I did not write this. Actually, I suspect it was written by a Brit, the spellings indicated that before I cleaned this up. But the shows he references are domestic. I grabbed it from somewhere many years ago. It has survived a hard drive crash (you can see what things I actually had backed up-) and two computer migrations, from Win97 to XP to 7.
If it is inappropriate or placed incorrectly, someone say so, and I will pull it. I am still a newbie here. Don’t mean to throw my weight around.
I have no idea how much of this is true- but I’m thinking, yup, it really happened.
This afternoon I was foolishly left alone in the kitchen with a seemingly simple task; whip some cream.
It all started when I was attempting to whip some whipping cream into, oddly enough, whipped cream with a hand whisk, and it seemed to require far too much effort on my part. I am sure a Neander would be quite happy with a hand whisk, but I was looking for a Normite way to get this done. Now I realize that most people have a power hand mixer, or what ever they are called, but I don’t have one.
I started thinking, hmm, how much different could one of those things be from a router. All a hand mixer is, is a motor with a Jacobs chuck like socket for whisks. Now if you think you know where I am going with this, you are probably correct. I got out the dial calipers and the shaft of the hand whisk was exactly 1/4”. Woo Whoo, first problem solved, I can use the standard 1/2” to 1/4” bushing. I go out to the shop and take my three and a quarter horse Hitachi M12V out of the router table and back into the kitchen. Using my 21mm and custom ground thin 23mm Craftsman wrenches, I chuck up the whisk. Next problem, speed. I measured the diameter of the business end of the whisk and consulted my router bit speed chart. It said I should use 18,000 RPM. The only question left was technique, clockwise or counter clockwise. Since I was doing an inside cut, I decided on the standard counter clockwise.
I fired up the big green monster. Good thing the M12V has a soft start feature, because even with my elbows braced on the countertop, this is a heavy and unwieldy router to freehand in the air, but the torque was still more than I was prepared for and I almost lost it. Okay, here we are, full power. There was a quick blur of chaotic white liquid filling the air and as the blur subsided I quickly realized the bowl that previously held two cups of whipping cream was now virtually devoid of cream. I powered down the router. My face, glasses and upper body were covered in cream, as were two thirds of the kitchen. My better half, alerted by the unusual tool noise and loud cursing coming from the kitchen, walks in to ask just what the hell I thought I was doing. I wipe off, change clothes and come back to explain myself and clean up a very large mess
Once I explained what I was attempting to the young lady I thought was about to become my ex-wife (I could see it in her face, as she thought, I cannot believe I actually married someone this stupid, Dad was right), who is standing in front of me with a look of such total disbelief that I would have previously thought impossible to display, I was told that 18,000 rpm was a little too high an rpm for a whisk, and that a variable speed cordless drill would have been the correct choice of tool for this task. We were out of whipping cream at this point, so I will have to wait until after I have a chance to go to the store tomorrow to find out if the cordless drill works any better. Damn, now that I think about it, it would seem like the drill press is the way to go, then I could be just like Martha Stewart, Emeril or the Cute short blonde lady with the bob haircut who has two shows on the food network and have one of those big stationary Kitchen Aid looking mixer thingies, Hmmmm…..
Live and learn.
-- Dan V. in Indy