The DVD ‘Chip Carving’, with Wayne Barton, starts out with some Bavarian folk music as Wayne narrates about chip carving. Ok, I am not exactly sure about the music, but it is not terribly modern. It is pretty cheesy. I can’t say for sure, but I would guess it was cheesy in 1986 too. Despite the rather simple production quality, I think this is going to be a good video.
The tools required are a carving knife and a stabbing knife. I have only a carving, so stabbing will have to wait. The dimensions for the first instructional carving lines are 2 mm, 4 mm, 4 mm and 2 mm. Thus far, drawing lines is within my skill set.
Ok, this is going to be a short blog tonight. Apparently I was a bit cocky when I said, “drawing lines is within my skill set”. Drawing the lines on the wood, so I can start the video has pissed me off terribly. I am no longer having fun. I like the idea of chip carving and I am going to stay with it, but I am not going to write anymore for now. That being said let me write a bit more. I have become an ‘Angry Pants’. I love precision and the problem seems to be that my eyes are not as good as they used to be. I have reading glasses and they seem to be helping a little bit, but I am still not at all getting perfect lines.
I think the problem, nay the source of my anger, is not the silly 2 and 4 millimeter lines, it is the whole getting old thing. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. Who do I talk to about this? It is the freaking twenty first century and we haven’t solved this whole aging thing yet? Come on people! Surely there are some mad scientists, or at the very least, some mildly disgruntled scientists, who are trying to fix this annoying problem?
With each passing year I come to grips with what can’t be done. I am 5’ 6” tall. In my late 30’s I gave up on the thought that one day, I would become a rabid gym rat, work on my calves, and eventually be able to dunk. I am older than all the pro athletes, in all the sports, so the dream of suddenly developing into a world class tennis player has vanished. The list goes on, dating a super model, winning a noble peace price, finding the secret to alchemy, and dating another super model, have all been scratched off as being unreasonable.
Of course, all of these dreams were unreasonable from the beginning, and I know this. However, when one is day dreaming, before entering their 40’s, it is still possible to be delusional enough to imagine qualifying for the U.S. Open. Naturally this then leads to beating Tiger Woods on the 18th hole, by making eagle, with an 8 iron, from 154 yards. To say that I am a dreamer, well that is an understatement.
So, now that I have come to grips with all that is not possible, I ask you, is it unreasonable to dream of being able to draw parallel freaking lines? That is all I want. A few lines, equidistant apart. No supermodels, no U.S. Open, no saving the world, I just want to draw some lines. I am not sure if I can set the bar any lower.
Chip carving is now my sworn enemy. I will obsess with it, I will hunt it down, and I will make it do my bidding! I am so angry I could spit, ok, not spit per se, but I am angry enough to eat two pop-tarts. Yes, I know, that doesn’t sound very angry. Eating a pop-tart is hardly an act of a disgruntled woodworker, but truth be known, I am also too old to get very worked up, even when I am angry.
They are blueberry. They are delicious. I am going to try to draw some more lines.
-- Brian Meeks, http://extremelyaverage.com