After my last stint in the hospital, i’ve been put off work again. At the end of the day, it’s highly likely that my small fiber neuropathy is going to be deemed idiopathic. In other words, I have a diagnosis for the process that is causing nerve damage, but no cause and therefore no treatment other than symptomatic. There are still some outstanding test results, but they are for rare diseases that quite frankly I’d rather not have anyway.
This whole ordeal has been going on for 20 months. I am bound and determined that I WILL be going back to work, but I’m starting to make peace with the fact that I will never be going back to the profession I love in the same capacity as before. While at home, I’ve been puttering around my shop, which I absolutely love. It’s been better for me than any of the medications I’ve tried. On a bad day, I’ll think about my next project, or read about a new skill I’d like to try and I’m able to get my mind off the pain.
As easy as it would be to say that it’s just a job, or that it’s not important, my specialty was important to me.
I’m sad about leaving it, but have gradually been getting used to the idea. I’ve also started to process the fact that I may not be able to handle full-time hours, at least while the kids still need so much of my energy.
I’ve always admired people who persevere and overcome obstacles. My husband is encouraging me not to give up.
So when is it giving up and when is it accepting what will be?
-- No, I don't want to buy the pink hammer.