Random Thoughts and Ideas #5: Things You'll Never Hear a Woodworker Say

  • Advertise with us
Blog entry by DamnYankee posted 12-19-2012 02:34 PM 1734 reads 0 times favorited 15 comments Add to Favorites Watch
« Part 4: Survey: How Many LJs are Serving, or have Served in the Military Part 5 of Random Thoughts and Ideas series no next part

Yesterday evening at our annual woodworkers club dinner one of the guys said something none of us thought we’d ever hear “I have too many clamps already” (the guy had won a clamp in the raffle).

This got us thinking of those thing you’ll never hear (or should never hear) a woodworker say

+ My shop is too big / If only my shop were smaller!
+ My chisels/planes/guages are too sharp
+ I spend too much time in my shop
+ My wife loves it when I buy tools.
+ I have to much stock.
+ I wish CL and eBay would stop selling tools.
+ I think I will get rid of all these scraps.
+ I think I will go furniture shopping at Wallmart.
+ I have every tool/machine that I’ll ever need!
+ Thanks for offering the free exotics, but no thank you. I have enough!!!

What others do you have?

*Note – some of the above I got from fellow LJs on Stumpy’s thread

-- Shameless - Winner of two Stumpy Nubs Awards

15 comments so far

View DIYaholic's profile


19624 posts in 2732 days

#1 posted 12-19-2012 02:58 PM

What! Take the day off of “work” and play in the wood shop, NO WAY!!!

-- Randy-- I may not be good...but I am slow! If good things come to those who wait.... Why is procrastination a bad thing?

View pendledad's profile


190 posts in 2147 days

#2 posted 12-19-2012 03:10 PM

My bench is fine, I don’t want to make a new one.

I like sanding, I find it relaxing.

I don’t need any more clamps for Christmas.

I’m not picking through that construction dumpster to get those scraps.

IKEA makes great furniture.

View Dan Lyke's profile

Dan Lyke

1520 posts in 4182 days

#3 posted 12-19-2012 05:42 PM

I dunno about that “My wife loves it when I buy tools.” statement. Two that I’ve heard from her: “We’re not leaving this Woodcraft without a Domino and a planer, now will the 735 work for us?” and, when she heard me swearing at a tool, “Doesn’t Festool make a version of that we could get?”

Other than that you’re dead on.

-- Dan Lyke, Petaluma California,

View Pop's profile


427 posts in 4003 days

#4 posted 12-19-2012 05:45 PM

From when I worked in a woodworking store. This is the one every woodworker wishes he could hear.
“You’re wife called and said get whatever you need.”

Pop Golden

-- One who works with his hands is a laborer, his hands & head A craftsman, his hands, head & heart a artist

View DamnYankee's profile


3301 posts in 2619 days

#5 posted 12-19-2012 05:58 PM

Dan – I think I can speak for the majority of us, you are the exception not the rule, either that or you heard it in your dreams :)

-- Shameless - Winner of two Stumpy Nubs Awards

View DamnYankee's profile


3301 posts in 2619 days

#6 posted 12-19-2012 05:58 PM

Dan – I think I can speak for the majority of us, you are the exception not the rule, either that or you heard it in your dreams :)

-- Shameless - Winner of two Stumpy Nubs Awards

View Dan Lyke's profile

Dan Lyke

1520 posts in 4182 days

#7 posted 12-19-2012 06:01 PM

DYankee, she works with me on projects. Yeah, I lucked out.

-- Dan Lyke, Petaluma California,

View Manitario's profile


2630 posts in 2940 days

#8 posted 12-19-2012 06:05 PM

Dan, does she have a sister??? Actually, I shouldn’t complain, my wife lets me buy whatever I want, as long as it comes out of my own money…

-- Sometimes the creative process requires foul language. -- Charles Neil

View Sandra's profile


7207 posts in 2132 days

#9 posted 12-19-2012 07:05 PM

What you won’t hear this woodworker say:

“No dear, I really don’t mind you interrupting my shop time because you can’t find the ketchup.”
“Honestly, I don’t mind the girly calendar you insist putting in the garage so that you appear more studly”
“Here, use another chisel to pry that paint can open”

-- No, I don't want to buy the pink hammer.

View Cosmicsniper's profile


2202 posts in 3216 days

#10 posted 12-19-2012 08:08 PM

“Sure, dear, call it a garage because that’s what it was designed to be.”

“Crap, I have ten routers…surely that’s a mistake!”

“My air compressor sounds a lot like Mozart to my ears.”

“God gave us 10 fingers for a reason…I can function just fine with 9…screw SawStop.”

“Who the hell is Norm Abram?”

“Nah, I only have to measure ONCE before I cut it.”

“F-yeah. I luvz me some L’il Wayne when I cutz me sum toothpicks, yo!”

-- jay,

View Roger's profile


20929 posts in 2861 days

#11 posted 12-19-2012 11:43 PM

+ hand me that welder
+ you don’t need any safety glasses
+ throw that dust mask away
+ hearing protection…...... HUH! don’t need it
+ plug in the table saw so I can change the blade
+ hold this board while I route a dado in it
+ Lets drink a case o beer, and build somethin
+ just set your cold drink on my table saw.
Thats all I can think of at the moment… LOL

-- Roger from KY. Work/Play/Travel Safe. Keep your dust collector fed.

View bladedust's profile (online now)


208 posts in 2323 days

#12 posted 12-20-2012 03:21 AM

“the project came out exactly as I expected”

” the project is flawless, everything fit perfectly the first time”

“I completed the project without a single mistake or mishap”

That last one has me rolling on the floor laughing.

-- ok, is it cut once measure twice, cut twice measure once???? I know....I'll just keep cutting until it's long enough.

View Dave's profile


11429 posts in 2897 days

#13 posted 12-21-2012 03:51 AM

I love to watch finish dry.
Honey bring the girls out to the shop and we will have tea
Sharpening is such a joy.
rust adds such a wonderful color to my tools

-- Superdav "No matter where you go - there you are."

View mcoyfrog's profile


4145 posts in 3651 days

#14 posted 01-15-2015 07:56 PM

how about

Sure I can make you a nice set a drawers to look just like the ones you bought at walmart for half the cost

yes I would love to paint that beautiful oak bed with a can of latex wall paint

and some of the ones already said definitely need repeating LOL
lets drink a case-o-beer and work in the shop
sure just set you cold drink on my table saw
the project came out exactly as i expected

hee hee this was a fun post thanks for sharing

-- Wood and Glass they kick (well you know) Have a great day - Dug

View CFrye's profile


10293 posts in 1897 days

#15 posted 01-20-2015 02:41 PM

Yes, honey, you can use my birdseye maple to prop up your snow machine (Sorry, 74, I had to)!
No, I don’t need all the accessories, the basic model will be fine.

-- God bless, Candy

Have your say...

You must be signed in to post the comments.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics