Well here I am, the night before the knife. Surgery on my shoulder is scheduled for very early tomorrow morning. Emotions are running through me in every direction, eager to have it done, scared of the outcome, terrified of the inablility to work either at the day job or in the shop.
First let me explain what is going on. I spent a number of years in the Army and during that time, I had dislocated my shoulders a number of times. That said, they didn’t have the technology at the time to tell me exactly what the problem was so I was given two options, physical theropy or exploritory surgery. Having seen many a young man have their careers ruined and lives total disrupted by these same surgeons, I chose physical theropy which was only marginaly effective.
Now almost 20 years later, Here I am with major damage, my Glenoid Labium is completely torn and has slipped into the joint, the tendons are either torn or damaged, and my clavical is impinging on the joint. Basicly the only thing holding my shoulders together are the rotator cuff and the impinging bones. It got to the point where I couldn’t pick up a full soda can with my left arm. Needless to say I was tired of “playing though the pain.”
I am fearfull of the results. What if the surgeon makes a mistake? What if he gets in there and can’t fix the damage? Am I too late in getting it fixed? All of these doomsday scenarios run through my mind. I know that the outcome is in God’s hands, but in my human frailty, I have my fears.
I am terrified at being idle for so long. Six weeks seems like an eternity to me at this point. I have so much to do at my day job (I am a senior Proposal Manager for Verizon Business’ GovEd division.) and not being able to get into the wood shop. I think that of the two, I will miss the wood shop the most. That is my stress relief. I commune with God, remember the things that my Grandfather and Father have taught me, and yes Frank, the wood. There is nothing more satisfying than building something that will last beyond my short time here on earth. I hope that the outcome allows me to get back into it soon.
I would like to thank all of you who have expressed well wishes and offered prayers. I am truly humbled by your support. I have done a lot of things in my life that I carry a lot of guilt over, and sometimes feel unworthy of such support. If I seem ungratefull or cold, it is not that I do not appreciate your support, it that I feel unworthy of it. It is hard for me to deal with sometimes. Please do not take offence.
I will try and get back online as soon as possible and let you know how I am doing. I want to thank you now and let you know how much this communty has come to mean to me. Even when we have a difference of opinon, we discuss it civily and with respect and more often than not come to an agreement. You all have proven that people can make a difference in the lives of others, Dusty, Marc and Karson are great examples of this. I am truly honored to have you as friends.
Thanks and I will talk to you again soon.
Lumberjock to the core,
-- Greg - Charles Town, WV