For all the Texans & others who like a laugh

Nice!

-- --Chuck

That’s great!

-- Bill, Florida

lol good one grumpy !

Great one Grumpy. Show him your card. LumberJock I hope.

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

Grumpy- LOL…

-- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) †

Can’t go wrong with government jokes!

-- Eric at http://adventuresinwoodworking.com

Great card Karson.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Thanks Grumpy.

-- With God's help all things are possible- even woodworking. Woodworking is not just a hobby, it is an (expletive deleted) expensive hobby.

thanks

-- making sawdust....

Good one, Grumpy.

-- Thos. Angle

Great one, Grumpy. It just goes to show that you can’t tell a bureaucrat anything – just let him go, and he’ll find out the hard way ;^D

-- Tom, Surfside Beach, SC - Romans 8:28

Hahahahahahaha! Good one!

Here’s another:

This traveling bug repellent salesman comes to a farm, he hasn’t made a sale all week and is starving. He’s willing to deal. “Look” he tells the farmer, “You strip me naked, tie me up and spray me down with this bug repellent. Then I’ll spend the night in the pasture. Come morning, if I have one single bug bite on me, I’ll give you a whole case! Otherwise, you buy a whole case.”

Farmer figures this is an easy deal, so he strips him down, ties him up, sprays him all over and puts him in the pasture. Even gives him a chair to sit on so he won’t get cramped.

Next morning comes and the farmer finds the salesman totally exasperated and lying bound, in the grass. “Did the bugs get ya?” says the farmer. “No the bugs wouldn’t come near but doesn’t that damn calf have a mother?!”

-- Bob Vila would be so proud of you!

Great one lol :)

Thanks for the post

Callum

-- For wood working podcasts with a twist check out http://thetimberkid.com/

Great one Dadoo, LOL

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

”FUNNY”

-- -** You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream ****************** Dick, & Barb Cain, Hibbing, MN. http://www.woodcarvingillustrated.com/gallery/member.php?uid=3627&protype=1

hehehe, that was good :-)

-- Jerry, Set in the foothills of the Smokey's

How about another:

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service
were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for
controlling the coyote population. It seems that after
years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of
shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers
had a “more humane” solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to
be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and
let loose again. Therefore the population would be
controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool
and Sheep Grower’s Association by the Sierra Club and
the USFS.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of
minutes. Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room
stood up, tipped his hat back and said, “Son, I don’t think you
understand our problem. Those coyotes don’t want to have sex
with our sheep – they’re eatin’ ‘em!” .

-- Gary, East TX -- The longest journey begins with a single step.

Good one Gary.

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

Knee slappers all around.

-- Michael A. Brailsford

Thanks, you guys, for making my day!

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something.

Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would
shake his head, no and mumble a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’

The men would ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.’

Q

-- I don't make sawdust...I produce vast quantities of "Micro Mulch."

Good one Q. LOL

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

A Smooth-Talking Salesman

A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store.
In fact it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything
there.

The boss asked him, “Have you ever been a salesman before?”

“Yes, I was a salesman in the country,” said the lad. The boss liked the
cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you when
we close up.”

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o’clock came
around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make
today?”

“One,” said the young salesman.

“Only one,” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale worth?”

“Three hundred thousand dollars,” said the young man.

“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.

“Well,” said the salesman, “this man came in and I sold him a small fish
hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a
small fishing line, a medium one, and a huge big one. I asked him where he
was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need
a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty
foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably
wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold
him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that
to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”

“No,” answered the salesman “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife
and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.’”

Q

-- I don't make sawdust...I produce vast quantities of "Micro Mulch."

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS�COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING

THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103 WHEN HE DIED.

HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRAND-CHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN,�AND A 15 FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.

-- Tim -- http://tmuli.com

Very good guys. I saw this one a while ago and it has shure been salted with new postings since then. A nice set of laughters.

-- What happens in the workshop stays in the workshop. No wait that doesn't sound right. Karson Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfort able cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax… OH, MY GOD!’ Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!’
A passenger in Coach yelled, ‘That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!

-- Grumpy - "Always look on the bright side of life"- Monty Python

During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming “US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on ‘Charlie’ taxi way; you turned right on ‘Delta’. Stop right there. I know it’s difficult to tell the difference between C’s and D’s but get it right”.
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, “You’ve screwed everything up; it’ll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don’t move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??”

Naturally, the ‘ground control’ frequency went terribly silent until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, “Wasn’t I married to you once?”

-- Scott - Chico California http://chicowoodnut.home.comcast.net

A bank robber went into a Northern Savings and Loan in Minnesota. He was wearing a flimsy clown mask that just barely covered his face. He stuck his revolver into the face of a teller and demanded all the money in her drawer.

As she was filling up his bag, his mask slipped off his face, he quickly turned, and put the mask back on.

He then asked the Teller “Did you see my face?” She noded and he pulled the trigger killing her instantly.

The bank robber then turned to the man behind him in line and asked him, “Did you see my face?”

“Yes, I did. I will not say a word, you can trus…”

The robber shot him dead.

He then turned to the next man in line and asked the same question. “Did you see my face?”

The man shook his head, pointed to his left and said “No sir, but my wife did”

-- work from your heart and your spirit will live forever

Thanks, I needed a good laugh today

you know how to keep an idiot in “suspense”