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This woodworker walks into a bar and says...

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Blog entry by Chip posted 2699 days ago 2448 reads 0 times favorited 11 comments Add to Favorites Watch

Ok, time for my weekly blog entry.

I was thinking the other day that I don’t know a single woodworking joke. I’m one of those people that usually forgets a joke the day after I hear it, trys to tell it, and totally botches it up. I tried over the last couple of days and I can’t recollect a single woodworking one. I’m sure they are out there.

So, all you woodwworking, sawdust making folks… let’s hear ‘em… (now, back to the basketball games)

-- Better to say nothing and be thought the fool... then to speak and erase all doubt!



11 comments so far

View scottb's profile

scottb

3647 posts in 2952 days


#1 posted 2699 days ago

A woodworker walks into a bar and says…

nice wood!

That’s all I got.

-- I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it. - Van Gogh -- http://blanchardcreative.etsy.com -- http://snbcreative.wordpress.com/

View Karson's profile

Karson

34870 posts in 3026 days


#2 posted 2699 days ago

There was a woodworker who lost his eyesight in one eye, and he didn’t have much money so he carved himself a replacement eye. But he was very self conscious and never went out.

All of his friends said that he needed to get out and meet people. So he goes to a neighbourhood bar because it didn’t have bright light inside. As he sits there a lady walked in and she had a deformity with her lips. She sits down beside him. They start to make small talk. But he was nervous, and she was nervous each of them about their deforminities.

But finally he get up enough nerve and asks her if she’d like to go out and get a bite to eat.

She replies, “Would I! Would I!”

He yells back at her, “Hair Lip, Hair Lip!”

-- I've been blessed with a father who liked to tinker in wood, and a wife who lets me tinker in wood. Southern Delaware karson_morrison@bigfoot.com †

View Chip's profile

Chip

1904 posts in 2718 days


#3 posted 2699 days ago

Classic! That is excellent… LOL. Thanks Karson.

-- Better to say nothing and be thought the fool... then to speak and erase all doubt!

View Jeff's profile

Jeff

1011 posts in 2719 days


#4 posted 2699 days ago

LOL!!! I just woke up KT laughing at this, Karson.

-- Jeff, St. Paul, MN

View WayneC's profile

WayneC

12260 posts in 2722 days


#5 posted 2699 days ago

That is going to be hard to top or even get close.

-- We must guard our enthusiasm as we would our life - James Krenov

View gizmodyne's profile

gizmodyne

1763 posts in 2715 days


#6 posted 2699 days ago

The blind woodworker picked up a hammer and saw.

-- -John "Do I have to keep typing a smiley? Just assume it's a joke." www.flickr.com/photos/gizmodyne

View Corndog's profile

Corndog

30 posts in 2751 days


#7 posted 2699 days ago

A carpenter ant walks into a bar and asks “Where’s the bar tender?”

-- I've got a bandsaw in my kitchen...

View MsDebbieP's profile

MsDebbieP

18615 posts in 2786 days


#8 posted 2699 days ago

that’s hilarious Karson… what a way to start the day.

I had checked out woodworking jokes just last week. Here’s a link that I found. Some pretty good chuckles here.

-- ~ Debbie, Canada (https://www.facebook.com/DebbiePribeleENJOConsultant)

View Sawdust2's profile

Sawdust2

1467 posts in 2713 days


#9 posted 2696 days ago

Whadda ya call a girl with a wooden leg?

Peggy

-- No piece is cut too short. It was meant for a smaller project.

View robscastle's profile

robscastle

1622 posts in 829 days


#10 posted 140 days ago

-- Regards Robert

View thetinman's profile

thetinman

218 posts in 164 days


#11 posted 140 days ago

A wealthy lawyer, a prominent politician and a simple carpenter died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the gate (cuz that’s all he does now). St. Peter said you have all sinned and have to answer a religious question before I can let you in.

St. Peter called over the lawyer and asked what Christmas was. Real quick the lawyer said: “That’s easy! That’s when Santa brings toys and goodies to everyone in the world.

St. Peter was furious and said: “You’ve lost the true meaning of Christmas. You’re greedy. You go to Hell.” And poof he was gone.

St. Peter called over the politician and asked him what Easter was. Real quick the politician said: “That’s easy! That’s when this cute furry little bunny brings chocolate candy and painted eggs to everyone I the world.”

St. Peter was furious and said: “You’ve lost the true meaning of Easter. You’re greedy. You go to Hell.” And poof he was gone.

St. Peter called over the carpenter and asked what Good Friday was. The carpenter thought and thought and thought. St. Peter was about to give up when the carpenter said: “Hold it! I got it! I got it! That’s when they took Jesus and hung him on the cross. Then they killed him.”

St. Peter said: “Very good. Keep going.”

The carpenter continued: “Well, they took Jesus down and put him in a big cave and put a huge heavy rock in front of the door.”

St. Peter said: “Excellent! What happened then?”

The carpenter continued: “Well, once a year people come by and move the rock. Then Jesus comes out and if he sees his shadow………..”

-- Life is what happens to you while you are planning better things -Mark Twain

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