Dear almighty woodworking god – please help me with my addiction. I now know that I have a serious problem and I am not sure how to conquer it. AWWG (almighty wood working god), here’s is my problem… I am addicted…...
choke – gulp!
It’s true AWWG, and it is a SERIOUS problem. I see one on “the devil’s web site”, Craig’s List and I am unable to contain myself. I immediately email or call the person and see if the saw is still available. If it is, I make idiotic, silly, crazy promises to come get it within 35 minutes, cash in hand, no questions asked. Shoot, I even saved the query on my computer to find “table saw” in my two towns… it’s a dang button on my browser!!!
I’ve even offered more than their asking price AWWG. Even when no one else has even looked at the saw yet – I offer more.
IT’S BAD AWWG.
Tonight, I got home early from work, but while at work, I peeked into “the devil’s site” and found another great deal. Instantly, almost out of body like, I clicked the link and emailed the seller. Words flowed out of my fingertips into the email and then like in slow-motion my right hand moved to the mouse and clicked SEND.
I even left work early in hopes of getting that saw.
After my 1 hour train ride, and 30 minute bus ride, I arrive at the Park-n-Ride in 104 degree heat, fervently looking at my phone for a missed call – NONE. DANGIT! I start my car that has no air conditioning and begin to back out of my spot. Pulling out of the parking lot and turning towards home I dream of a new saw in my shop – one that I have NO NEED FOR. I just WANT it. PURE, UNADULTERATED LUST AND DESIRE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
I make it home, 2 miles, and pull into the drive way, envisioning this saw as I open my garage. It’s not there. <<sigh>> – I walk into the house and say hello to the family unit, kiss the grand-baby and ask how everyone’s day went. Everyone answers “fine” or “good” or “hot”...
I announce I am going to the next town over to pick up several pallets (another addiction that we will deal with later… 1 addiction at a time) – another listing on “the devil’s site”. A mile into the 4 mile drive to get the pallets, free ones, not broken ones, my cell phone rings… my heart thumps and then skips a beat – an unfamiliar number displays and I hurriedly pull over (can’t talk on cell phones and drive at the same time in California…) and I answer “Hello, this is Jim”.
The voice on the other end says “Hi, I am returning your 4 emails about the saw. I still have it. One guy said he was coming to see it tonight and two other guys tomorrow morning” I say”Oh, OK. So, no one has seen it yet?” – he says “no, but that guy is supposed to come over tonight.” – I say “Oh, well, OK, I happen to have cash in my pocket and am in town right now. What’s your address?” – he says “I’ll text it to you…” – I say “Cool – thanks!” – we hang up.
I am 3 blocks from him… HOLY COW I AM ABOUT TO BUY ANOTHER TABLE SAW!!! I can’t stop myself… it’s is like one of those beams in Star Trek that pulls in the Enterprise, helplessly, they are pulled closer and closer…
Two turns and to the end of the street I go, and there it is…
Sitting there, calling me, like sinful sirens, saying “buuuuuyyy meeeeeeeee….”
I wave and pull in to take a look. We shake hands and greet each other with a hearty HELLO. I ask why he’s selling it, he says he never uses it and it belonged to his dad. Dad died a while ago and it’s just sitting there, collecting dust, the WRONG kind of dust. I say I am sorry for his loss and we talk a lap around the saw. (yes, I meant TALKED A LAP)
He then tells me about the stuff that comes with it – an INCRA M3000 precision miter gauge, 11 blades, a bunch of stuff in drawers, original paperwork, EVERYTHING. His dad built the cabinet for it even…
I immediately whip out a stack of twenties and shell out $200, quite a bit more than he was asking. He said I overpaid, but I told him that the fence alone is worth it for me, so no big deal – he was asking $125 for it ALL.
AWWG, I know it seems silly that I have this problem, but you know what my shop looks like (listen, he is the AWWG, he already KNOWS about my problem and my overcrowded shop – OK?) and then I haul off and buy this other saw. That makes 2 Delta’s and a Craftsman. And that is just table saws!!
AWWG, please help me… Now, I cannot move in my shop, my wife is about to send me to the Jim Krenov Clinic for Woodworking Addicts, and my kids, they just laugh at me.
AWWG, how do I overcome this addiction?
In holy sawdust, amen…
-- -- Jim “Mr. Measure Twice” Marchetti -- http://www.mrmeasuretwice.com/