So my mother has been off the earth for 4 months and 5 days. Christ has given me a profound sense of peace, knowing she is indeed in heaven with Him. That is far from saying I am free from grief. There are days that I miss her so deeply it feels as if a I had a spear running through my chest and acid in my eyes.
I have included two pictures of her and I. Both from when I was very young.:). My full name is Nathanael and yes I am a twin! She is standing next to me in the second picture in the red jacket! She loves red!!!!
Anyway, I really wanted to share a short piece with you that I wrote several years ago when I was at Vietnam Veteran Dave Reavor’s home in Colorado for a week long Wounded Warrior Outreach Seminar that he invited me too. I was still in a very, very bad place yet somehow God was still able to get my hands moving. I give Him all the credit for this!!
I did read this to my church, and if you would like to hear me read it you can click on the link, go to the March 16th/Hosea sermon and if you want to hear just the story, go to 48:57.
So here it is! It really helped me process things. I wanted to share it with you guys as you have been such a strong support and a great family!
I suddenly awake to the cold! Where is my mother? The sun has not yet risen and the moon is just now laying her head on the mountaintops. I shiver and ruffle my feathers. I try and wobble closer to my brothers and sister, to share in their warmth. Our nest sways in the morning’s wind as it strokes the branches of our tree. The faint outlines of the distant ground begin to materialize through the darkness.
Where is my mother? I miss the comfort of her strong wings and the quiet beating of her loving heart as she keeps all of us warm and protected under her breast.
It is too cold to go back to sleep! Somewhere in the back of my mind I know what this day is to bring, but I ignore it and cuddle closer to the prickly floor of the nest. Then my mothers voice calls out from behind me, “Little one, it is time to go.”
My heart leaps with fear! It is that day! I respond as if I did not hear her and I lazily put my head under my wing. I think to myself, “I can beat this! I will out last her call and she will soon give up.” Time passes slowly and somehow I do drift off on the waves of sleep.
Again the cold! Blurried eyed and groggy I look up. The sun is just showing above the horizon, pushing back the blackness of night with his arms of pink, crimson, orange and yellow. The wind has died down yet some how it is even colder that before. My mother whispers in my ear, “Honey, it is time to go.” A tremor runs through my body as I realize my mother’s intent and I tried to back up into her, to hide in her warmth.
She nudges me forward with her beak. I turn toward her with a rebellious attitude and nearly shout, “What are you doing!” She looks down with a mother’s love and smiles, “It is time for you to spread your wings.” I cry up to her, plead with her for more time, “Just one more day!” Again she looks down at me, but this time she has tears in her eyes. She silently nuzzles me around and to the edge of the nest. I resist her as best I can, but something reaches inside me and touches my heart. I find myself lifting my wings. My fear causes them to tremble and shake. Mothers voice flows over me like the slow waters of a creek over its stones, ever softening and smoothing them. However, I can feel the tears and the pain in her soul, as if a piece inside her were being torn away. Before I can gather my courage she pushes me over the edge.
I am going to die! I tumble and spin in the air. Confusion sears my mind. I cry out to my Maker to rescue me, but there is no response. I am going to die! Just as I see the ground come rushing up to embrace me, time stands still. The Creator appears before me and He gently helps me spread my wings. Unsteadily, I rise through the gaps in the trees and climb above the forest. My faith falters as I see how high I have flown and I begin to fall. The Creator, who is now also my Savoir, appears again but this time only speaks to me with love, “Use the gifts that I have given to you!”
I am filled with a supernatural confidence and I push with all my might. I climb higher and higher and rise in the presence of my God. I know now that my God will always be with me. I float on the breath of the Almighty and I thank Him for the gifts of my wings, for He has made me an eagle, may I always honor Him in my adventure call life.
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint
(The Eagle by Nate Meadows)
More to Follow….
-- "With a little bit of faith, and some imagination, you can build anything!" Nate