It has been almost 10 years since I was in combat, 9 since I was wounded. Yet the emotional wounds feel as deep as they were the day the metaphorical knife cut them open, if not deeper. A simple thing can trigger such a strong reaction.
Today, my boys were home sick with fever and a deep cough so they were watching movies. They starting watching a show on TV were a World War II soldier is being worked on by a medic and the medic just kept crying “stay with me!”
I lost it. I quickly moved outside and broke down! I hit the concrete patio and just laid there in a heap, a broken crying man, hiding from my boys…from the world! They don’t know I was that medic! That I see my hands covered in blood and taste the metallic taste of blood from doing mouth to mouth on a dying friend. How does one tell your boys you failed, when all they want to do is see you as a hero? Can you tell them anything?
Normally I can deal with the flashbacks and stress or PTSD ok because I get to work in the shop. (Ok I take some meds too) But lately the weather has kicked (frozen) me out. I am looking forward to being able to get back in there and start using sending some of that energy into creative channels.
There is so much to deal with between the physical, mental and the emotion. Woodworking really helps balance everything out and gives me a huge escape as well as healthy way of coping. I am safe from the triggers of the world in the shop and surrounded by the beauty of wood; its smell, shape and figure. Then there are the tools one works with. They are equally as beautiful and give just as much pleasure when used. There is something about taking a tool and using to transform a beautiful piece of wood into a beautiful piece of art.
I am looking forward to getting back into the groove of things. Thanks for listening.
-- "With a little bit of faith, and some imagination, you can build anything!" Nate