy, Kyle and Randy...

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Blog entry by StumpyNubs posted 03-06-2012 01:43 PM 3720 reads 1 time favorited 26 comments Add to Favorites Watch
« Part 4: I have stuff to say! I'm reviving this old blog... Part 5 of Crazy Stuff Stumpy Thinks About series Part 6: A tough position to be in... (UPDATED 3:30 PM) »

A lot of people ask me who works in the Stumpy Nubs Workshop. They see me talking to someone off camera on one of the shows, or they notice I say “we, here at the Stumpy Nubs Workshop” a lot, yet I’m the only one they ever see on camera. So, here’s the lowdown on that:

It’s much like the situation that Sam Maloof enjoyed, only without the skill and artistic genius. He hired a young man to help him around the shop. Soon he had far more people who wanted to be his “shop boy” than he had space for them to work in. So he started telling people they could work there if they would do it for free. He found that aspiring woodworkers were more eager to learn from him than they were to get a paycheck, and he never paid for his help again. So I put an ad in the local paper:

“Wanted: Someone to work for free. Must be willing to work sporadic hours, do whatever I tell you, and assume the risk of serious bodily injury simply for the right to tell your friends that you work in the Stumpy Nubs Workshop.”

I don’t know how it worked so well for Maloof, because it sure didn’t work for me. Sure, I got a few responses, but some of them were too vulgar to mention. It took months to weed out the crazies and settle upon three “helpers” for the shop. They might not be much to look at, and the smell is sometimes overpowering, but they literally work for peanuts and they all signed one of those “I promise not to sue if I lose my thumbs” documents.

Joy is a 30 year old mother of three horrific children. She’s always late, and always cheerful. I suppose that’s why she’s named “Joy”. Some days I think she should be named “gets nothing useful accomplished”, but I give her a break because I know she has to go home to those screaming parasites and I’m just glad she chooses to come back here when the more obvious choice is a glass of wine and a bottle of sleeping pills.

Randy is 18 years old, and he’s slow. No, I don’t just mean he takes half the day to sweep the shop, I mean he talks slowly, walks slowly and I am entirely convinced that his mother drank a great deal throughout her pregnancy. He has a massive head covered with curly black hair so thick that several tools have been lost forever in there. A matching mustache and one of those revolting tufts of hair beneath the lower lip complete the package. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a lot of fun to be around. He talks endlessly about stuff only an 18 year old would care about and listens to heavy metal music on a massive pair of headphones, making it impossible to get his attention without throwing a hunk of oak at the back of his head.

Kyle was the first person I hired, and I actually pay him. Well, truth be told, I don’t really “pay” him in the strictest sense of the word. What I do is give him the bags of sawdust that I can’t get the garbage man to take any more. For the life of me, I can’t figure out what he does with all of it. But I stopped asking questions when I realized that he knew how to turn the table saw off and on, which is a real resume enhancement around here. Kyle manages the shop, keeps everyone as productive as one would expect from this lot, and applies all of the bandages.

By now you’re drawing a mental picture of the world I live in, and it ain’t pretty. It’s a wonder that the show gets produced at all! But, the Stumpy Nubs Workshop is a labor of love and I don’t know what I’d do without it. As for Joy, Randy and Kyle, I fall asleep every night and peacefully dream about what I would do without them…

(Ok… I admit, some of the details about the Stumpy Nubs Workshop are exaggerated for entertainment value. For example, my name is not really Stumpy Nubs!)

Don't forget to watch the latest episode of the greatest woodworking show since the invention of wood! Blue Collar Woodworking is now online!

-- Subscribe to "Stumpy Nubs Woodworking Journal"- One of the crafts' most unique publications:

26 comments so far

View Dave's profile


11429 posts in 2840 days

#1 posted 03-06-2012 01:47 PM

Thanks for the peak behind the scenes. It is fun to know the workings of the show.

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are."

View Randy_ATX's profile


878 posts in 2442 days

#2 posted 03-06-2012 01:50 PM

Love your wit and humor.

-- Randy -- Austin, TX by way of Northwest (Woodville), OH

View plantek's profile


312 posts in 2799 days

#3 posted 03-06-2012 02:17 PM

Love it!
I would love to see there resumes.
It would also be fun to hear what they like best about working in the shop…
Thanks for posting!!!

-- If you want it and it's within reason... It's on it's way!

View Don W's profile

Don W

18717 posts in 2567 days

#4 posted 03-06-2012 02:26 PM

I’d like to hear Joy, Randy and Kyle’s side of the story. I’ve always believed the best way to be successful is to hire people smarter than you. Are you successful Stumpy?

-- - Collecting is an investment in the past, and the future.

View Ken90712's profile


17556 posts in 3189 days

#5 posted 03-06-2012 02:37 PM


-- Ken, "Everyday above ground is a good day!"

View Bluepine38's profile


3379 posts in 3085 days

#6 posted 03-06-2012 03:02 PM

Now I know why that retired contractor calls me when he needs someone with a strong back for a
no-brainer task, although I do get to pick through his scrap pile occasionally, and he has hinted that he
might sell me his backup unisaw for less than 4 figures. Thank you for the introduction to your motley
crew, can we request autographed pictures now?

-- As ever, Gus-the 79 yr young apprentice carpenter

View DocSavage45's profile


8559 posts in 2842 days

#7 posted 03-06-2012 04:43 PM

Hope you’re well insured. :)

-- Cau Haus Designs, Thomas J. Tieffenbacher

View DocSavage45's profile


8559 posts in 2842 days

#8 posted 03-06-2012 05:31 PM

Saw your newest video. And I went back on some I’ve missed. Keep up the good work! ya got some good ideas!

-- Cau Haus Designs, Thomas J. Tieffenbacher

View JohnMeeley's profile


255 posts in 2333 days

#9 posted 03-06-2012 08:54 PM

Sounds crowded to me.

-- "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do."-Walter Bagehot

View DIYaholic's profile


19620 posts in 2675 days

#10 posted 03-06-2012 10:12 PM

Let’s see:
Overworked, check
Under paid, check
Hash for brains, check

I hope I’m not over qualified! Where is the application?

-- Randy-- I may not be good...but I am slow! If good things come to those who wait.... Why is procrastination a bad thing?

View SisQMark's profile


384 posts in 2600 days

#11 posted 03-06-2012 10:35 PM

It kind of sounds like you’ve hired the girl from the progressive auto insurance commercial, one of the geico cave man dudes & that little guy from the travelocity site with the red pointy hat. LOL !!! Great stuff Stumpy, keep it up, we all enjoy the humor.

-- Don't waste today, it is yesterdays tomorrow!~SisQMark

View DamnYankee's profile


3301 posts in 2562 days

#12 posted 03-06-2012 10:43 PM

Yeah what they said

-- Shameless - Winner of two Stumpy Nubs Awards

View Roger's profile


20928 posts in 2804 days

#13 posted 03-07-2012 12:14 AM

u da man Stumps.

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Keep your dust collector fed.

View Ben's profile


302 posts in 2330 days

#14 posted 03-07-2012 12:30 AM

Sounds like you have the same people as I have in my shop, except their names are Ben, Ben, Ben and Ben

-- Welcome to downtown Coolsville, Population: US! --Hogarth Hughes

View crashn's profile


528 posts in 2465 days

#15 posted 03-07-2012 12:56 AM

If I lived closer, I would join the fun for free

-- Crashn - the only thing I make more of than sawdust is mistakes

showing 1 through 15 of 26 comments

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